Bittersweet Second Chance
by daniellaanddaphne
Summary: What if your second chance comes 10 years later on,will you grab it for love or let go for loyalty? Faberry, Pezberry
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Ok, so this is my first time to publish a story. Please be kind enough on the reviews, if you ever want to write one. Reviews will be very much appreciated.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee.**

Even with the sun hovering above them and one must squint to be able to see due to the sunrays, she cannot deny the beauty in front of her.

For 10 years now, she has not known any single more gorgeous creation than the girl who is currently carefully inspecting fruits displayed in a wooden cart. The way she touches and smells, with eyes closed, each of them, sent shivers down the spine of the observer who unintentionally leans forward in order to have a better view. Wearing a simple white tank top and skinny jeans, the girl oozes a sex appeal like no other person. Her tanned skin glistened by tiny amount of sweat brought by the sunny morning.

"Aren't they exquisite, Quinn?"

"Uh-huh" she answered, still not quite back from her daydreaming.

If given the time to ponder, Quinn wants to trace back every memory of every day of the past ten years that led her to being much more in love with this woman. Is that even possible? To be more in love with the same person as day passes? With every smile this girl throws, with every wave of her hand, with every words spoken by her (and believe me, there are a lot), Quinn finds herself falling deeper into an abyss of admiration and adoration. How did she come to this point, it always makes her wonder.

It all began at the start of senior year in high school. Prior to that time, her feelings for Rachel transformed from annoyance to jealousy to indifference to tolerance. But this argyle-wearing diva's persistence to have the approval of everybody ultimately won the attention of Quinn. Rachel just would not give up. Despite the many rejections of friendship by the head cheerleader, Rachel still smiled at her whenever they crossed paths in the hallway, inquired on how Quinn's day was going, and even offered unsolicited advices on how to improve the latter's voice and performance. Her relentless efforts did not go unnoticed and unrewarded.

Quinn cannot unto this day explain why on that particular day during senior year she decided to cut Rachel Berry some slack and throw her a bone. When Rachel passed by her locker with her big smile and bright greeting of "_Hello Quinn! I hope this last year of our High School life would be a great experience for you!_", Quinn surprisingly smiled at the other girl and replied "_You too, Berry_". Not expecting any response from the head Cheerio, Rachel stopped dead on her tracks gaping but quickly regained her poise and faced Quinn properly just so she can exhibit a brighter toothy grin before heading to her first period. Their relationship from then on went from tolerance to having civil conversations to spending lunch with the rest of the gleeks to occasional hanging out. The last part was what made Quinn realize that indeed there are other aspects of Rachel Berry that are not as annoying as the others, even admirable to some extent. Like her loving relationship with her fathers. Like the various social causes she gets herself into, volunteer works in the animal shelter, music tutorials for kids. Like her natural instinct to care for other people. Rachel Berry, apart from being a diva, Quinn decided, was a _bit_ of a nice person.

Her previous disinterest and irritation for the girl subsided. She found yourself being the one to initiate conversations and rendezvous. Days and months passed, Quinn can't seem to get herself to care if the whole school sees her enjoying the company of the brunette. At first, the vision of Rachel Berry and Quinn Fabray sharing some inside joke and laughing to their hearts content was like some scene in _Twilight Zone_. But like any other new gossip that invaded the halls of Mckinley High, their new-found alliance was overtaken by some fresher gossip.

It did not surprise Quinn when she woke up one day admitting that her days were much better with Rachel Berry around. The diva's ambition drove Quinn to aspire for better things for herself. Although she also dreams to leave Lima, Ohio, she was not so sure of how to do it. But now, with Rachel's persistent inquiries about her long-term plans, Quinn could not help but to imagine what bigger things await her outside the confinements of Lima. She searched the internet for universities and unintentionally focused on those located in New York. She spent the entire night surfing the websites of NYU, Columbia and Fordham. And so the next day, she excitedly waited for Rachel in front of the latter's locker.

"Hi Quinn! How's your day treating you so far, hmm?" even after months into their friendship, Rachel had not changed her morning greeting with the blonde.

"I want to apply to NYU for a business degree before taking up law," Quinn informed the brunette who stopped picking out books from her locker to stare at the blonde.

"Okay…" Rachel tried to blurt out without sounding confused as to where all of these are coming from.

"I just want to let you know. I haven't given you an answer every time you ask me about my long-term plans. And well, honestly, you asking me about these things is what has got me thinking what I really want to do after high school. So, it's just right for you to be the first one to know of my decision," Quinn rambled in one breath without meaning to. Hanging out with the brunette for long periods of time can really rub off on a person.

"And you decided to go to New York out of all the many options of colleges and universities throughout the country?"

"Well, yeah. I know it's going to be scary to be living alone after spending my whole life here. But since you are intent on attending Tisch or Julliard, New York won't be as scary for me as you will also be there," the blonde mumbled, looking anywhere but at the brunette. Few moments have passed, Quinn shifting nervously from one foot to another and Rachel just staring at the blonde with mouth slightly open, finding it hard to form coherent words. Until…

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Quinn suddenly found herself with an armful of Rachel Berry. "Okay, Rach. There's no need to go all hysterical on me now," Quinn teasingly chastised the diva but not really relieving herself of the latter. Unconsciously, the cheerleader let herself drown in the strawberry sent emitting from the brunette. Just when she thought her feelings for the girl cannot go any further, a sudden realization hit her. _She needed one Rachel Berry in her life like she never needed any person_ _before_.

"Quinn? Quinn?" a pair of brown eyes was looking up at her, bringing her back to **present time**. That same brown eyes which kept her mesmerized for ten years now has Quinn smiling like a giddy teenager.

"Yes, Rach? You need something?"

"I was just asking if you need something else because I am quite satisfied with the ingredients I've bought for that special dinner later on tonight. Where have your thoughts gone to?" Rachel asks while soothingly rubbing one of Quinn's arms.

"Uh…nowhere. Yeah, I'm all good. Let's go?"

As Quinn takes Rachel's hand to guide her out of the Farmer's Market, the latter stopped her steps. Quinn turned to Rachel and saw a pair of arms wrapped around the other girl's waist.

"What the -," before Quinn could proceed from her tirade, the owner of the offending arms turned Rachel around.

"BABY!" Rachel exclaimed the same time as Quinn shockingly uttered, "Santana?"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks for reading this fic! I really appreciate the reviews.**

"_BABY!" Rachel exclaimed the same time as Quinn shockingly uttered, "Santana?"_

"Hey babe," Santana cooed while pulling the other brunette closer to her.

Still hung up on being interrupted on her Rachel Berry alone time, Quinn gave her best friend's hand a squeeze before letting it go.

Rachel, wasting no cuddling time, immediately wrapped her arms around Santana's neck and gave her a quick but passionate kiss. Even after 10 years, Quinn could not get herself to be comfortable with the sight of the two canoodling. The knot in her stomach and ache in her chest made their appearance as usual causing her to avert her eyes to the fruits and vegetables displayed nearby, even taking a few steps away from the couple.

"Baby, how did you find us here? I thought you'd be up to your neck finishing the proposal for your new client that was why I requested the company of Quinn today," upon hearing the words come out of Rachel's mouth, Quinn can't help but feel like a second choice, again. She is very well aware of her place in the diva's life but still it stung.

"Well, I have no idea. Maybe just maybe, the thought of leaving my wife alone preparing for the special dinner tonight got me feeling just a little bit guilty. _Or_ perhaps I just missed you so much. Take your pick," Santana sweetly replied resulting in the blushing of Rachel's cheeks and the gagging sound from Quinn. Santana was the only one who heard the sound made by the blonde. "What was that, Q?"

"Uhmm…nothing. I choked on the candy I was nibbling. Darn those treats!" Santana just smirked at Quinn's explanation. The latina was now used to her friend's intolerance of the public display of affection between her and the diva. "So…I'll just see you tonight, guys. I have to get going. So many pleadings await me!"

"Hey Q! No random girls tonight, okay? This dinner is special to me and Rachel," Santana warned the blonde. Quinn was known for bringing different girls every year and, well, every special occasion celebrated by the spouses.

"I have to agree with Santana here, sweetie. Tonight is the tenth year anniversary of me and Santana being together. Can you just spare us of the shallow conversations we have to endure with one of your girls? I am willing to trade the wine you promised to bring later for that one simple request. It can even be your anniversary gift for us. Please? You can bring one of your _ladies_ tomorrow night, if you want."

"Yeah, yeah…what's your problem with them anyway?" Quinn tried hard to maintain a straight face. Rachel and Santana were about to answer when the lawyer interjected, "Don't answer that. Okay, for this one time and this one time ONLY, I will willingly _bear_ the sight of you two ogling at each other and being barf-worthy affectionate towards one another. ALONE. Do you even know how hard that is for a third person?"

"Ha-ha," the latina replied mockingly. She cannot, for the life of her, comprehend how her seemingly innocent, uptight and bible-reading friend from high school turned out to be this trivial, flirtatious and whoring-twenty-four-seven lawyer. It was like the world had gone upside down. "Okay, I will give that to you, Q. You cannot bring any of your bimbos _except_ that Natalie girl you introduced us to last month."

"The brunette with the chocolate eyes? Yeah, I liked her too," Rachel agreed. Being the blonde's best friend for a decade now, she had been very much protective of her. However, she kept on reminding herself to let Quinn live the life she wants to lead as long as it makes the ex-cheerleader happy. Quinn had been there through ups and downs both for her and Santana. Rachel swore on Barbra Streisand's life that she would be there for the long haul for the blonde. "What happened to her anyway? I thought you two were compatible physically, sexually, emotionally and spiritually. Wasn't she the one you met in front of the church somewhere?"

"Uhmm…it didn't work out, I guess. She was so clingy, you know," Quinn cringed at the mental picture of Natalie being obsessive and one step ahead of her (well if I'm being honest here, she's 50 steps ahead). "I'm still quite young to settle down. She kept on nagging me about how come I wasn't making plans yet of bringing her to Lima. And that was only our third date for Christ's sake! Talk about mental…"

"You should have settled for Sam, Q," now Santana, aside from snatching the girl of Quinn's dreams, was threading a very thin line.

"Oh yeah? And why is Brittany not around here?" Quinn just had the perfect retort to Santana. She very well knew that Britanny will always be a sore subject matter for the advertising executive. "Now I remember! That's because you broke her heart when we were in junior high because you can't _admit_ then to yourself that _you_, Santana freaking Lopez, is a rainbow-flag-bearing-not-to-mention-flannel-wearing gay. Yeah, that's right! So don't tell me that I should have settled for fish lips or lady lips or lemon head or whatever name you wish to call him during our high school years when you yourself wasn't brave enough to embrace your gayness then, S! At least I had decided to hook up with some random guy with whom I had no sort of feelings towards to," Quinn hadn't intended to throw a fit and snap at Santana in the midst of Farmer's Market and on her best friend's special day but she was just sick and tired of Santana parading her awesome life in her face. _Damn you Lopez for rubbing your perfect life with the perfect girl in my face! That should have been me in your stead!_

"Walk away, Q. Walk away," the latina threatened through gritted teen. Santana's face was redder than a ripe tomato and she was about to lunge at the blonde when Rachel decided to intercede.

"Okay that's enough!" Rachel went in between the feuding girls and spread her arms apart in order to keep them away from each other and, consequently, prevented the two from ripping each other's throat. "No need to be melodramatic, ladies. Babe, it was unnecessary for you to bring up that insignificant boy just to prove your point that Quinnie here is merely wasting her precious time with those equally, if not more, one-dimensional girls."

"Hey!" Quinn was about to plead her case when the diva continued her speech.

"Quinn, Santana and I only wish the best for you because we know that despite all of your success as a lawyer, you still haven't found that one person who could truly make you happy and make you feel complete. But it was still insensitive on Santana's part to mention that rather horrendous experience of yours," Rachel pointedly emphasized to Santana. Turning to face the blonde, "That being said, you, sweetie, did not have to bring up Brittany. That is totally uncalled for and obviously dropped on this particular conversation just to spite Santana," the diva softly disciplined the blonde who was then looking as guilty as the brunette ex-cheerleader.

"Sorry, S. I don't know what has gotten into me. Forgive me?"

"Forget about it, Q. It was wrong of me to mention that, as Rachel described, horrendous experience of yours. I was just kidding, you know that," Santana was smirking now that the tension had been, as always, ridden of by her wife. It was always the same story. The two easily enraged and feisty women who most of the time irked each other out of their wits are far too effortlessly managed by one small, tiny-framed brunette.

"So…like I said before this super insensitive jerk over here," Quinn smilingly snorted at Santana before continuing, "rattled about the unspeakable, I gotta go. I'll see you guys later at 7, ok? Wait, just to clarify. I'm officially relieved of the bringing of wine duty tonight, right?"

"If and only if, you don't bring one of your fat-because-she-is-like-one-ounce-heavier-than-an-average-12-year-old-super-skinny-girl college student you're likely to meet once you turn to that next corner," a serious looking Rachel with her index finger raised reminded Quinn.

"And if I meet her two corners from there?" Without any doubt, the Lopez spouses were not even a little bit amused. "Alright, alright. No bringing of girls tonight. But I will hold you to that dinner tomorrow night, Berry. I have the perfect girl in mind that will annoy you out of your freakin' wits," Quinn half-jokingly cornered Rachel for another dinner. If the diva only knew the reason behind the parade of random girls…

"Anytime but tonight, Fabray," the diva then tilted her head and tip-toed in order to wrap her arms around the blonde's neck and put a resounding kiss on her cheek. "Love you, bitch."

"Love you, geek," Quinn returned the embrace and the peck on the cheek to the diva but not without holding the latter a few more seconds than necessary. "Bye, S. See you later." With that, the blonde walked her way out of the market, stomach with the same usual knot and chest aching due to that long unrequited love…10 years of regret following behind her.


	3. Chapter 3

It's pathetic. She knows.

She has been pining for a girl for 10 years like a desperate protagonist in a contemptible tragic soap opera. Thrown into this pile of crap of a life is the fact that she's not planning to go anywhere. She's never going to leave Rachel. She has to have Rachel Berry in her life in any capacity and despite whatever pain it may cause the blonde.

She had no intention or the patience to even pretend she can attend to all the case folders waiting for her in the office. It was for the best interest of her sanity to get away from the couple. As much as the mere presence of Rachel brings comfort to her, that same reason can break her into pieces. Now, sitting behind the piano at her apartment, she began to play random keys on the piano until a familiar tune escaped her mind and ran through her fingers. Softly, she sang the first few lines, _something always brings back to you…it never takes too long…no matter what I say or do…I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone…_

Her thoughts immediately drifted to that dreadful day when her destiny was snatched away from her grasp…

"If only I can convince my mother that this weekend trip to New York isn't necessary," Quinn whined in Rachel's shoulder. The other girl didn't say anything; she just continued on rubbing soothing circles on the friend's back.

"Hmmm…maybe it won't be that bad. It's only for two days. What are you so worried about, sweetie?"

"Everything. First, I'd be stuck with my mother for two whole days. And you know that despite her best efforts to reach out to me, conversations with her would always end up awkward. Second and most important of all…" Quinn slightly pulled away from the brunette and started to fidget, refusing to look at the latter.

Sensing the sudden hesitance of the blonde, Rachel asked, "What is it, Quinn?" Still the cheerleader failed to meet the diva's eyes. Rachel brought a finger to the blonde's chin and gingerly moved the latter's head to meet her eyes. "Quinn?"

"It's just that…for a the past few months now, I considered my Saturdays hanging out time with you. I'm gonna miss you, Rach."

"Aww…I'm surely going to miss your company too, Quinn. But this is just one weekend. We have other Saturdays to hang out. Your mother is making huge efforts to reconnect with you. We only have a few months before leaving for college. It is understandable that she would want to repair your relationship before you leave. Give her a chance, Quinn. Please? For me…"

"Well, I guess I don't have much choice then," of course, she doesn't have the power to decline such request coming from the brunette. "Text me always? Or better yet, call me?"

"Of course. Have fun checking out universities in New York," with that, Rachel embraced Quinn with all her might. "Love you, bitch."

Trying not to look like a crybaby, Quinn swallowed the sobs threatening to spill out from her lips and returned the hug of the brunette with equal might. "Love you, geek."

The whole time she was in New York, Quinn and Rachel kept their promise to each other that they will call and text whenever possible. The blonde wasn't at all surprise to see herself itching to go back home. God, she misses Rachel so much. Although she still hasn't fully processed her feelings for the diva, there's no point in denying she is the most important person in Quinn's life at the moment and, maybe for a long time.

When Rachel texted her that Santana was asking if they could hang out, Quinn honestly does not know how to react. She felt bad leaving the brunette alone on their usual hang out day. On the other hand, her possessive self did not like the idea of Rachel spending _their day_ with someone else. Also, Quinn was not really sure of the Latina's feelings towards Rachel. Granted, the two were on a sort of truce, the Latina seemingly tolerating the presence of the diva because of the blonde cheerleader, Quinn can't help but be concerned that she wasn't there to protect Rachel in case this invitation is another elaborate prank orchestrated by Santana. However, reality kicked her in the butt and reminded her that she has no right to keep Rachel to herself. So she encourage Rachel to accept Santana's invitation but without first sending an SMS to the Latina warning her not to even think of pulling one of her schemes to further humiliate the diva or she will make her run suicides until the very last day of practice.

Monday morning in school, Quinn practically ran and shoved people on her path in her excitement to see Rachel. Quinn cannot describe through words the feelings bursting in her chest the moment she saw the diva in front of her locker with a tray in hand.

"Welcome back, Quinn!"

"Thanks, Rach," it took all of Quinn's energy to refrain herself from tackling the other girl. Instead, Quinn settled on giving Rachel the sweetest smile not many people do not know the HBIC possessed. Noticing the tray in the brunette's hands, "What are these?"

"They are my 'Welcome Back' and 'I Missed You' cookies," the smaller girl replied with a similar smile.

"Thanks Rach." Accepting the tray of cookies, Quinn instantly placed it on her locker. She then hooked her arm with Rachel's, guiding the girl towards their first class. "How was your weekend? You haven't told me yet what happened on Saturday with you and Santana. But seeing you're still alive, I guess it went better than I expected," Quinn joked.

Quinn was instantly concerned when she noticed the somber look on Rachel's face. But before she can ask the diva, something caught the latter's attention. Quinn followed the brunette's line of sight. Several lockers ahead, Santana was openly flirting with a guy from the football team.

"No wonder B just gave up on her, huh? She couldn't keep it in her pants, or skirt," Quinn said shaking her head.

"Maybe there's more to it than Santana's letting us know," Rachel retorted without lifting her gaze on the Latina.

Taken aback by Rachel's sudden defense of Santana, Quinn turned her body to face brunette, "What would make you say that?"

"Nothing," Rachel curtly replied. "Let's head to class, shall we?"

Quinn wanted to push the subject more but decided against it. Whatever's bothering Rachel, the blonde's confident that she'll know eventually as they have promised one another that there'll be no keeping secrets between the two of them. However, when Friday came and still Rachel refused to talk about what happened the past Saturday by ignoring Quinn's questions or changing the subject all together, Quinn could not help but to think that indeed something significant occurred during that one time she was not with her best friend. She tried to trace back to the events of that week, looking for any clues that she might have missed. It was then she realized that she had not spent one lunch period with both Rachel and Santana. Since Monday one of them would make an excuse for not spending lunch at the cafeteria. Furthermore, Rachel seemed a little distracted. There had been more than three instances where Quinn noticed the diva spacing out.

The first instinct that came to Quinn was to beat the hell out of Santana Lopez. It has got to be something the Latina did, the blonde was quite sure of it. But Quinn knows Rachel does not condone violence. Hence, the only acceptable recourse was to ask Rachel straight. "Rach, what happened on Saturday? You can tell me everything. Did Santana hurt you in any way?"

They were sitting on the floor of Rachel's room, doing their respective home works. Like with the previous attempts of Quinn, Rachel stayed quiet. It seemed to Quinn that Rachel decided to once again ignore her. As she was about to ask the brunette again, the diva answered without looking at Quinn, "I kissed Santana."

**A/N: The song played by Quinn is Gravity by Sara Bareilles.**

**Continuation of Quinn's miserable trip down memory lane will be in the next chapter. **


	4. Chapter 4

_You hold me without touch…you keep me without chains…I never wanted anything so much…than to drown in your love and not feel your rain…_Quinn attempted to cover the aches of the past with the words of the song she was playing. With eyes closed, she forced herself to painfully reminisce the day her heart was shattered for the first time by the chocolate-eyed girl.

"I kissed Santana," Rachel confessed.

The whole world seemed to stop and spin at the same time for Quinn. To say she was left flabbergasted by those three simple words, was a big fat understatement. She tried to move. She opened her mouth to speak but closed it abruptly not knowing what to say. She moved her head to face Rachel in order to see the truth through the diva's eyes. Her body was stoic but inside she was screaming.

"I think she came here with the intention of drowning her conflicting emotions towards Brittany with a bottle of vodka. I declined her proposal to join her and instead offered to sit through the whole ordeal. At first, as expected she hurled insults my way. She enumerated in great detail the lists of nicknames pertaining to my alleged manliness, how she'd rather go blind than spend a day looking at my argyle and animal printed sweaters, the reasons why nobody, not even, the men who had been romantically interested in me, cannot put up with my obnoxious personality and many more." Quinn winced with the mention of all the things she had at some point considered as Rachel's unbearable traits which now she found extremely adorable. Guilt temporarily substituted the jealousy, hurt and anxiety she was feeling a few moments ago. The other girl continued to narrate what transpired on that faithful day still not looking at the blonde, "I tried not to let any of the insults get to me. I was perhaps immune from them anyway. However, the more alcohol she consumed, I noticed that she was slowly opening up about her feelings for Brittany. How strongly she feels about her. How it pains her to see Brittany finding happiness and contentment from Artie. How she often wishes she was brave enough to come out and declare her true feelings for her. She was a mess, Quinn. I can't help but feel for her. In some way I found myself being able to relate to what she was going through."

"Relate? How so?"

"Well, behind the strong façade, I concluded, Santana was lonely. She was masquerading her feeling alone with her so-called _badassness_. I'm sure by now you have probably observed that what I portray in school is not really the person that I am outside the confinements of McKinley High. My fears and insecurities are well covered by my ambition, loud personality and constant need to be the best," Rachel was now letting out the tears she had been controlling for the past week. Of course, this confession of the diva was not new to Quinn. She knew that Rachel at home was far from the outcast known by their peers. "Instead of feeding my ego with the knowledge that the Santana Lopez I have come to know in school was in fact a mess deep inside, I found myself having this sudden urge to comfort her. I want to ease her pain. I let her cry until she felt too weak to stand. She spent the night. But, for reason unbeknownst to me, before she fell asleep in my bed, I kissed her."

"You don't know why you kissed her?" Quinn blurted out, the anger in her voice was not too subtle.

"I really don't know why, Quinn"

"Why didn't you tell me about this? And judging by the fact I haven't been with you and Santana at the same time during lunch the entire week, she reverted back to her old self. What's your excuse? Do you now regret kissing her?" Quinn could only hope that the girl indeed regretted what happened. "Clearly, Rach, nothing good can result from that. We both know Santana. I'm just glad that she hasn't done anything yet to humiliate you."

"Well, Quinn…you see…" the brunette was obviously delaying whatever she wanted to say. After inhaling deeply, "Santana and I have been kind of, sort of, seeing each other secretly…"

"WHAT?"

_Set me free, leave me be…I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity…here I am and I stand so tall…I'm just the way I'm supposed to be…but you're onto me and all over me…_

She was no longer a stranger to heartbreaks. A permanent wound was etched in her heart by the very same persons who raised her when they had decided she was not worthy to be called their daughter and threw her on the street. A big chunk was detached from her heart the moment she gave away her daughter who lived inside her for nine months. Her own flesh and blood. She saw herself no different from her parents and it was too disconcerting. It took her a long time to convince herself that what she did was the best she could do at the time; she had no other option as she has nothing to offer to her. Simplified, her heart was battered and bruised even before Rachel came into her life. She must be numb already, right?

But she wasn't.

This heartache was different. For the first time in her life, Quinn opened up her heart to someone. She trusted a person with it. No inhibitions and with blind courage, she forged forward into the unknown…only to hit a brick wall in the end. It sucked the air from her lungs. It was a never ending pain. She tried to stay away from her. God knows how she tried. Running away had always been the first course of action for her when things get rough. She was trained to swipe issues under the rug. And she meant to do just that with this pain.

But she didn't.

Instead she let herself be drowned by the pain and pulled into the gravity that is Rachel Berry. Quinn settled to being the shoulder to cry on, the steady rock and the mute observer. She could not voice out her opinion in fear that she might lose Rachel. She knows that the diva was now quickly getting too attached to the Latina. Clinging unto Santana and hoping that any time soon, the latter would realize her worth.

Their relationship was nothing short of a rollercoaster ride. One moment Rachel was giddy and expectant that Santana was making progress. Another moment, the brunette was in Quinn's arms crying her eyes out because of the Latina's open display of viciousness earlier on the day. But she was also quick to psychoanalyze and defend Santana's ways.

"I know she cares for me, Quinn. If she doesn't, why do you think she still goes to my house every night? She's just…_confused_. Added to this, she's scared that people in school may find out about us and I've already accepted the fact that she's not yet ready to make our..whatever this is between us _public_. I have no right to demand anything from her. We have yet to make it clear what this is. She'll come around. I believe that or rather I want to believe that she'll come around and I will be there when that time comes."

Unknown to Rachel, with every excuse she makes for Santana, Quinn's heart breaks a little bit more. The regret she felt for not processing her feelings towards her best friend earlier on intensified every single time she witnessed how unworthy Santana was of Rachel's love and attention. On more than one occasion, Rachel had begged Quinn not to confront the other brunette. But with every fault committed by Santana, Quinn's hope that this thing between Rachel and the Latina will soon come to an end grew more. If Santana doesn't come around, as Rachel expected, Quinn will be there to catch Rachel's fall. She will make sure of it.

And that day came.

"I cannot do it anymore, Quinn. I can't bear being second best only. When I saw her approach Brittany earlier, it dawned on me that she'll never pick me. She will in the end choose Brittany. With one insult thrown at Brittany, she came running to her defense. She will kill for Brittany. But with me…everyday, Quinn, I am tossed around by people. Not one day had passed that people would look down on me, insult me and give me crap for being who I am. And she just let it happen. She even initiated some of them. I can't anymore. Otherwise, I fear that I'm going to lose myself."

And as she promised, Quinn was there to catch Rachel. She picked up the shattered pieces of her best friend. She steadied her foot on the ground in order for Rachel to lean on her. She pretended and forced her own broken heart to mend just so it can be enough for both of them. She pushed her own feelings for Rachel on the background and waited patiently until the moment the latter was ready to let another person in.

Prom night. Quinn planned to wait until after prom to reveal her true feelings to Rachel. The diva was doing much better. She was a lot happier and almost her old self once again. For a month after her fall out with Santana, Rachel was nothing but morose. She would refuse to eat, go out and talk to other people except Quinn and her dads. Glee club's practices were filled with solos of Rachel depicting her heartache and devastation. Their peers not once attempted to question the diva of her choice of songs as they knew the she won't answer. She only opened her mouth to sing and nothing else. They tried to ask Quinn but her loyalty was to Rachel. On the other side of the break up, if Quinn was being honest, she also observed that Santana had changed. Although the usual smirk was still there, Santana's gait was somehow different, almost weak. The casual way she would throw insults at everybody had decreased. But the Latina held her ground and did not plead Rachel to take her back, and Quinn was fine with that. However, there were times when the blonde would catch Santana staring somewhat longingly at Rachel.

The night of the prom could not come by fast enough for Quinn. Although it took some convincing for Rachel to agree to attend the prom, she agreed to attend with Quinn and the rest of the Glee club. When Quinn saw Rachel in her emerald green low-cut dress with ruffled sleeves and banded waist, the blonde could not stop her jaw from dropping to the floor. She had never seen somebody more beautiful. She decided that it had got to be tonight or never. Everything was going along fine; Santana was nowhere to be seen and that relieved Quinn. She was fetching Rachel a glass of punch when suddenly it was all dark in the gym. Then, three things happened at the same time: One, the intro to a songbegan to surround the whole place. Two, a spotlight focused on somebody Quinn cannot see from where she was standing. And three, the lights on the stage lit up, revealing one Santana Lopez on the mic. After recovering from the shock from it all, Quinn immediately sought Rachel out. _This can't be happening_, she muttered to herself. She can't seem to get to Rachel any faster. Everybody was standing still as they watched confused on the performance unfolding before them. _I can't afford to lose her again_, her mind was whirling. By the time she saw the brunette she discovered that indeed the spotlight was focused on Rachel who was gaping and on the verge of tears.

"Rachel?" Quinn tried to grab the attention of the girl when she got to her side. But the other girl had eyes for one person only at that moment. And it was not Quinn.

Santana's line of sight was leading only to Rachel while she sang and pleaded, "_Please don't leave me…please don't leave me…I always say that I don't need you…But it's always gonna come right back to this…Please don't leave me…"_

Rachel was openly tearing up by now. Quinn could only hope that the diva was crying because of the hurt caused by Santana resurfaced. It took all of Quinn's energy to refrain herself from jumping on the stage and shoving the mic down the Latina's throat. The blonde can feel her blood boiling.

"_I forgot to say out loud how beautiful you really are to me…I can't be without, you're my perfect little punching bag…and I need you…I'm sorry…_"

_And this is the way she's going to lose Rachel? With those lyrics nonetheless?_ Quinn asked herself. She cannot fathom how Rachel could find the song comforting and convincing no matter how solemn and sincere Santana look at the moment.

"_Please don't leave me…_" Santana sang the last line before she slowly descended the stage and went straight to Rachel, people parting as she passed by. It seemed like they were the only persons in the large room, the diva and the Latina maintained eye contract not once breaking the trance they were seemingly in.

They were standing face to face. One girl pleading with her eyes while the other looked thoughtful. A third person outside of the bubble held her breath for what's to come. Silence enveloped the duo until the one broke and spoke…

"Rachel…" Santana started. "I am messed up. You saw that. I didn't. I was scared, I was a coward. You knew that. I didn't. I was hurt and confused. You felt that. I resented you for it. Why? Because there's something you don't know. This is the first time somebody saw me for who I am and instead of running away or letting me be, you took my hand and offered to guide me through. I was used to being in control, it's the way I roll, you know? I was not ready for you. Or so I thought until you too gave up on me. I was left more confused and hurt more than ever because as much as I don't wanna admit it, having you around made sense. You balanced me out without judging me." The Latina moved closer to the diva and took her hands. Rachel hadn't uttered a single word just staring at the girl in front of her. "I don't wanna be scared anymore. I am not saying or promising I'll have a 180 degree turn about immediately. But I am ready to be better. I am ready for you."

Quinn cannot believe what she was hearing. She was supposed to be the one doing the convincing and courting to Rachel and sweeping her off her feet. She wanted to put an end to the spectacle created by Santana. She wanted to pull Rachel away and tell her that she can't accept this, that she is risking her heart once again. She wanted to turn back time and not to face the present where it seemed she might have missed her chance to confess her feelings to Rachel again. But as Quinn stared at the brunette, she knew the battle had already been lost. She suddenly felt a knot in her stomach and a heavy ache pressing against her chest. This feeling will forever hunt her together with the regret of not being brave enough to tell the one person who mattered the most that she, Quinn Fabray, was ready for her.

"How about Brittany?" Rachel asked.

"We already talked. She was the one who pulled out the stick up my ass. B made me realize what I've been failing to see. I was holding onto her because she is my best friend. She'll always be. I'm sorry for being stupid, vicious and arrogant ass. I'm sorry for the song. I know it's not something from Broadway but for once I want my feelings to be known. This is me, Rachel. I may have messed up bad in the past but I will willingly make it up to you for as long as you'll have me. For as long as you want, I'll be here."

Silence…Everybody seemed to be holding their breaths, waiting for a response from the diva who just locked her eyes with the Latina. With one swift move, Rachel cupped Santana's face with both hands and brought it to her own to lightly kiss the other girl. They then wrapped their arms around each other, lips connected.

Rachel gently pulled away. "Santana, I know you'll come around," murmured in Santana's ear.

The throbbing pain in Quinn's chest that night remained and never faded even after ten years. She poured all the emotions on the piano keys and let the words combine with her sobs.

_I live here on my knees as I try to make you see that you're everything I think I need here on the ground.__  
__But you're neither friend nor foe though I can't seem to let you go.__  
__The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down__  
__You're on to me, on to me, and all over...__  
__Something always brings me back to you._

_It never takes too long_.

**A/N: Songs: Gravity by Sara Bareilles**

** Please Don't Leave Me by P!nk**


	5. Chapter 5

Dark chocolate eyes met hazel eyes, both not breaking the stupor they are in. Two sets of feet seemed buried on the ground, unmoving. Moments passed but remained unnoticed.

"Hi," the owner of darker eyes was the first one to speak.

"Hi," the girl with the hazel orbs responded still lost in the all too familiar sight.

"I apologize for my inattentiveness. This was totally my fault. I guess I was just lost in thoughts that I did not see you coming. May I offer you any help?"

"Huh?"

"Your shirt. It's wet and stained. I am truly sorry."

"Uh huh"

"My apartment is just a block away. You can clean up there. Please accept my offer. I really apologize for the inconvenience I caused you. I'm Amanda, by the way."

As soon as she heard the name, Quinn's trance was broken. She immediately felt the hot liquid seeping through her shirt. It was just then that her mind reacted to what was going on and she lifted the wet part of her shirt away from her torso. "Oh," her ability to speak has yet to catch up, though.

"I truly apologize. Please let's get you to my apartment so you can clean up. I swear it was an accident. I did not mean for this to happen. Or if you are not comfortable going to my place, as I can fully understand seeing that I am in fact a stranger to you, I can buy you another shirt instead. Just please let me repair the situation for I am very embarrassed on what I caused."

The rambling should not have been cute if it was not also too familiar. "Uhmm…I guess it will be nice to clean up."

"Oh, okay. My apartment is down the block," Amanda informed the blonde who was still staring at the face of the other girl. "It's over there. Right after the Chinese take-out place," Amanda pointed to a direction behind Quinn.

Quinn looked over her shoulders to where Amanda was pointing. "Okay but only if it's fine with you. This is not a big deal. I was also at fault. I was also inattentive so there's no need to apologize profusely," the blonde returned her gaze at the other girl. "I'm Quinn, by the way." She offered her hand to the still embarrassed Amanda.

Amanda took said hand and shook it. "Of course, it is fine and I insist. So…let's go?"

Quinn nodded and followed the girl. The blonde let Amanda lead the way giving her time to study the latter. The girl in front of her has the same height as her best friend but she doesn't attempt to hide her small stature with stilettos. Her brown straight locks fall to shoulders. There is an air of confidence with the way Amanda carries herself but it does not come off as arrogance.

Before Quinn can inspect the girl further, they are in front of Amanda's apartment door. "So this is my place," the girl pushes the door open and signals Quinn to enter. "The bathroom is to your left. If you want to change your shirt, please don't hesitate to say so. I'll go see if I have a shirt I haven't used yet."

"I think I'll just wipe the stain off. You need not bother giving me a shirt."

"Are you sure? It's really fine by me. Again, this is all my fault – "

"No, I told you I wasn't paying much attention as well. Stop apologizing. Thank you for your offer."

"Oh, okay. So…"

"I'll go ahead and clean up," Quinn finishes for her. As the blonde entered the bathroom, she was overwhelmed with strawberry scent. She quickly looks at the toiletries and finds that they are the same as Rachel's. She swallows loudly and shakes her head trying not to make a big deal of all the similarities between the girl outside and her best friend.

She grips the counter and closes her eyes. She should have been used to this. Every time she meets a brunette with brown eyes, her instincts immediately take control over her and before she knew it she is keeping tabs of how similar the girl to her own brunette…if she can even call her that. It is not like she goes out of her way to find a girl with brown hair and brown eyes. On the contrary, most of the girls she sleeps with are blonde. She does not want to get attached to any of them. She only needs the physical intimacy and not the emotional attachment that will complicate things if she allows herself to make believe that the person writhing underneath her is Rachel. And being with somebody that reminds her so much of Rachel is too tempting to resist.

She cannot deal with this. Not today. Quinn held her breath in an attempt to avoid the _scent_. She quickly dabbed a wet towel to the stain. Realizing that the damage to her shirt cannot be remedied, she neatly folds and places the towel on the counter. She checks her appearance in the mirror one last time before exiting the bathroom. With closed eyes, she releases the breath she held only to face the chocolate-eyed girl as soon as she opens her eyes.

"I see that I totally ruined your shirt," Amanda observes not meeting Quinn's eyes.

"Like I said earlier, there's no need to blame it on yourself," the blonde tries to placate the brunette's guilt feeling.

"Alrighty. Do you want something to drink then?" Amanda asks while leading the blonde to the kitchen. She opens the refrigerator and enumerates what she can offer the blonde. "I got some apple juice, wine, water…" she then points to the coffee machine, "or coffee?" The brunette immediately remembers the incident that led them at this moment, "urm, or maybe not?" She nervously chuckles.

"Yeah, I think we had enough coffee for the day," Quinn agrees laughing. "Water would be fine. You have a nice apartment."

Amanda retrieves a bottle of water from the ref and hands it to Quinn. "Thanks." Silence enveloped the apartment. Neither girl knows what to say. Both are looking everywhere but the other person. For some unknown reason, tension fills the environment.

"So…uhmm…thanks for letting me clean up here. Maybe I'll see you around then. Minus the coffee stain, I hope," Quinn tries to lift the tension.

"Yeah, minus the coffee stain and my clumsiness. I hope the next time I'll be more aware of where I'm heading."

With that, Quinn steps out the apartment, not taking a second look at the brunette. She cannot afford any more similarities of the stranger to her diva.

_Ring…Ring…_

Quinn rings the doorbell of the Lopez's three-story townhouse. Her head is still reeling from the emotional whirlwind she earlier went through. But, out of habit and practice, when the time came to pick herself up, she simply took deep breaths, wiped her tears and pretended that nothing can hinder a Fabray from moving on with her life. This heartache didn't mean anything. She lived with and pushed through it for ten years so what's an hour or two of dinner with the biggest "villains" of her life?

A minute after buzzing, she hears footsteps hurrying to get the door. Within seconds Quinn's sight is overwhelmed by one Rachel Berry. Dressed in a very short tight fitting black tube dress, Rachel, as per usual, is gorgeous. After drooling over the girl who is smiling brightly at her, Quinn has to remind herself that Rachel did not dress like that for her.

"Hey you," Quinn greets the girl with a tight hug and a peck on the cheek.

"Hey to you too," Rachel returns the hug eagerly.

"Chateau Lafite Rothschild Pauillac 1996 for my lady," Quinn teasingly offers the wine she brought for the occasion to Rachel.

Rachel blinks before questioning Quinn, "Does this mean you brought one of your girls?" The brunette moves to step outside peering from side to side and checking whether the blonde had company. "Quinn, we begged you – "

"Relax, Rach. I complied with your request, no matter how unreasonable it is," the blonde says trying to assure the brunette. "Now, feed me!"

Once convinced, Rachel chuckles and lets the blonde inside the house. "You shouldn't have bothered, Quinn. Although I applaud you for your choice of wine, I was intent on keeping my part of bargain as well," Rachel teasingly smiles at the lawyer.

"Well, I thought if I wasn't allowed to bring a date to entertain myself might as well get drunk so that I can sit through this dinner without vomiting from incessant display of sappiness," Quinn half-heartedly jokes.

"No worries, sweetie. I know how you feel about spending time alone with me and San that is why I cooked your favorite dish…"

"Bacon?"

Rachel smiled while trying to hide the scrunching of her nose in disgust. She took the hand of the blonde and led her to the living room where her wife was busy putting some music on.

Dinner was served and was being consumed when Santana's phone rang. "Hey, what's up?" The Latina's brow furrowed while listening to her assistant on the other line. "I thought that's not due until next week. What's the rush…Okay…Bring it here."

"What was that about, babe?" Rachel asks after seeing the furrowed brows of her wife.

"The big client I was telling you about wants to have a meeting tomorrow morning. It was kind of last minute so my assistant is coming over to bring the files I need to run over for the meeting," Santana does not even try her irritation. She reaches across the table to touch the back of the hand of Rachel. "I'm so sorry, babe. I know I promise no work tonight. I'll make it up to you. Don't be upset…please."

Rachel gently places her other hand atop of Santana's before bringing the same to her lips. "I understand, babe. You're here. That is what's important, right? Just you and me…together." Santana, obviously touched at her wife's words, slowly leans forward intending to kiss the other brunette –

"Okay…I haven't had enough wine so no kissing, cuddling, or whatsoever sappy way you want to express your adoration towards each other OR I'll just press some numbers here," Quinn waving her cellphone in the air, "so me and one my _girls_ can just join you guys." She ends her threat with a smirk.

Santana immediately sat up on her chair. "Well played, Fabray," the Latina praises the blonde, raising her glass to Quinn. A few moments passes, the doorbell rings. "I'll get it."

"Why don't you let her in? Invite her for dinner. I want to meet this assistant of yours," Rachel offers.

With a raised brow, Santana asks, "You sure?"

"Yep," the diva reassures her wife with a smile.

"Ok."

"What's up with the needing to meet the assistant?" Quinn teasingly asks her best friend.

"Nothing…I just want to meet the people my wife spends her time with when we're not together. That's all," Rachel feigning ignorance and trying to hide her smile behind the glass of wine she's drinking from.

"Whatever you say, Rach. Whatever you say," Quinn chuckles. She is very well aware of the jealous tendencies of the diva.

The Latina then re-entered with her assistant in toe. "Hey guys, this is my assistant, Amanda." Quinn does not look up but instead her gaze drops to the coffee stain on her shirt.


	6. Chapter 6

Three months after that fateful dinner, Quinn still could not fathom how her world turned to this. Ten years of longing and desperation caused by unrequited love. Ten years of hoping and regretting. Ten years of holding onto something with no assurance of getting anything back in return. Ten long years…

Now, although she may not yet consider her life satisfactory, she was otherwise content. Looking at their conjoined hands, slightly swaying, as they walked in the park, Quinn couldn't help but give in to the smile escaping from her lips. She then lifted her head to level her hazel eyes with chocolate orbs. A simple stare from the girl beside her gave her a sense of comfort and fulfillment. At last, the moment had come where that part of her life was finally filled.

"Where have your thoughts gone to?" Quinn was dragged out of her daze by that familiar voice.

"Nowhere. Was just thinking about how I have ended here with you," Quinn replied with the sweetest smile she can probably give a person.

Laughing, the girl answered the blonde, "That's easy. By some unfortunate incident which looking back now doesn't seem so bad at all."

Quinn had to laugh at that reminder. That day would be forever engraved in her mind.

_"Hi Amanda. I'm Rachel Berry-Lopez. It's nice to finally meet Santana's new co-worker," the diva stood up and offered her hand to the assistant to shake. "This is our long time friend, Quinn Fabray," the brunette pointed to the lawyer who was still staring at her stained shirt caused by the new guest earlier._

_ "Hey it's you again!" Amanda exclaimed upon realizing who the girl she was introduced to._

_ Finally lifting her head to look at the guest, Quinn politely offered a smile and stood up to greet Amanda, "Yeah, it's me again."_

_ "You two know each other?" the spouses simultaneously asked._

_ "We met on my way here," Quinn explained._

_ "Due to an unfortunate incident for which I again sincerely apologize," Amanda quickly added._

_ "What unfortunate incident?" Rachel cannot hide her instant alarm. She directed her question to the blonde._

_ "It's nothing, Rach," Quinn said to pacify the diva. "Amanda and I were not really paying attention to where we were heading and we collided. The unfortunate event she was talking about was that when it happened she was holding a cup of coffee the contents of which subsequently landed on my shirt. Hence…" she explained while motioning to her stained shirt._

_ "Oh…okay. That seemed really unfortunate and I don't know what's gotten into me that I did not notice that stain," Rachel reacted. She immediately went to get a wet towel to attempt to fix the ruined clothing of her best friend. _

_ Meanwhile, Santana took a quick read of the folder that Amanda handed to her. "These are everything I need tomorrow?"_

_ "Yeah," Amanda nodded, not taking her eyes off the blonde who was staring on the direction Rachel had disappeared to._

_ "Okay. Thanks for these," it was then Santana noticed the way her assistant was looking at her friend. "And sorry for taking some of your time. It's a Saturday you may have plans for the night. You're single, right?"_

_ "Huh?" Amanda was mildly taken aback by the question. "Uh…yes, I am. But there's no need to apologize. You have not interrupted any plans of mine besides staying home and watching movies," the assistant explained shyly._

_ "Oh, isn't that right? My friend, Quinnie, here is also single with no usual plans on the weekends besides hanging around here at our place and being her usual third-wheel self," the Latina smirked. With this snide remark from Santana, Quinn snapped out of her stalking gaze and glared at her insulter._

_ "Get off my back, Santana, or need I remind you that with a few clicks on my phone I'd be undateless," Quinn was seriously contemplating punching the hell out of Santana though she knew the latter did not mean any harm. Her resentment towards her fellow ex-cheerleader wouldn't seem to fade through the years. As much as she wanted to appreciate Santana for taking good care of Rachel and making the diva happy, in the end, Quinn will always feel that she should have been the one doing those things to Rachel but they were stolen under her nose by Santana Fucking Lopez. That was why every jibe made by the Latina about Quinn being a hindrance between her and Rachel or being a third wheel causes the blonde's blood to boil in an instant. _

_ "Hey hey! Enough you two…we have a guest. Be at your best behavior," Rachel finally appeared from where she took off. "Sorry Amanda for these two. They sometimes forget they are not in high school anymore."_

_ "It's fine. I am used to that. Being a cheerleader in high school, tempers kind of flare from out of nowhere what with all the egos and the urge to be on top," Amanda chuckled, seemingly amused by the two bickering friends._

_ All eyes fell on the assistant. Santana raised an eyebrow, liking Amanda more because of that piece of information. Quinn stared, with her jaw dropping on the floor, at Amanda. Rachel, on the other hand, was just surprised as her wife's assistant didn't fit in the stereotype of cheerleaders. For one, Amanda didn't come off as a bitch. She seemed friendly enough. Lastly, from the moment she realized that Quinn was in the same room, she had apologized profusely. And Rachel was very much oriented with the ego accompanying a cheerleader's uniform even long after shedding it. On the other hand, Amanda was confused with the stares she was receiving from the three._

_ Several moments had passed with none of the girls talking. Of course, Rachel, the good hostess that she was, was the one to break the ice. "Okay. So, Amanda would you like to join us for dinner?"_

_ Quinn and Santana whipped their head towards the little brunette, uncertain where the invitation was coming from. Rachel had emphasized several times before that this dinner was supposed to be special and meant for only the three of them. However, Quinn knows Rachel enough to pick into her brain and realize that the latter wanted to subtly interrogate the new guest. _

_ "Uhmm…I don't want to gatecrash your dinner. Thank you anyway for the invitation," Amanda politely declined._

_ "No, you're not gatecrashing anything. It would be our pleasure for you to join us," Rachel insisted. Her wife now was just utterly confused but didn't go against the diva._

_ Amanda glanced to Santana, silently asking if it was alright to her boss if she accepts the offer. Instead of answering the mute inquiry, Santana took her seat, "Alright let's eat. Dinner is getting cold."_

_ Everyone settled in the dining table. Amanda sat beside Quinn who was devouring a large stack of bacon on her plate. Feeling the eyes studying her, the blonde turned her head to see that the assistant seemingly amused at her. "What?" Quinn asked with a tinge of irritation. _

_ "Nothing. I just haven't seen any person so enamored with bacon," Amanda replied chuckling, "Other than me, of course. I've been addicted to bacon since…." The assistant tilted her head in contemplation. "I don't know. Forever?"_

_ With this revelation, three heads were gawking now at Amanda. The latter noticed this and was puzzled as to why she was being stared at like she just said that the world was going to end any minute now. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend. I was just…sharing?"_

_ "No. No. We are not offended or anything. It's just that we haven't met anybody who shares Quinn's obsession to bacon. And when I say obsession, I mean we had at many occasions considered getting her into a rehab program," Rachel explained, taking a glance at her best friend and reaching across the table to touch the blonde's hand and communicating to her that she was just joking._

_ "Yeah yeah," Quinn playfully batted the diva's hand away._

_ "Oh! I know what you're saying. My parents quit lecturing me about the dangers of extreme consumption of bacon just recently. My cheerleading coach had to threaten me getting kicked off the squad if I don't at least lessen my addiction, stating that the team couldn't hold me up anymore," Amanda laughed. "So, can I have some?" She turned her body towards Quinn, handing the blonde her plate._

_ Perplexed, Quinn instinctively covered her stash of bacon with both hands. "If you are indeed a bacon addict, you should know better than to creep on other addict's plate!" _

_ Slightly embarrassed by Quinn's behavior, Rachel again reached across the table to grab the blonde's hand. "Sweetie, we've talked about this before, remember? It's not nice not to share even with regards to bacon."_

_ Quinn was about to retort when Santana decided to intervene. "Oh geez! Get a grip, Fabray! Give Amanda some and we'll cook some more of your disgusting strip of meat."_

_ Quinn was not amused. Oh, the girl was not amused AT ALL. Amanda could practically see smokes coming out of the blonde's ears and nose like a cartoon character. But when the assistant saw Rachel gently squeezed the hand she was holding, Quinn was immediately pacified, like there was a switch button. "Nevermind. I understand," Amanda laughed lightly, taking back her request._

_ "No, it's ok. You can have three strips but that's all I am willing to give. I hope you understand," Quinn uncovered her stash and offered her plate to Amanda who happily took three of the longest strips she could find. Were it not for the hand still holding her right hand, Quinn would have thrown another fit._

_ "Thank you," Amanda said while taking a bacon to her mouth. As soon as the meat touched her tongue, the assistant closed her eyes and let out a moan. "YUM!" She then proceeded to lick her thumb and index finger._

_ "Wow…" Quinn was suddenly mesmerized by the sight of another person having a bacongasm. Without thinking she picked a strip from her plate and brought the same to her mouth also with closed eyes just like what Amanda did. Upon tasting the salty meat, Quinn likewise moaned in delight. The other non-addicts on the table were simply bewildered by the event unfolding before them. The spouses turned to each other and simultaneously mouthed 'What the – ?'._

_ "That was…" Amanda started still with eyes closed._

_ "Perfection," Quinn finished with a smile on her lips. She opened her eyes to look at the assistant. They locked gaze and shared a knowing smile._

_ "Okay enough of your bacongasm," Santana ordered. "And stop eye-sexing. There are people here," she motioned to the Rachel and her. At Santana's mentioning of the two eye-sexing, Rachel whipped her head to the bacon-addicts and furrowed her brows. _

_ The dinner went on smoothly with Quinn and Amanda discovering that there were other things they commonly share. Amanda was also raised by strict Catholic parents. Although she was not impregnated during high school, her relationship with her father was strained the moment she came out of the closet. She also attended NYU. She was two years behind Quinn so they had never crossed paths. After their bacon-induced orgasms, Quinn and Amanda found themselves in comfortable conversations. At times, the spouses felt out of place at their own dinner._

_ Santana found this amusing. Although her friendship with Quinn was not all the time friendly, with all the competitiveness between them and the fact that they both have huge egos hindering them to back down even at the pettiest arguments, she still wishes that the blonde finds some steady relationship where she can fully experience what she and Rachel have and not those shallow one-night stands Quinn was known for._

_ On the other hand, Rachel was in protective mode. Everytime she meets a girl Quinn was seeing, she can't help but observe them. She swore to herself that she won't let anybody hurt her bestfriend for she knows that Quinn may have a strong façade but behind it lies a vulnerable person. She knows, even without Quinn admitting to her, that the blonde only used trivial relationships in order to protect herself from getting hurt. Rachel knows that deep down Quinn wanted to find that one person she can love fully and love her for what she is in return. However, what Rachel cannot completely understand up to now was the feeling of a knot in her stomach everytime the blonde took notice of another woman or when another person took notice of Quinn. But she dismissed this feeling, telling herself that she was just used to having her bestfriend's attention, no matter how selfish this reason was._

_ When dinner was finished and all the dishes were wiped off, Santana turned to Quinn, "Beer?"_

_ "Sure," Quinn agreed, standing from her seat and moving towards the living room. Rachel started to clean up the table._

_ With nothing to do, Amanda offered Rachel, "I'll help you with these."_

_ "Oh no. I can handle. You are our guest. You can join them in the living room. Do you drink beer?"_

_ "Uhmm yeah. But I insist. I crashed your dinner, this is the least that I could do," Amanda insisted, picking up a plate and stacking it to another._

_ "Okay, if you insist. So, how's working with my wife so far? I feel the need to relate to you how her mind works in order for you to fully understand her complexity. She may seem harsh at times but that doesn't mean she's insensitive. Her competitiveness is what drives her. She wants to be the best in everything that she does. Even in high school, her bitchy exterior intimidated the whole school but nobody caught up that it was just her way to hold on to being the top dog. But once you get to know her, you'll realize that she is the best support system one can have as she will always have your back," Rachel rambled in one breath. She can't help to always justify her wife to other people. Oftentimes she would give such justifications even without prompting. She wanted to avoid hearing other people bashing her wife. She had enough of that._

_ "Actually I really admire your wife. As my boss, I mean. She's always focused and determined. During my first day at the office I was already informed by our co-workers that Ms. Lopez is one of the most hardworking associates. She is regarded as one of the best amongst her peers. Yes, she may have scolded me for being a minute late but I understand that she was just professional," Amanda informed the diva. _

_ "Is that so?" Rachel was grinning upon hearing the compliments about her wife. All the time spent apart from Santana was worth the reputation the Latina was quickly gaining. "So, you said earlier that your relationship with your father was strained from the moment you came out of the closet. I hope your relationship with him had mended already."_

_ "Well, she did not kick me out of the house and he still paid for my college education. But I think the strain will always be there," Amanda sullenly replied._

_ "Oh. I am sorry for prying," Rachel said, looking at the other girl with sincere eyes. _

_ "It's fine. I had already resolved that to myself," Amanda offered Rachel a smile. "So, you three seemed to have extensive past. Have you always been friends with the two of them?"_

_ "Uhmm…actually, no. In truth, those two spent most of our high school years tormenting the geeks, myself included. However, that changed during our senior year. Up to now I can't explain how Quinn and I became friends. It just sort of happened. And well, if there's Quinn, there's Santana. Those two may have their differences but they always stuck together. And the rest, I guess, was history."_

_ "So, you were friends first with Quinn?"_

_ "Yes."_

_ "I'm sorry in advance for what I'm about to ask but how come you didn't end up with Quinn? Seeing that you're both gay and seems to be pretty close."_

_ Rachel turned to Amanda, blinking. This was the first time a person asked her that question. Many of their friends just accepted the fact that Rachel was with Santana and the diva and the blonde were just the best of friends. Furthermore, Rachel never thought of pursuing anything with the blonde even when they were both single in high school. It's not that she doesn't find Quinn attractive because, damn, everyone who has eyes would definitely describe her best friend as stunning and gorgeous. __**Why did she not tap that?**__ Rachel thought to herself. _

_ "I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable. I also didn't mean to pry."_

_ "Oh no. I just never thought about that. Quinn had always been a friend. She's one of the greatest persons I have ever known and I really treasure her. But, I guess, I never thought about having any romantic relation with her because, in the first place, being friends with her prior to our senior year was so unlikely to happen given that she had on so many instances manifested her hatred towards me. When the impossible transpired, I just took it and was grateful for it that I may have unconsciously refrained myself from expecting anything beyond platonic relations with her. However, it's a moot point. I found the love of my life and any feelings I could have had towards Quinn would not certainly lead to what I have with Santana," Rachel explained more to herself than to Amanda._

_ "Alright. I understand. I guess, seeing you and Quinn reminded me of my best friend. But, unlike you and Quinn, we were one of those who crossed the line and decided to pursue a relationship which ended tragically. So, it is fortunate for you not to have driven down that road with Quinn. Not every best friend would turn out to be a best girlfriend," Amanda replied smiling. Rachel still digesting the contents of the conversation simply nodded in agreement without really meaning to. "So, can I ask you a question about this awesome, stunning and gorgeous best friend of yours?" Rachel again just nodded. "With all the great qualities you just enumerated, why is Quinn still single?"_

_ Rachel snapped out of her contemplation and quickly tilted her head towards the assistant. She had a feeling where this question was leading to and she's not so sure why but she didn't like it one bit. "She's just picky. She has every right to be. She's a catch, you know. And she deserves only the best," Rachel did not even attempt to hide the bite in her tone._

_ "She is really important to you. I am like that to every girl my best friend is dating. Don't worry. I don't plan to pursue Quinn," Amanda tried to lighten the mood between them._

_ "Oh. I apologize for my behavior. I can't help being super protective of her. She's like family to me. Be that as it may, I have no right to refrain anybody from pursuing her. I just have to look out for her and kick the ass of any person who would hurt her," Rachel tried to compose herself knowing she might have overreacted._

_ "Okay. Does that mean I'm allowed to change my previous stand on pursuing her?" Amanda half-joked._

_ Baffled, Rachel furrowed her brows for a second then regained her poise and smiled at the other girl, "Of course. But I must warn you, I attended a few classes in karate a few years back." She just needed to threaten the girl._

_ Amanda bobbed her head and laughed lightly. Once all the dishes were put inside the dishwasher, an uncomfortable silence enveloped the two. Amanda didn't know how to lighten up the mood while Rachel had no intention of continuing whatever there was left to discuss. She could not comprehend the sudden irritation for the other girl. The sound emitting from the dishwasher caused Rachel to remind herself that Amanda was a guest that she had to put up with. "So, do you want a beer? Wine? Coffee?"_

_ "Beer would be fine."_

_ With that, they joined the other girls. Bottles of beer and glasses of wine (for Rachel) were consumed and mixed with light conversations until Rachel unconsciously yawned. "Okay. The hostess has subtly reminded us," Quinn pointed looking at Amanda, "her guests that we have been given ample time here and it is time to leave." The blonde laughed while extricating herself from the couch. She extended her hand to Amanda, "Walk you home?"_

_ Rachel was suddenly alert with no trace of tiredness. "No. It's okay. I'm not tired. I don't even know why I yawned," the diva tried to prevent the inevitable, that was Quinn and Amanda leaving the house together and, possibly, continuing the evening someplace else._

_ "Babe, it's already past midnight. And I have an early meeting tomorrow," Santana informed her wife, not minding that she sounded rude to her guests._

_ "Yeah, San's right, Rach. We better get going so you can still celebrate your anniversary alone," Quinn tried to be the nonchalant about it but the knot in her stomach and the pain in her chest were constricting her that it got harder for her to breathe. Fortunately, those feelings were cut short when she felt a hand touching hers. She looked down at their hands and saw Amanda in front of her. "Let's go?"_

_ "Sure," Amanda replied and gave Quinn a shy smile._

_ Even with another hand on hers, Quinn moved toward Rachel. Taking away her hand from Amanda, the blonde hugged the diva tightly. "Dinner was great as usual, Rach. You are the best cook. You are the best."_

_ "Thank you, Quinn. You are the best, too," Rachel returned the hug with equal intensity. Santana just rolled her eyes. She was used to the two being touchy and sappy and it never affected her for she was secured of Rachel's feelings for her. However, Amanda was a bit uncomfortable and confused as to the true extent of the friendship between Rachel and Quinn._

_ Quinn pulled away only to place a quick kiss on Rachel's forehead. "Goodnight. I love you, geek."_

_ Taking a deep breath, Rachel replied, "Goodnight. I love you, bitch."_

_ With one last hug, Quinn turned to Santana and patted her back, "Thanks, S. Enjoy the rest of your night."_

_ "What? No hugs and kiss?" Santana feigned disappointment. When Quinn moved to hug her, Santana held up a finger, "Kidding. Just kidding."_

_ All four girls laughed. Amanda walked towards the spouses. "Thank you for the dinner. Like Quinn said, it was great. Happy anniversary."_

_ "You're welcome," Santana and Rachel said at the same time._

_ The spouses walked their guests to the door. Rachel followed with her eyes the two even as they turned to the corner. "Finally. I guess, it's time to start our party," Santana said suggestively, wrapping her arms around her wife's waist. _

_ "Yeah. Finally," once Rachel looked up at Santana, she was immediately overwhelmed with love for the latter. The thought of her best friend going on another date quickly forgotten._

_ As for Quinn and Amanda, Rachel was right. Neither wanted the night to end. Both feeling the urge to get to know the other better. They wouldn't even remember the next day who suggested grabbing coffee after leaving the Lopez's residence. They just knew that one unfortunate incident plus one coincidental meeting afterwards plus a common addiction to bacon led to a connection that surprised them both for being what they have forever longed for._


	7. Chapter 7

_And the Emmy goes to…_

"Please Moses…please Barbra…let it not be her…please…" Rachel pleaded with closed eyes.

_Dakota Fanning!_

"NO!" the scream vibrated throughout the Lopez's residence. Rachel was now on the floor in tears and her wife can only do so much. Santana hugged the crying diva tightly whilst willing herself not to succumb into the fits of laughter drumming inside her chest. She loves her wife but on several occasions she still found the girl as dramatic as she was in high school. The only difference between now and their high school days, the Latina adored the tiny diva's quirks and flaws.

"Babe, it's ok. You'll have your time. You know that. I know that. Everybody knows that for a fact. You are Rachel Fucking Berry!" Every word of the last part Santana made sure to punctuate with a passionate kiss on her wife's lips. "Let the poor girl Fanning have this."

But the diva was beyond consoling. And to hear that the girl who won the award meant for her only made Rachel more furious. "Poor?" the smaller Lopez exclaimed, getting up from the floor to pace around their living room while her wife was left staring at her not knowing what sparked the diva's fuse. "You're actually telling me to have some sort of positive feeling towards an _average_ actress who stole _MY_ award right under my nose and not to mention possibly my only chance to achieve my life-long dream of becoming an EGOT awardee! Do you know me at all, Santana Lopez?" Rachel was minutes away from hyperventilating.

Hearing her wife doubt her, Santana stood up from the floor and advanced to her wife. Grabbing the frantic diva from the shoulders, Santana made sure her wife had already quit pacing and had her full attention before she spoke, "Okay. I'm gonna ignore the fact that you just doubted me. I'll try to be the bigger person and the loving spouse that I am and assure you how talented you are. We talked about this before, babe. Your contract with your show hinders you from taking the long break needed for you to take that guest spot. We made Quinn ran over your contract to see if there's any holes in there to justify that but she explained to us how ironclad the clauses in that contract are." The taller brunette then cupped the face of the diva with both hands, willing the latter to look at her. "It was not meant to be. But you winning an Emmy is an inevitable thing, Rach. We'll just have to be patient."

Everything Santana said was true, Rachel knew that. But her drive and ambition caused her to fear not achieving her life-long dreams. She knew her wife was trying so hard to appease her and be patient with her. She loved Santana with all her heart. But at times like this, Rachel also knew there's only one person she wanted to console her. Gently pulling away from her, she asked her, "Where is she anyway? She knows this is an important night for me. She knows that I will _definitely _need her here. Where is she? Some best friend she is!" Rachel ranted, stomping her foot one last time before marching towards their bedroom and slamming the door behind her.

Santana should be offended. She should be jealous. But she had been dealing with this for 10 years so she's gotten used to the fact that at some instances, she just wouldn't be enough for her wife. That was why instead of insisting herself to Rachel, Santana picked up her phone and dialed the number of the only person who could give the comfort her own wife needed at the moment.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

They planned to spend their last night in Vermont with a picnic under the stars. They were excited with the prospect of wrapping themselves with a blanket while cuddling and sharing kisses. They prepared this evening long before starting this weekend respite. But all the preparations, planning and anticipation went in vain.

Tangled limbs, bodies covered with thin layers of sweat, heavy breathing and soft kisses shared were preferred over any plans not only for the evening but for the whole trip. They just could not get enough of each other. They need to be touching in some way. They need to be attached to one another. Both of them never wanted anything more than these moments shared.

"Hmmmm...Can you do something for me?"

"Anything…"

"Stop the time from ticking so we can stay like this forever," the brunette cooed. She loved the way Quinn wrapped her arms around her waist. The blonde used the same arms to press her backside against her body, never seemed content on having the other girl closer. Amanda could feel Quinn's breath caressing the back of her neck and a new wave of arousal hit her.

"I feel the same way. There's no place else I want to be," Quinn, even with eyes closed, could picture the smile on her lover's face. They remained like that for some time, both lost in contentment. Although exhausted from their intimate activities, sleep avoided them. Unconsciously, they refused to miss a single moment; both of them trying to absorb everything to their minds.

At first, Amanda had some qualms when it came to Quinn. Something inside her told her to be cautious as it was apparent that there was something more going on between the blonde and the diva even if they were both unaware of it. But Quinn was a charming force, so hard to resist. She was attentive and sweet. She was smart and passionate. Amanda knew from the second Quinn's lips pressed on hers, she was in a lot of trouble. She tried to remind herself not to expect anything relevant to result from this thing going on between them. But Quinn was just a charming force who crushed her walls down until she found herself hopeful that this can indeed be something more. Suffice to state, all her inhibitions were soon replaced with stronger feelings towards the blonde. Taking a deep breath before closing her eyes, Amanda whispered, "I love you, Quinn."

It was softly uttered but the blonde heard it clearly. Willing herself not to panic because of the confession, Quinn pulled the other girl closer to her, words escaping her.

She was satisfied, even content but she still could not say that Amanda solely held her heart. Quinn may have been distracted from her usual longing for a certain diva but she was far from being over her. If she was being honest, she still considered it an impossibility. But Amanda had been amazing to her. She was different from the other girls she had dated in the past. Amanda may had reminded Quinn of Rachel the day they first met but as the blonde got to know the assistant better the more she saw her for what she was. She was shy but could be aggressive and confident if the need arises. Conversations between them were comfortable and interesting. Unlike other girls, Amanda could hold her own against Quinn intellectually. It also didn't hurt that they shared a lot of things in common. Rachel was a great listener that was why the blonde was easily able to open up to her but Amanda was a safe haven for Quinn because she knows that assistant would not be judgmental and could also relate to her. It would seem Amanda was simply perfect for Quinn. But nothing in her life was ever simple, the blonde was well aware of that by now.

Quinn wanted to say it back. She wanted to move on. She wanted to start anew without any trace of the pain and frustrations she felt for 10 years. She wanted to finally free herself of the love that had gone unreturned. She felt she deserved all these. She felt she had done enough penance for all the mistakes she did in the past. The problem was she was unsure if she wants to grab what she deserved or hold on to something which had made her feel unworthy.

Feeling her lover's discomfort for what she had just laid down, Amanda shifted from the embrace to sit up on the bed. "I'm hungry. I'll go take a shower then order from room service for us," she finally looked at the blonde, "Join me?" Without waiting for a reply, she moved to quickly get off the bed to avoid further humiliation.

Quinn knew what she had done to the other girl. Before the brunette could leave the bed, the blonde grabbed Amanda's wrist and pulled her down to her. Quinn cupped the girl's cheek with her free hand and kissed her deeply and thoroughly. "You bet."

Amanda wrapped her naked self with the sheets and moved towards the bathroom. One of the things Quinn loved about the girl was her modesty. No matter how many times they have seen each other naked and bare, the brunette still felt the need to cover herself when they were not having sex. Quinn followed her with her eyes, slowly feeling her heart change and turn into something new.

She was about to rush to the bathroom when her phone rang. Grabbing her phone from the nightstand, Quinn peeked and saw the caller i.d. "Urgh! Cockblock!" she mumbled before walking through the bathroom door. "I'll join you in a sec, hon."

"Okay,"

Quinn grudgingly hit the accept button. "What do you want, San?"

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Something inside was screaming at her for what she was about to do. It was yelling and cursing and calling her stupid. Stupid for letting herself accept the fact that there was a part of her wife she shared with somebody else. Stupid for not having the courage to insist being there for wife no matter what the problem was. Stupid for feeling once again that she was giving more than she was receiving.

Ever since Rachel had kissed her the first time when they were on their senior year, Santana's life had changed. It was not abrupt but gradual yet still overwhelming in its intensity. The kiss did not change the way she demeaned the girl. However, it affected the reason behind the insults. She was scared that somebody would find out what happened to them so she masked the shivers caused by the kiss with disparaging words for the girl. Besides the shivers, there was this compulsion burning up inside her to get some more of those kisses…just the physical intimacy. She refused to admit to herself that it was more of the comfort brought by the diva that kept her coming back. She was troubled enough on her Brittany-problem, she couldn't afford another unnecessary issues clouding her mind. That was until Rachel decided she had had enough of the Latina's bullshit.

Santana was surprised of the effects of Rachel pulling away from her. She thought she would not feel a thing as it was just a fling and nothing more. It was not like when Brittany decided to jump into a relationship with Wheels. But she was wrong. It was a lot more. She would often catch herself staring at the diva who was adamant in ignoring her. Try as she might, she could not bring herself from hurling insults towards the brunette like before as Rachel's mere presence brought aches to her chest that she couldn't comprehend where they were coming from. She felt empty and cold. As she watched Quinn whisper something to Rachel which made the latter giggle, she would be baffled to find out that she was gripping onto something so hard that her knuckles turned to white. Whenever any of her fellow glee clubbers was able to just come near the girl and interact with her, envy and jealousy would envelope her. Still she was resolute in denying that she was in any way affected by one Rachel Berry. That was until Brittany pulled her into an empty classroom.

"Give it up, San or else you're gonna lose yourself,"

"What are you talking about, B?"

"It's time for you to stop being a coward if you want to get her back,"

"B, I don't really know what you are talking about here. You need to tell it to me straight,"

"You love her. Rachel. If you don't get your head out of your ass in time, you are going to lose her,"

Shocked at what her friend just said, Santana was opening and closing her mouth without words coming out of it.

"I've known you since we were kids, San. I know how you feel even when you don't tell me. I've been watching you for weeks now and not one day has passed that I don't catch you staring at her. That stare that you didn't even give me," Santana was about to protest but the blonde held up one hand to signal that she was not done talking sense out of the Latina. "I know you love me. You're just scared. I got sad of waiting for you to finally admit how you feel about me so I decided to hook up with Artie to make you jealous but it was not enough as you never did anything to win me back. I'll admit, though. I am still waiting for you. But after seeing you these past couple of weeks, I won't take you back even if you want to. You love her, San. I didn't see you this affected when I hooked up with Artie. You're sad and you're good at keeping up fronts. But you can't even hide it now. That's how I know that you love her more than me." Brittany paused for a while, letting tears flow down on her face freely. Santana was quick to them away but the blonde turned her head away. "Don't, San. I will be okay. As much as I love you, I won't settle for being second best because I know you love her more…you want her more. I love you so much and I want to see you happy. I love you so much that I don't want you to regret not being brave enough to get the girl you want." With that, Brittany placed a soft kiss on Santana's cheek and exited the room without waiting for any reaction from the Latina.

Up to this very minute, Santana was grateful that Brittany did what she did. It hurt the Latina to see her best friend defeated but she also realized between the two of them the blonde was the stronger one. She knew that if she let Rachel go she would definitely regret it in the end. So she did what Brittany told her to do. She serenaded the diva in front of the whole school and laid all her cards. When Rachel took her back, Santana promised herself that she would give anything just to make things work between them. She would do anything to keep Rachel happy.

She loves Rachel. She never loved somebody as much as she loves her wife. Even if loving her meant that she had to share some parts of her to Quinn, if that would make her happy, Santana would stupidly take it.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**A/N: There's a part 2 for this chapter. It's almost done. I just want to post an update for this fic. The next part would be up hopefully by tomorrow. **

**Thanks for all the great reviews. Reviews are still very much appreciated. **


	8. Chapter 8

"What do you want, San?"

"Rachel needs you," the words left bitter taste in Santana's mouth.

Quinn was suddenly alarmed. "What? What happened?"

"You forgot what date it is today, huh?"

"Just spill it out, S!" Quinn was growing impatient.

"Impatient are you?" Santana chuckled. "Did I interrupt something, Q?" She heard the blonde released a sharp breath and she knew that the other girl was seconds away from exploding. "It's the day of the Emmy's and Fanning won. Get it now?"

"Oh shit…" Quinn muttered under her breath. She sure got it now. She couldn't help feeling guilty. She was always there for Rachel, even before the diva asked her to. She pride herself of knowing what Rachel needed without the latter telling her. There was a small part of her that regretted having gone to this trip with her girlfriend. She knew it was wrong to feel that way but Rachel had been her first priority for years now and she didn't want to be that kind of person who leaves her friend for her lover. "How did she take it? Where's she now?"

"How do you think she took it? Some best friend you are if you don't know the answer to that," Santana did not want to sound bitter but was pissed with the whole situation. "She was near hyperventilating before she stormed off and slammed our bedroom door."

Quinn ignored Santana's snide remark. She'll deal with that later. Her priority now was Rachel. "Put her on the phone."

Something in the way Quinn ordered her made the Latina want to tell her to "fuck off" but she had to admit the blonde was her only choice at the moment. So she reluctantly but brusquely said, "Wait a sec."

Quinn waited for Santana to get Rachel on the phone. She was so worried and guilty and caught up in the moment she did not notice her lover standing by her side until she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Should I wait for you in the shower?" Amanda asked gently. She heard Quinn's alarmed voice and immediately went out of the shower.

"Uhmm…I think Rachel needs me. Would you mind if I talk to her first?"

By the look on her girlfriend's face, Amanda knew she would be taking the backseat once again. It was like she was bitch slapped. Being humiliated earlier and shoved now, Amanda was starting to lose any hope that this thing between them was something more than another fling for the blonde. Dejected, she forced a smile and said, "Okay."

Quinn wanted to run after the girl but her feet would not move. On the other line, she heard Santana knocked and Rachel yelled '_What?_'. Santana then informed the diva that Quinn was on the phone and wanted to talk to Rachel. Rachel's voice went higher as she shouted '_Tell her to fuck off!_'. But seconds later, Quinn heard a door slammed.

"What do you want?" Rachel shouted on the other line.

"Hey sweetie," Quinn attempted to ease the tension that was building up quickly. "Santana told me about the Emmy's…"

"Oh yeah? You heard it from Santana? If she didn't tell you, you wouldn't know, would you? You wouldn't know that I could have won an Emmy and be a step nearer to achieving my dream! You wouldn't know that at this moment my heart is breaking! You wouldn't know because you're not here! You're not here!" Rachel was beyond furious. She was used to having Quinn whenever she needed her. The blonde had always known what the diva needed.

"Rach, I'm sorry. I am so sorry. Amanda was the one who booked this trip. These past few weeks had been grueling at the office. I forgot about the Emmy's, I admit. And for that, I am very truly sorry, Rachel," as minutes passed and the more the blonde realized how affected the diva was about the whole thing the more she felt guilty for not being there for _her_ Rachel. "Had I known this coincided with the Emmy's, I would have rescheduled," Quinn somberly assured the still hysterical brunette.

Unbeknownst to the blonde, another soul's heart was breaking from her confession and regret. Although hurting from being brushed off so easily by Quinn, Amanda couldn't help but be worried of the blonde. She decided to stay a bit more and forego the shower for now. Leaning in the bathroom doorframe, she observed how her lover's shoulders sagged with every assurances she gave to the girl on the other line. _Had I known this coincided with the Emmy's, I would have rescheduled_, a statement meant to appease Rachel was like a knife cutting deep into Amanda's heart. How easily disposable she was to Quinn just when Amanda thought they were making progress. At the moment, Amanda knew she could never have the blonde completely. Whatever she and Quinn shared was nothing compared to what the blonde and Rachel had. Amanda knew it was her call. Stay or get hurt further. Give up or hope and be devastated in the end. It was her call. For now, she decided, she had enough. She pushed herself off the doorframe and proceeded to take a shower and drown the pain away.

Rachel had no idea how Quinn does it. Seconds only after hearing the blonde's voice, the diva already felt whatever anxiety and bitterness fade slowly. She held the phone tighter, needing to get closer to her best friend…to _her_ Quinn. Listening to the familiar voice, Rachel was almost relieved…almost. Somehow she felt relieved that she had not lost the blonde, that Quinn was still there for her, that she was still _her_ Rachel.

Quinn knew Rachel so well even when the latter did not say a word. The blonde was well aware that the worst of the diva's bouts had passed. To further lift the tension, Quinn tried a different approach, "So… Fanning won, huh? That sucks. Sucks big time."

"I know, right? That should have been me, Quinn!"

"Yeah…and lemme guess, she could have done better with her acceptance speech, right?"

"You bet! It was a total train wreck! If I had been the one – "

"You would have won another award…for best and most thought out speech!"

"I know, right? I don't find anything wrong in expecting that all of your hard work will turn into an award! It's just the best recognition. It is so hypocritical to say that being nominated was enough. And why would you share your award to the other nominees? If they deserve the award, they should have won! Hypocrites! Of course, one should be thoroughly prepared for an acceptance speech instead of coming up with some spontaneous rambling!" Rachel, despite her lashing out, was smiling now.

Beside her, Santana was eyeing her like a hawk. Not five minutes had passed with her talking to Quinn and she was all smiles. The Latina wanted to be happy. She wanted to be grateful to the blonde for making Rachel smile like that. But she wasn't. She wanted to be the one who made her _own_ wife happy. She wanted to be the one making _her_ diva smile like that. Couldn't take the scene anymore, Santana walked towards their bedroom. But not before lightly tapping Rachel's shoulder. "Babe, I'm gonna take a shower, okay?" The diva looked at her and gave her a soft smile before waving her off. Santana couldn't help but roll her eyes to the fact that she can't even hold her wife's attention for a second. Unwillingly, she forced her feet to move away from the living room.

"But hey, Rach? Don't take this the wrong way, okay? But I'm glad you didn't take that guest spot."

"WHAT?" Rachel was again on the verge of hysteria.

"Hey now…let me finish, alright? I'm glad you didn't take the guest spot because you would be a shoo-in for a nomination. You would have been at the Emmy's right this very moment. You would have won. And I hate to think that I couldn't be there with you," Quinn's playful tone rapidly changed into a much gentler one. She attempted to substitute her absence with warmth and her should-have-been-there hugs and usual kisses on the cheeks with assuring and affectionate words.

"But I still wish you're here now," Rachel replied, wiping a lone tear that escaped from her eye. "Bad days seem to become worse when you're not here, you know?"

"I know, Rach. I know. If only I can clearly and completely describe to you how useless I feel right now, I will," upon hearing the brunette's sad tone, Quinn did not even fight her tears.

Even with the sound of the shower, Amanda's senses seemed to be on high alert as she could still hear the words uttered by Quinn. She tried to block them out. She hummed a tune so that her mind would be otherwise occupied. But maybe a little amount of self-preservation refrained her from hearing the truth. The truth that Quinn held Rachel on a pedestal. The truth that no matter what, Quinn would always choose Rachel. The truth that, at this very moment, Quinn wanted to be in New York, at Rachel's house to be exact, and not in this hotel room in Vermont. With that realization, Amanda turned off the shower and grabbed a towel to dry up. Self-preservation dictated her to skip their scheduled last night at the hotel and go back to New York.

"I don't think I've ever thank you enough for loving me like you do these past 10 years. I would forever be grateful for that first day of our senior year when you've decided to finally acknowledge my existence," Rachel smiled at her confession, missing her best friend so much.

"I don't think I've ever thank you enough for giving me a chance to be the person that I am now in your life. I don't think I've done enough penance for all the horrible things I did to you. For those childish mistakes I can never take back, I am truly, truly sorry, Rach. I will forever exert the extra effort to make it up to you," Quinn could feel her heart tug painfully on her chest with all the memories of her past mistakes.

"I have long forgiven you, Quinn. Your presence in my life these past years and everything you've done for me can make up for any mistake you can commit for two lifetimes," the diva's tears had made their appearance once again. Wiping them away, Rachel knew she was feeling better if not great. "Just get back here as soon as you can, okay?"

"My hugs will be there for you as soon as I get back there, I promise,"

"Love you, bitch. Have a safe trip,"

"Love you, geek. Sleep tight,"

"Goodnight,"

"Goodnight, Rach," Quinn heard the diva hung up. The blonde was overwhelmed with all the emotions poured by both her and Rachel throughout the conversation. At times like this, Quinn would question the universe why it did not allow her to be with the brunette. They seemed to perfectly fit in each other's lives. They would have been perfect.

Still gazing at the phone in her hand, Quinn was snapped out of her reverie by a zipping sound. Turning her head around, she saw Amanda packing her suitcase. "Hey, you're packing already? I thought we're going to check out tomorrow, why do you have to pack now?" the blonde asked, confused.

"I didn't mean to listen to your conversation with her. I can sense that she needs you now," Amanda answered without looking up from her luggage. It was not an unconscious effort not to mention the diva's name. She was hurting as it is, she did not need to be reminded of the source of that.

Quinn sensed that something made her lover upset. Her conversation with Rachel, perhaps? The blonde did not think so. Amanda knew the diva's importance in Quinn's life. Amanda understood that Rachel was family for Quinn. It was near impossible, Quinn thought, for Amanda to get upset at her for taking time to console her best friend, her family, right? Quinn lifted herself up from the bed and made her way towards the other girl. She wrapped her arms around Amanda's waist from behind. "Whatever Rachel's going through it can wait until tomorrow," Quinn wanted to placate the brunette's feelings, but her voice sounded like she herself was not convinced by her words. Her words and tone betrayed her. Trying once again to attend to her lover, Quinn added, "And I think she felt better after our talk."

Amanda was smart enough to know that what the blonde was saying were just empty words. Contrary to what Quinn intended, her words were hurting Amanda more. The brunette did not want to look more vulnerable in front of the blonde. She was humiliated enough. "You may say that but I know she would be completely comforted if you're there," Amanda now turned her body to face Quinn and placed her hands on either side of the latter's body, "I am fine with this. Don't worry, okay? I am much aware of how important she is for you. She's you best friend." Amanda added the last part as an after-thought.

Still not convinced but not really wanting to stay, Quinn asked one last time, "Are you sure?"

Amanda could see the truth in the hazel eyes, "I am."

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

After hanging up the phone, the diva was overwhelmed with all the emotions poured by both her and Quinn throughout the conversation. Ever since that fateful dinner with Quinn and Amanda, Rachel had been in and out of analyzing her feelings for the blonde. She knew she loved Quinn, but up to what extent, she was no longer sure. She was not even sure if she wanted to find out. She is a married woman after all. With this thought, she suddenly remembered her wife. Her wife whom she abandoned and ignored while talking to Quinn. Her wife who tried to console her but she was just not having any of it. Her wife who changed for her. Her wife who loved her just as much as Quinn did.

She quickly rose from the couch and hurriedly entered their bedroom only to find the Latina in a peaceful slumber albeit a tiny frown can be hinted in her lips. Guilt overriding her emotions, the smaller brunette slipped under the sheets to hug her wife tightly from behind. Despite knowing Santana could not hear her, she whispered near her ear before placing a kiss under it, "I love you more than words can say. Everyday you make me feel so loved. Everyday I thank the Lord for bringing you into my life. I love you and I cherish you so much, Santana Lopez." She then proceeded to be the bigger spoon and let sleep envelope her.

Unknown to the diva, Santana heard every word she uttered. Santana felt the sincerity in her wife's voice and the love in her embrace. Whatever insecurity and jealousy she had earlier, vanished and her world settled the way it supposed to be.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

She should be ashamed of herself. She should not even be continuing with this. She should run back to her lover's place and apologize profusely on how she ended their trip. But she didn't.

Instead, she drove faster towards the path she knew so well. She could not take another second away from the girl who always had her heart. She wanted to see her face, hear her voice and wrap her arms around her tiny frame. Adrenaline was pumping through her system as she got nearer to her destination.

But just as she was about to ring the bell of the Lopez's residence, she peeked inside through the window. What she saw was plain karma slapping her in the face. Quinn finally realized how Amanda felt earlier…used, devastated and been completely made a fool of.

The spouses were in their bathrobes, obviously fresh from a shower. Santana was sitting in their loveseat recliner while Rachel was comfortably placed on her lap. They were not talking. They were just cuddling with the Latina's arms wrapped around the smaller girl's waist. Rachel's head was leaned back so that they were cheek to cheek. Both of their eyes were closed. Both seemed to be content and happy…and in love.

Quinn realized at that moment her exact place on Rachel's life. Quinn realized that no matter what she do and say and how she seemed to make Rachel happy, at the end of the day, Rachel belonged to Santana. Quinn realized how she was letting her chance for her own happiness slip away by holding on to something that was not hers from the start. Quinn finally realized…it was time to move on.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**A/N: I know I promised to post this part last Saturday. Sorry it took a few more days to complete. But anyway here it is. I hope you enjoyed it.**

**Thank you very much for the reviews! I do hope I am still keeping you interested with the story. Reviews are very much appreciated!**

**Regarding the other fic (Seconds and Minutes of Time), I've decided not to add another chapter. But I am planning to post a prequel. You know, the story on how they got to that point. I am also thinking of doing a sequel but am really not sure about it.**

**Sneakygay, I hope the length of this chapter is good enough for you. Lol. And I don't mind your longish reviews. I love them, actually. **

**Thanks again!**


	9. Chapter 9

Running away from the Lopez's residence, Quinn drove for hours and hours without any destination until she found herself at a beach in New Jersey. Turning off the ignition, she stepped out of the car and blindly walked forward the shore. Although it was a Monday mid-afternoon, except for a few people, the beach was unusually deserted and Quinn was grateful for it as it allowed her to absorb the serenity and calmness exuded by the sea. She took a dozen of deep breaths before she sat on the sand, carefully removing her shoes and placing them by her side. She bent her knees and wrapped her arms around them, pulling them closer to her chest. At first, she let herself sob softly; however, when it started, she couldn't make the tears stop. Ten years of frustration and heartaches were poured in uncontrollable weeping.

When the sobs subsided, Quinn immersed herself into the tangled thoughts assaulting her mind. As if sensing Quinn's pain, the blonde's phone lit up indicating a call from the diva. The devastated girl picked up her phone but just stared at the screen, ignoring the call. _Rachel_, she had always loved the way the diva's name rolled in her tongue whenever she utters it. _If there's one thing I truly regret is that I think I didn't love you enough for you to actually feel how much you mean to me_, Quinn thought aloud and continued to just stare at her phone. _Have I not shown you my heart, Rachel? For ten years, have you not felt it? How can you have not felt it when all my thoughts are of you? For ten years, Rach, I built my world around you. How can you have not felt it?_

She wanted to get angry. She wanted to put the blame on the object of her undying love and devotion. She wanted to regret ever having these strong feelings towards the brunette. _You don't know of the many sleepless nights I spent thinking of ways to make myself worthy of you because I thought the reason you haven't felt the same way is that in your eyes I am still the bitch who made your life miserable for years. Do you remember that time during our senior year? Santana called you "Man-hands". I can't remember now why I didn't do anything to defend you but I do remember staying up all night planning how I can make it up to you. The next day after the morning cheerios practice, I drove to Starbucks and just made it in the nick of time before the first period started to bring to you your favorite soy milk latte. Then, I made sure that I was there waiting for you at the end of every period just so I can walk you to your next class. Come lunch time, I surprised you by bringing you a salad lucoise I prepared earlier that morning before going to practice. I admit I was so tired by the end of the day but when you gave me that simple peck on the cheek when I dropped you off in your house, I realized you are worth all the hassles I went through and decided to go through it everyday for the rest of the year. How can you not have felt it? How can you not have noticed that you are the center of my every day?_ Quinn wiped the fresh tears flowing from her eyes.

Clutching her phone, she was informed by the screen that Rachel was calling her for the fifth time. She continued to ignore the love of her life and contented herself in having her one-sided conversation. _The thing is, Rach, you also made me feel that I am important to you. For ten years, I know how I hold that significant part in your life. Everytime you are troubled, everytime you are in pain, everytime you felt the world is against you, you ask for me. Not Santana. Me, Rachel, me. Remember that first time you didn't receive a call back for a role you really, really want? You were in a date with Santana but you cut it short just so you can go to my dorm room. You spent the night. We spent it cuddled in my bed. I knew you were feeling better only a few minutes after you arrived but I never got the impression that you wanted to go so I didn't say anything. I suffered a few days of Santana giving me the evil eye after that night but I couldn't care any less. The fact remains that you wanted to be with me instead of her. How can you be so blind of your own feelings, Rach? How can you not have realized how much you needed me too? How important I am in your life, how can you have not known that?_

Taking a glance at her phone, she noticed she had 6 missed calls and 3 voicemails and 10 messages. _Are you worried now, Rach? Don't you know that with every act of yours that made me feel how important I am to you, I hold tighter to the hope that someday you will come to your senses and admit to yourself that we are meant to be? When Santana proposed to you after your Broadway debut and you ecstatically accepted it, you instantly knew I was uncomfortable eventhough you didn't know why. I left hastily. I wasn't able to hide my heartbreak. But soon after I got home, you came knocking at my door. I told you I was just scared that I will lose my bestfriend. Instead of spending the night celebrating with your fiancé, you spent the night assuring me that nothing's gonna change between us. You seem to be unaware of my feelings for you for these past ten years, or weren't you? Do you actually know how I feel but just decided to ignore it? I hope not, Rach. I wish if you are indeed aware, you could have said something. I don't want to think that you just ignored it because this, my love for you, is the one thing that's keeping me sane and hopeful that this life is not going to waste. My heart has been broken so many times even before you came into my life, you know that Rachel. But my love for you kept me expectant that one day all the wounds of the past will heal and it will feel whole again. You simply ignoring it will not cause additional wounds but will shred my poor little heart into pieces. _

She was openly wailing now. Fisting her shirt above her chest, Quinn could feel her heart slowly shattering. Instead of running away from this, she stayed and let herself absorb every assault in her heart. She allowed herself to experience this. _You are so happy and in love with her_, Quinn remembering the scene that greeted her earlier._ For ten years, I tried to convince myself that what you feel for her would be fleeting and would lose its charm after a few years. I know you too well. I know how you easily get attached. But it has been ten years now, Rach. Am I expected to wait for you until you realize that I am the one for you? If I move on, will my love be deemed less? You don't know how many times I've tried to move on. I don't want to dwell on this love which has brought nothing but pain and despair. But I just can't seem to let you go. As if I have something to hold onto, right? How silly of me…_

Another buzz from her phone caused Quinn to look at her phone. Her bestfriend had been calling non-stop. A big part of her was telling her to pick up the phone and talk to the diva. But the part of her that's breaking pushed her to be alone for a while. _Amanda…_, she was suddenly reminded of the unintentional casualty of her obsession with the diva. _At first, she reminded me of you, you know? The height, the soft-looking, wavy, brown hair and especially, the dark chocolate eyes. I found myself lost in those familiar orbs that day she poured the contents of her coffee cup in my shirt. But I told myself, I can't focus on that. You're more than enough to obsess about. You frequently teased me about being so shallow because of my incessant liking for one-night stands. If you only know that I just engaged in those because I only need the physical intimacy they bring. I was reserving the emotional intimacy for you. But Amanda proved to be a reckoning force. She was different from all the other girls I've been with. She kept me interested and not just because she reminded me of you. On the contrary, the more I got to know her, I discovered that she was more like me. Besides our LOVE for bacon, she just got me, you know. She kept me interested. She's smart unlike those girls I brought to dinner with you guys. By the way, those meetings were made for the sole purpose of irritating you and your wife. I love the way you squirmed each time one of my so-called harlots said something so stupid. But Amanda? She's different. She can keep up with me, conversation-wise. I don't have to explain things for the second time whenever I am around her. She understands me but will not hesitate to put up an argument whenever such was called for. With Amanda, it was not all about sex. We enjoy talking over coffee. A walk in Central Park every Saturday morning had been a part of our ritual. Even without words exchanged, she seemed to manage to make me feel that I am no longer alone. Rachel, there even came a point that I felt content, you know. I felt that finally that part of me which I made myself believed was filled by you was in fact filled up by her. She said she loves me last night. I really want to say it back. But, as usual, my hope that someday you'll see me and return my love for you held me back from saying it and moving on with my life. And then we talked and you once again made me feel how important I am to you. And then nothing else mattered. Nobody else mattered. I've hurt her. I know. But I didn't do anything. I didn't even attempt to assuage her pain. I was focused on coming back to you as fast as I can. Only to see you with her…with the one to whom you belonged to…your wife. _

Reminded of her realization, Quinn harshly wiped her face of any trace of the tears she shed. She stood up and tucked her phone inside her jeans pocket. Taking one last deep breath, she straightened her posture and confidently stated, _It's time to move on. I will forever love you, Rachel, but I believe I have suffered enough and now it's time to prioritize my own happiness. I may not be as happy as I would have been if I was given the chance to be with you, but I will try to be content…even without you. I must do this to save myself…to retain my sanity. I will forever love you, Rachel Barbra Berry. You will always be that girl for me. But you have to let me go now._

With that, Quinn turned her back and moved forward to her car with the full intention of not looking back.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

"WHERE THE HELL IS SHE?" Rachel growled and acted as if she would slam her phone on the nearest wall but thought better of it. She was trying to contact Quinn for the last two hours but to no avail. The blonde failed to answer any of her calls and reply to any of her messages. The diva was getting more frustrated by the minute. She was not used to being ignored by her bestfriend. This was the first time Quinn made herself unavailable and it caused so much discomfort to the brunette. "SHE BETTER NOT BE DOING THE NASTY WITH THAT GIRL AND CONSCIOUSLY IGNORING ME! OOOHHH YOU BETTER BE WISER THAN THAT QUINN FABRAY!" Rachel continued her rant in her empty apartment.

For the umpteenth time but with much more force, she dialed the blonde's number only for her call to be taken straight to voicemail. "URGH!" Rachel now threw her phone on the couch before kicking the chair in front of her. She slumped herself on the couch and crossed her arms, pouting. "You better have a very valid reason for this, woman!" she muttered. Frustration overwhelming her, Rachel cradled her head in her hands. Quinn told her that she would try to come home as soon as she can. However, after their talk last night, the blonde did not contact her. It was so unusual for Quinn not to make good of her promise, especially one given to Rachel. The brunette was torn between feeling worried and controlling her fast approaching temper. She had already thought of calling Amanda but something inside her stopped her from doing so.

_Amanda. _Why was she so bothered by the girl her bestfriend is currently dating? The first reason that came into her mind was that this was the first time Quinn had a semblance of a romantic relationship. It even seemed to be a full blown relationship, if Rachel was being honest. _And so?_ Well, the diva was never good at sharing. She was raised as only child. She was used to being the center of attention and, for the past ten years, her bestfriend had been so amiable with that as the blonde willingly showered her with her much needed attention and devotion. And now, even after several months had passed, she was still uncomfortable with the fact that she had to share some of Quinn's time with another person.

_Amanda_. Ever since the special dinner, everything the girl told her was instilled in the diva's mind. _How come you didn't end up with Quinn?_ This question had been on the back of the diva's mind for months now but was merely there, avoided and unanswered. Avoided because, well, she was in fact a married woman and decency dictates her not to even entertain such idea. No matter what, she married Santana and to find the answer to said question would just unnecessarily complicate things not only for her but to everyone involved.

But still she couldn't stop it from entering her mind ever since Amanda brought it out of her consciousness. _Why did she not tap that?_ She told herself that she was just grateful that Quinn accepted the friendship she was so adamant on getting from the blonde since their sophomore year. So when the blonde took her offer, the brunette had focused on cultivating that and hadn't thought of anything beyond platonic liaison with the other girl. For over ten years, Rachel cherished her friendship with Quinn more than anything else.

_Quinn Fabray_. The mere mention of the name immediately sent a smile across the diva's face. By instinct, Rachel glanced on the picture displayed in one of the corners of her home. She stood up and moved closer to the picture. It was taken during her graduation day at Julliard. She was flanked by Santana on her right and Quinn on her left. She couldn't help but take notice of how she was leaning more on Quinn than on her own girlfriend then. The blonde had her one arm around her waist just like how the diva's was around the girl's. Quinn was beaming, obviously elated by Rachel's achievement. Her bestfriend had always been there with her, through good times and the bad.

Memories of the last ten years flowed so easily. The first day of classes of their last year in McKinley had been the starting point of all these. Up to now, Rachel had no idea why Quinn decided to acknowledge her existence that day. The brunette had offered her friendship to the blonde time and again and had been rejected by the latter in all of those times. But, as if hell had frozen over, that day marked the reckoning point of a relationship she would forever treasure. With a simple "_You too, Berry_" statement from the head cheerleader, the rest of the school year could not have been any better for the school resident diva. Their friendship had progressed gradually and, looking back, Rachel would not have it any other way. It was like they took their own sweet time getting to know each other, thoroughly and without pretentions. That was what Rachel was most proud of in her and Quinn. Once their respective walls of defenses were broken down, they had both opened up to each other without any hesitation.

Being the one to unravel the enigma which is Quinn Fabray was exhilarating for Rachel. The head cheerio was known for having multiple layers of walls built to protect her from any intruder who might want to harm her. She was the Ice Queen. No emotions were to be expected from her. Even when she was at her lowest, the pregnant teenager maintained her cold demeanor which still sent shivers of terror to everyone. But Quinn chose to shred the layers for Rachel without faltering. It had always been like that from then on. Quinn, without any hint of uncertainty and regret, always chose Rachel whatever consequences it may entail.

"Where are you?" Rachel asked the image of Quinn, gingerly tracing the outline of the face beaming in front of her. "Were you not listening to me last night when I conveyed how much I need you now? Where are you? Why can't you even answer my calls?" Rachel wasn't really keen on the idea of what she was about to ask but she did anyway. "Is it because of Amanda? Is she good to you? Is she…is she better… company than me?"

Rachel knew that she was being ridiculous to be competing with Amanda. She was just a friend while Amanda was the one dating Quinn. "That girl of yours messed up my head, you know. She had some interesting questions when I first met her before you ran away with her that night," the diva chuckled, trying to lighten the mood she herself created. "She asked me why we never hooked up. I was completely and utterly flabbergasted. It was the first time somebody asked me that so naturally I was dumbfounded. Until that moment, I admit, I only saw you as my bestfriend. But after…Where are you, Quinn?"

Rachel wiped the tears she hadn't noticed were freely flowing from her eyes. She tilted her head, seemingly asking help from whosoever was listening up above. "Now, I'm confused. I am so confused, Quinn. Where are you?"

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**A/N: I wanted to write a longer chapter but work is keeping me from doing so. Sorry.**

**You guys are so awesome and generous with your reviews. I am truly, truly touched. **

**Suggestions are very much welcomed. I want to know your views so that I can keep your interest. With that being said, as I have gathered, most of you are apprehensive with the warning of character death. Honestly, I am having second thoughts about it. So, what do you think?**

**Thank you again for your kind reviews. You guys are awesome!**


	10. Chapter 10

It had been a month now. A month after finally putting her foot down, Quinn's life was still nothing but darkness. She willed herself to ignore the pain and encourage numbness for it was far better than the constant feeling of emptiness.

It had been a month now. A month after she was blindsided the way her world abruptly turning upside down, Rachel felt like a lost creature in her own world. It was like she was groping for something familiar in a dark place. She was lost.

Although the change of scenery had not brought the reprieve she was hoping for when she escaped New York, Quinn could not make herself regret her decision. An offer for the handling of a big merger in Los Angeles had been on the table for months but was left without any answer until then. After leaving the beach, without any hesitation, she called up her boss and informed him that she was willing to take up the case and fly to LA as soon as possible.

Finally tired of waiting for the blonde to call her, Rachel was about to leave the house to camp out at Quinn's apartment when Santana arrived at their doorstep. Not wanting to explain what she had been through the whole day, Rachel decided to forego her plan and just continue waiting for her best friend to return her calls. The diva, while not really comfortable lying to her wife, had no plans on cluing the latter of how she was hurting at the moment. She tried so very hard to act like her life was not practically in shambles just because a certain blonde lawyer had still yet to show up. However, when she and Santana were cuddled in their bed ready to call it a day and still no call nor text from Quinn, Rachel finally succumbed to her curiosity and trepidation and asked her wife if Amanda was able to go to work that day. When the diminutive brunette received an answer in the affirmative, the hole in her chest increased in size as the possibility that Quinn had purposely ignored her became evident. Rachel was racking her brains out for the reason behind her bestfriend's action. In the end, being Rachel Freaking Berry-Lopez, she resolved to herself to find out the truth.

The way she left things was like she had it all planned out for months instead of being a spur of the moment decision. By nighttime, everything was settled. The cases she was handling in New York were surprisingly smoothly and without hitch endorsed to the other partners. Quinn could not even recall vividly how she packed so quickly that by noontime the next day she was in front of the gate in JFK airport, waiting for boarding…waiting for the redemption she badly needed.

Rachel had always been a law-abiding citizen…that is, until now. She could not remember a time when she violated as many traffic laws as she drove like a mad woman to the airport. "WHAT THE HELL IS UP WITH YOU, QUINN FABRAY?" she yelled in the confines of her car. "YOU CANNOT FUCKIN' DO THIS TO ME! NOT TODAY, NOT EVER!" her sobs were mixed with her growl of frustration and anger. She had read the text message for nearly a hundred times just so she can fully grasp the reality of what the blonde was implying.

_Rach and S, I'm so sorry for the short notice. I accepted the offer to handle the merger in LA. I thought about it carefully and I've decided that it would really help me achieve my desire to be a Senior Partner. My plane leaves at 5 this afternoon. I'll call you as soon as I land at LAX. Take care, guys._

Upon settling of the words in her mind, the diva could literally feel her whole being shaking and seemingly the world was constricting causing her to have difficulty in breathing. "Something's happening but I have no idea what it is. She's slipping away and I don't know why and how to stop all of these from happening. What have I done, Quinn? Why are you doing this? Why are you hurting me this way? Why?"

Her phone was buzzing with calls and texts from her diva since yesterday. All sorts of communication were ignored. It took all of Quinn's strength to do so. She had never refused or shunned any of Rachel's needs and wants. It was like a compulsion for her to cater to all of her best friend's requests. But she had to restrain herself now. She took a deep breath, turned off her phone and gathered her things to make her way to her gate and, with fingers crossed, start anew.

It had been a month now. But the emptiness she felt when she realized that Quinn really left was seemingly growing in depth. A big part of Rachel was furious at the blonde for leaving the way she did. Quinn didn't even give her the chance to say goodbye in person. Quinn cut all ties with no warning. But a bigger part of the diva was just plain miserable. She tried to act as if she was unaffected, for Santana's sake, but all her acting skills can only go far enough. Rachel needed Quinn. She needed her more than anything.

xoxoxoxo

"Hey, babe," Santana softly greeted her wife as soon as she stepped into their living room. Rachel was curled up on their couch. The Latina lifted the bent legs of the diva, so that she can sit at the end of the couch, and placed them on her lap.

"Hey," Rachel spoke as softly. Her eyes were closed but she wasn't sleeping. It had been a newly acquired habit of hers. She preferred to close her eyes, desperate to shut the world off and escape reality. She felt gentle fingers playing with her hair. It used to bring her comfort but she had long given up on convincing herself that the pain she was feeling would ever subside. She hated this. She hated the fact that she's hurting her wife because of Santana's inability to ease the ache in her chest. She knew that she wasn't fooling the Latina. She knew that her wife can see through all the acts she was putting up. She knew that Quinn leaving did not only break their friendship but was also causing the slow destruction of her marriage. She just can't seem to function. It was like the blonde brought with her the diva's spirit. But Rachel was sure of one thing. Whether or not it was intentional, Quinn brought with her a big chunk of the diva's heart.

Santana could see the struggle Rachel was fighting with. It had been a month now since Quinn left. The Latina was torn. She badly wanted to empathize with what her wife was currently going through. She wanted to assure Rachel that everything between her and Quinn would be alright. She wanted to mediate between the two. But the other part of her was pissed off. She's furious...because try as she might, she couldn't just accept that her marriage was starting to crumble just because Quinn left. She understood that the blonde played a big part in her wife's life but for her marriage to be dependent on the presence of a third person? That was just wrong. But as much as she wanted to confront Rachel about it, Santana feared the consequences. She knew that Rachel loves her. But the Latina was terrified of the answers to the questions bugging her mind since the day the blonde walked away from their life.

Looking at Rachel now, the diva seemed so defeated. It was breaking Santana's heart to see her wife this way. She loves Rachel. She never loved somebody as much as she loved the diva. For Santana, her wife was the reason for everything good in her life. She would give anything just to make Rachel feel how much she had made the Latina happy, content and in love. Continuing her caresses of the diva's hair, Santana tried her best for her voice not to show any hint of the bitterness and jealousy she was feeling, "Rachel? Babe? You wanna talk about it?"

Rachel didn't even have the strength to summon her voice. She feared that as soon as she opens her mouth, the sobs she had been keeping at bay would just escape and she wouldn't know how to stop. She had hurt her wife enough. She didn't have to rub it at Santana's face how terribly broken she was right now. How can you explain to your own wife that she was not enough to keep you happy…satisfied? Where can you possibly begin to make your own wife understand how conflicted you are…how you are suddenly second guessing not only your feelings for your best friend but also the main foundation of your marriage? So, instead of giving Santana answers she totally deserved, Rachel just shook her head while still keeping her eyes closed.

Seeing her wife struggling to keep herself together was pure torture for Santana. She closed her eyes and tilted her head, asking the universe to give her strength enough for the both of them. The past month was pure hell for the Latina as she cannot fully understand why they were going through this whole ordeal. It was like her wife was just there with her physically; emotionally, she was some place else. The Latina knew then it was time to talk. She cannot go through another day walking on egg shells in her own home, in her own marriage. With one final resolve, Santana opened her eyes and set her jaw. "Rachel, this has been going on for a month now. I think I've given you enough leeway to be like this. But…I am half of this marriage, Rachel!" Santana didn't realize the rising of her voice. But after becoming conscious about her fast rising temper, she tried to control herself. Yielding to her temper would not help the situation at hand. She let silence overcome and waited for the other girl to comprehend the Latina's need for answers.

The girl in question recognized the necessity of saying something. Santana was right. Rachel's dilemma was also affecting her. Their relationship had not been the same. She was not the same. Although she never intended to hurt Santana, she knew her wife was the biggest collateral casualty to her confusion about her feelings for Quinn. If only she can stop herself from having these thoughts, these feelings. And because she could not put a stop to this internal turmoil of hers, she must at least try to reach out to her wife, even if it meant lying not to herself but also to Santana. "I don't know what to say, Santana. I don't even know why I am being like this." Rachel then decided to sit up but still failed to look at the other girl. "I am sorry for not being myself for quite some time now. I…I just miss her. She had always been by my side for 10 years, San. I guess I'm just not used to her not being around."

Santana was anything but naïve. She was not a stranger to having conflicting emotions, especially those unwelcomed and had the capacity to turn your world upside down. She had been with the woman for 10 years, she wanted to believe that she knows her well enough to see through the walls she was building up. But the thing was, the Latina was not sure what to do. Was she ready to hear what lies beneath the walls? She stared at her wife for a long moment. The diva had her head bowed and her shoulder hunched. The sight caused so much ache at the Latina's chest. No matter what Rachel was hiding from her, it could not make her feel worse than seeing her wife this disheartened. Taking the hand resting on Rachel's lap on her own, Santana tried once more to soothe the hurt her wife was feeling, "Maybe she just needed time away, Rach. You are important to her. She won't last with this drama she created. She will soon come back to her senses, babe." Santana wrapped an arm to Rachel's shoulders before kissing the top of the smaller girl.

It didn't go unnoticed to Rachel that while they were obviously talking about a certain blonde, her name had yet to be said. For Rachel's part, she missed saying that name to the girl's face. She missed the other nicknames they had for one another. She missed the way they would playfully bicker. She missed being comforted by the blonde. She missed hearing her voice. She missed her face. She missed the scent she would always catch whenever they hugged. She missed the pecks on the cheek they always shared. She missed the way they would say _I love you's_. She missed her…she just missed her. With each of these confessions, the sorrow that had been building up for the past month was quickly surfacing and clogging the diva's chest. Until the diva's poor little heart could no longer contain it, it just spilled over. It started with a choked sob and then grew to a massive crying of pain and frustration.

Santana could not do anything but to hold her wife tighter as the clear grief was tearing Rachel apart. She wanted to absorb even a tiny amount of hurt her wife was feeling. She had never witnessed Rachel this broken, this defeated, this pained. It was like being slapped in the face seeing your wife grieve like this because of another person but Santana loved her so much she still can't help but console her. "Ssshhh…it's gonna be alright, okay? It's gonna be alright."

Instead of being consoled, Santana's words were turning her grief to rage. _How can she say that everything's going to be alright? How can she downplay the pain I am currently experiencing? _ Rachel saw nothing but her hurt and frustration. She pushed away the Latina and roughly stood up, pacing the living room, gruffly rubbing her face, pulling her hair. She was transported to another time, another place where her pain was the only thing that mattered. "It's not going to be alright!" Rachel growled. "Don't you see it? She's gone! She's gone and nobody knows if she'll ever come back! She cut me out, Santana! She cut me out! Everyday…everyfuckingday I call her, I text her…but nothing! Nothing! And I have no fucking idea why she's acting like this! I have no fucking idea what I did! One moment she was telling me that she'll come back to ME as soon as she can then BAM! She's gone! With no fucking explanation…she just left…" Rachel was livid. She was far too gone to care if the whole neighborhood heard her rant.

This was all too new for the Latina. Try as she might to easily understand and shove away her own pain caused by what was spilling out of Rachel's mouth, Santana had to close her eyes, pinch the bridge of her nose and gather all the patience she could summon before standing up and advancing to her wife. She tried to grab the other girl by the shoulders as she spoke, "Calm down, babe. I had no idea that you're hurting this much. For the past month, you shut me out. I am here to listen, Rach…I'm just here," Santana softly assured her wife.

But Rachel was not having any of it. She shrugged off her wife's arms and backed away. "It's not enough," Rachel all but shouted, not really thinking clearly as she added, "You're not enough!"

"Wh-what?" Santana's world just halted right then and there. She can feel her knees buckling, her lips quivering, her chest contracting. Her breath came in staggered puffs. She took a few steps back in order to lean on a wall as she felt her feet failing to hold her weight any longer.

Once the words were out of her lips, Rachel soon realized what she just uttered and immediately regretted them. With wide eyes, she saw the effects of the statement on her wife. "I- I-," the diva was lost for words as she slowly took few steps towards the Latina.

Santana could not still believe what she heard. She shook her head a few times, attempting to understand what was happening, trying to shake off the words from her mind. "I am not enough?" she whispered. She lifted her head and leveled her eyes to her wife's, "I am not enough, Rachel? But…but I am your wife…I am your wife…"

Rachel was now standing so close in front of Santana. The diva never intended to hurt her wife. As she witness the former HBIC completely shocked and terribly hurt, Rachel wanted nothing but to slap herself in the face. How can she hurt somebody who had loved her for 10 years? She cupped her wife's face in order to hold the taller woman's gaze. "I am so sorry, babe. I did not mean it. I really, really didn't mean any of it."

Hearing the apologies being thrown to her by her wife, Santana's shock was broken and replaced by a rising anger. She brusquely grabbed the diva's wrists and pushed her away. "You didn't mean any of it, Rachel? Then why the fuck did you say it!" Quickly gaining back her momentum, Santana pushed herself away from the wall and stepped forward to her wife with a predatory glare. She could see Rachel cowering from her stare and gait. "Let me tell you why. You said it because you meant it. You meant every fucking word," unlike Rachel, Santana was not shouting. She was enunciating every word through clenched teeth. The Latina continued to advance towards the diva until she had her pinned between her and the wall. Even without touching the diva, Santana was radiating a force that could intimidate anyone.  
"So don't even tell me you didn't fucking mean it and that you are sorry for uttering them. I had up to here," she motioned with a palm over her head, "with your denial of what's truly going on between you and her. For ten years, I felt that I was sharing you with her. For ten long years, I kept my mouth shut. You owe it to me to be fucking honest because as I said….. Not her but me. Now, goddammit, tell it to me straight, WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH, RACHEL?"

They had fought before. Many times in the past they had let their temper collide. But she had never seen the Latina this mad. Her wife all of a sudden transformed into the Santana Lopez that Rachel knew in high school. And just like how her younger self reacted to the cheerleader, Rachel shrank and could not even meet the other girl's terrifying gaze. Without being touched, she trembled with the forceful presence of her wife. As much as many thoughts were currently running through her mind, the diva could not seem to form coherent words. She was opening and closing her mouth, words evading her.

"ANSWER ME, RACHEL!" the Latina could not seem to contain her rage as she slammed her palm on the wall near the side of the diva's head. Santana was no longer in control of her anger.

Rachel cringed at the act of Santana. Although she was not hit by her wife, the smaller brunette cried harder. She covered her face with both hands as she slipped on the wall until she was in a crouching position. Her whole body was shaking with every sobs she was letting loose. She willed herself to speak. Santana was right, she owe it to her. "I-I…I really don't know what to say, Santana. I love you. I love you so much. But…but…"

"BUT WHAT?"

"I need her, too. I am so lost right now," Rachel spoke so softly that if Santana was not listening intently she would not have heard it. The diva then lifted her head to make eye contact with the Latina. "But believe me when I say that I don't want to hurt you. I never intended to hurt you. You must believe me when I say that I have loved you these past ten years with all my heart. You must believe me when I say that I have never felt anything more than platonic emotions towards her for the past ten years…"

Santana believed her. But she could see a bigger confession about to be unleashed. "But now?"

Rachel could not maintain eye contact any longer because of what she was about to admit to her wife. "Now…I am confused."

This was one of the answers she feared the most. But Santana needed to confirm something…something that was bugging her for the past month…something that has the potential to break the vows they made. Taking a deep breath and with eyes shut tightly, she finally asked, "Are you in love with her?"

To this, Rachel could only cry harder than she ever did in her entire life.

Although it was still not enough confirmation, the Latina was inclined to believe that her worst fear had happened. She pushed herself not to let the diva know that she was breaking. She straightened her posture and took a step back. Without looking at her wife, Santana sternly said, "I love you, Rachel. I have loved you with all my heart, mind and soul. And I still do love you. But for the sake of our marriage, I think we both need space apart from each other." Wiping any trace of the tears she had shed for the past hour, she turned her back from the diva and headed to the door. She was about to step outside of their home when she said, "I'll be spending the night at the office. Goodnight, Rachel." Then, she too was gone.

xoxoxoxoxoxo

She had not slept at all. She kept rewinding in her mind the events that led to what happened last night. But even after several hours, Santana could not still fully grasp the implications of everything that had been said and done. She could feel her heart breaking into pieces as the memories of the confessions of her wife flooded through her mind. A part of her was telling her to leave before she could get hurt any further. She knew she had reasons to do so. But there was no denying that leaving Rachel would never be an option.

As she entered their house, an unwelcomed feeling of comfort enveloped her. The familiar scent of their home…the memories pasted in each and every corner…the anticipation of the routine that she and Rachel had built for several years. Santana did not expect the diva to be home. Even when the other girl was suffering from flu, she would still not miss a show. So, even after their fight last night, Santana knew Rachel would still force herself to perform on stage.

She refused to linger on the living room. The mere sight of it made what happened the night before real. She went straight to the en suite bathroom to take a shower. She let the water wash away the bitterness she was feeling; but of course, this was to no avail. After her shower, she got dressed. As she was about to pick her brush on their dresser, something caught her eye. A note. From Rachel.

_I'm sorry but I have to do this. Not only for me and her. But especially, for us. _

_I'll text you as soon as I land at LAX._

_I love you so much._

_-Rach-_

**xoxoxoxo**

**A/N: I am so sorry for not being able to post an update the past week. Work's a bitch. lol**

**You guys are very generous and kind with your reviews. I read all your suggestions and majority of you expressed their dislike for any character death. So, as you can see I have already edited the story description.**

**I hope I'm still keeping your interest in this story. **

**Please continue to let me know of your thoughts about this fic.**

**Thanks!**


	11. Chapter 11

It was thirty minutes past eleven o'clock and the work she had to get over with were far from being finished. She had just downed her fourth cup of coffee of the night. Stacks of folders were laid on her desk waiting for her attention and scrutiny. She was tired but her drive to reach her goal of making senior partner by the end of the year was what made mending her broken heart a whole lot easier.

Quinn took off her glasses to rub the tiredness off her eyes. She tilted her head back and twisted her neck a few times, wanting to get rid of the stiffness that had accumulated there since she started working 5 hours ago. With closed eyes, she let herself relax for a bit and drown her senses with the soft music coming from her ipod. A small grin slowly formed in her lips when she recognized the song currently playing. It was her anthem at one point in her life, particularly during her senior year and more specifically at the time when she was gearing up on admitting to the diva her true feelings planned to be on the night of the prom.

_I'd go hungry; I'd go black and blue,__  
__and I'd go crawling down the avenue.__  
__No, there's nothing that I wouldn't do__  
__to make you feel my love._

_Rachel_. The name was still the number one source of happy thoughts for Quinn. But the same name had been adamantly avoided for the past month. It was a difficult decision to make and a resolve so hard to maintain but Quinn had told herself time and again that it was for the best.

But at the moment while the lyrics were engulfing her senses, Quinn decided to give herself a break from all the stress and grabbed her wallet. She then gingerly took out a picture hidden in one of the pockets. It was a photo from one of their travels. It was one of her favorites of her and the diva. Its edges and surface reveal that it had been brought out and viewed one too many times. In the picture, her arms were wrapped around the brunette who was in return clutching the blonde's forearms. The diva's head was tilted back and her eyes were closed as both of them were laughing at something Quinn could not remember now. The lawyer was caught by the camera lovingly staring at the girl in her arms. They were deliriously happy with each other even without being romantically involved. Over the years they had somehow built a world of their own, a world apart from the other persons in their respective lives, even apart from Rachel's own wife. In their world, Quinn would like to believe that they were happy and content.

Even when she smiled through the memories she shared with Rachel, traitor tears soon flowed from her eyes. _Rachel_. The one person who can call upon all the insecurities and frustrations buried deep in Quinn. It had been a month now since they had talked. The brunette never missed a single day to try to contact the blonde whether it be through calls, texts or emails. And everyday, it took all of Quinn's strength to ignore Rachel. She knew it was wrong to just walk away without even making some stupid, lame excuse as to why she cut all ties with the diva but Quinn knew no other way. She knew that with just one word from the diva, her resolve would just come crumbling down. She knew she had to do this in order to gain back her grip on reality. A reality wherein not every dream can be fulfilled, efforts sufficiently compensated and most especially, love reciprocated.

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.__  
__Nothing that I wouldn't do.__  
__Go to the ends of the Earth for you,__  
__to make you feel my love__  
__to make you feel my love_

She had done everything she could to make sure she was there for her. But still in the end, Quinn found herself just behind her for there was somebody else by Rachel's side. Reluctantly, she opened up her eyes. It had been a month now but the pain had not faded. The pain was endured but nothing was really done to make it heal.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a buzzing of the doorbell of the hotel room. She was not sure who would be there on the other side at this hour. She carefully eased herself from the chair she had been sitting on for several hours now. Before taking a step, she stretched her numbing body in order to fully regain the function of her limbs. Then another buzz was heard.

Upon reaching the door, Quinn took a peek at the peephole and she almost had a stroke at what she saw. She was frozen in place with her jaw on the floor. The thumping of her heart seemed enough to make her chest explode. Her head was reeling and the need for air was urgent. She leaned her head on the door while clutching her chest. She didn't need this right now. She was not ready for this. The bell rang again but with much more urgency.

_What do I do? God! Why can't you just leave me be?_ She knew she can just ignore her visitor. But she also could not deny that with just one glimpse she felt alive. _How do you manage to do this to me? You are like my kryptonite and my savior at the same time…_ She knew there was nothing she could do. She knew there was nothing more she wanted to do but to open the door and relive the past ten years.

With that, Quinn took a step back and a deep breath before slowly opening the door to reveal one Rachel Berry.

xxx

Her whole being was shaking with mixed emotions. She was furious. She still could not believe that she had to drag herself across the country just to be able to talk to her bestfriend. This would not be necessary if only Quinn had been mature enough to talk about whatever the hell was going on instead of dropping her like a hot potato. She replayed everything that happened prior to the day the blonde suddenly decided to turn her back on her and the brunette still had no clue on what could have led the other girl to abandon her.

However, Rachel could not deny that she was filled with excitement. She badly missed the blonde. She missed hearing her voice. She missed her face. She missed the scent she would always catch whenever they hugged. She missed the pecks on the cheek they always shared. She missed the way they would say _I love you's_. She was _her_ Quinn. She was the most important person in her life. Rachel didn't even want to convince herself that she could last another day without seeing Quinn.

But was she really ready for the consequences of her being here? That was what made the diva nervous. She knew that by confronting Quinn, she would have to face her own newly-found, deeply buried feelings. How can she discuss these feelings with the blonde when she had not fully resolved what they really are? And most especially, what if these feelings were not reciprocated? She was confident that Quinn loved her but that did not automatically mean that they are romantic in nature, right? What if all the blonde felt for her were purely platonic? How could she be so presumptuous? And to think she might have just put her marriage in jeopardy because of this!

With the sudden realization, Rachel was about to walk away when she sensed the door slowly opening, revealing one Quinn Fabray.

xxx

She was not supposed to feel light. She was not supposed to feel like everything suddenly went right. She was not supposed to feel like she was alive again. But with just one glance at the girl in front of her, everything she went through the past month was forgotten. She wanted nothing more than to gather the other girl in a tight embrace, smell her hair, touch her soft skin, kiss her thoroughly or do whatever just to make sure that what was in front of her was not a mere creation of her imagination. Without even thinking, Quinn did just that.

xxx

Hazel orbs were all she saw. Those eyes which she could not believe at one point in time she feared. Those familiar eyes which conveyed emotions Rachel could identify with just one look at them. Those eyes which before now she never really appreciated much than they deserve. Those eyes that were now telling her that everything was going to be alright just like what was ought to be. But something with those orbs reveal an emotion she had not seen before…

Hunger?

But before she could let any realization settled in her, the diva did not have time to question the other girl as her face were being cupped by soft hands she had missed more than she could admit. She had not looked away from the hazel eyes until warm lips were pressed on hers. Involuntarily, Rachel closed her eyes and let her senses be filled with the most wonderful kiss she ever had.


	12. Chapter 12

She had imagined this scene a million times over the course of 10 years. She imagined fireworks exploding in her head. She imagined being amongst the stars and planets. She imagined floating in the air with pure ecstasy and exaltation. She imagined so many things.

But nothing can compare to this moment when her fantasy had been finally fulfilled.

She was aware of everything happening. The softness of the other girl's lips. The way her mouth seemed to be perfectly fitted with the smaller girl's. The gentle moans being exuded by both of them. Every movement made by her and by the diva in order to get a better angle for the kisses given by them. How their hands were suddenly everywhere, wanting to touch any amount of skin. Bodies apparently always not content on being close enough, pressing against the other.

On the other hand, she was not so sure if every detail was caught in her memory to be forever engraved in her mind. She wanted so much. She wanted to hold the girl and not let go. She wanted to communicate to the girl every emotion accumulated throughout the years she had loved her. She wanted to finally show how much and how good she can be for her. She wanted this to go on and not stop.

But, of course, nothing lasts forever. The need for air was urgent and cannot be ignored. She gently tore her lips away and, with closed eyes, leaned her forehead against the brunette's. She released a long breath and allowed herself to savor the moment. But she still feared to open her eyes and see regret in those dark brown orbs. She lightly squeezed the precious neck her hands were presently cupping, willing herself to believe that the kiss was real…that truly, the love of her life was in front of her. When she heard a soft moan not coming from her, she smiled knowing the diva also enjoyed what happened and slowly opened her eyes.

She had always regarded this girl as the most beautiful, most exquisite and finest creation the world had ever seen and would ever see. But now, with eyes still closed, the tip her jewish nose grazing the blonde's, full lips fuller due to the intensity of the kiss shared and tan cheeks flushed, the former cheerleader had never been more wrong. This version of the girl was.

Quinn Fabray had never been more in love.

xxx

She was drowning. She had no idea how she got there but she knew that she was drowning now. And it was not a bad thing.

One moment she was getting ready to leave and run away. She doubted every reason that brought her to where she was. Realization hit her hard that things may not be how she had seen it for the past month. It was like being bitch slapped by an iceberg called reality. She suddenly remembered why she had always, though unconsciously, pushed away any feelings beyond platonic one towards the blonde. Even prior to being friends with the former head bitch in charge, she had put her in a pedestal. Her perfection shunned any idea that this goddess would even consider her as a friend or even a civil acquaintance. So, it was hard for her now to recall why she even entertained the idea of having romantic feelings towards her own bestfriend in the first place. Not to mention…she was a married woman, for crying out loud!

But she was not also expecting the door in front of her opening and revealing the object of her recent fascination. And said object of unwarranted affection staring at her with an expression she had never seen before. Well, she kinda thought she had seen it thrown at her before but not by this woman. It was like the other girl was undressing her with her eyes. The familiar hazel orbs transformed into much darker ones. There was a hint of something akin to…hunger? She was not able to completely comprehend what those eyes were divulging as she was abruptly overwhelmed by another set of reaction.

At first, she was shocked. With wide eyes threatening to bulge out of their confinements, she remained stuck, unmoving. She just let the other girl move her lips against hers. That was until she felt a tongue gently grazing her lips, pleading for entry.

A surge of excitement unlike any other she had felt before flowed from her toes up to her spine, creating tingles jolting through every vein in her tiny frame. She could not help but to close her eyes and let all sensations rushed through her. She did not even have to push herself to finally respond. Her lips just parted and granted the muted plea of the taller girl. Her hands made use of themselves by enveloping the tiny waist of the blonde. She did not pull the girl towards her. She pushed herself against the girl again and again, not ever content with the closeness. Nothing at that point was ever enough. She was constantly changing the position of her lips to better taste the girl. Her hands could not stay still, wanting to touch every soft, porcelain skin she could. She thanked whatever high power was up there for blessing her with strong lungs as she never thought she could last this long without needing oxygen. But she can't say the same thing for the other girl.

She felt the luscious lips slowly pulling away albeit soft hands were still cupping her neck. She could not open her eyes for fear of realizing that this was all a dream. She shut her eyes tightly, relying solely on her senses. The blonde was now leaning her forehead against hers. Her nose was lightly touching the other girl's. Although the kissing had already stopped, the tingles pinching her skin were as strong just because of the proximity of the other girl. They were sharing the same air but she still wanted to feel something that will make her realize that what happened really did happen. It was then she felt her neck was softly squeezed. She could not help the grin spreading across her face. It really did happen.

She then allowed her eyes to open and look at the woman. Behind her long eyelashes she saw the girl staring at her with so much adoration. That face. She had missed it so badly. The usual raising of the left eyebrow. The kind hazel eyes. The perfect nose. The pink delicious lips. The chin dimple accentuating the angelic face. The girl in front of her can never be describe as less than perfect. This girl was…

A sudden realization hit her…

This was the face of the girl who abandoned her. The same girl who just walked out of her life after promising to be back as soon as she can. The same girl who had always been there for her but was likewise capable of dropping her like a hot potato. The same girl who was the source of her _mild_ depression for the past month. The same girl who had the potential to break her marriage to a wonderful woman.

Rachel Berry had never been so infuriated.

xxx

She can stay like this forever. She had just kissed the love of her life and said person kissed her back with so much fervor. The very same girl was now looking back at her with equal intensity. It was like the brunette was memorizing every detail of her face. If she was self conscious before, Quinn did not seem like it now. She never craved huge amount of interest than at the moment (well, high school days not included). She would willingly let Rachel shower her with heavy attention for an entire day with no complains.

She could not deny now the glaring truth…she would never get over this girl. Rachel Berry was the girl she will always be head over heels in love with. But the difference between this moment and those prior to the most wonderful kiss she had ever experienced was that this time she could sense some hint that her feelings might be reciprocated. And this was worthy of more than just a fist pump in the air…this was so worthy of a victory dance marathon!

But even before making the first move of her supposedly victory dance marathon, she saw the diva's face quickly turn into something similar to murderous and the former ice queen and HBIC could only swallow the lump in her throat…

_Uh-oh…_


	13. Chapter 13

Rachel was seeing red. She was panting not due to arousal but rage. It was the first time she ever felt that kind of emotion towards the blonde. Granting that they had always bickered about petty things, but Rachel had never felt like ripping off the other girl's head…any maybe putting it back together and kissing…no let's not go there yet. There were a lot of things to be settled first. For one, the diva needed to know the reason behind the sudden disappearance of the blonde. And whatever the answer may be, Quinn really deserved some beating!

"YOU!" the diva started, pushing away Quinn and pointing an accusatory finger at her face. "After all the things you had put me through this past month, you think you can just kiss your way out of this whole mess you yourself created? Oh no, missy! You can never be more wrong!" The smaller girl was fuming and was speaking through gritted teeth. "Because I," she pointed to herself, "will never," she made a sweeping gesture with the same hand, "and I mean never. Let. That. Happen!"

Rachel's voice echoed from beginning to end of the hallway. And she could not have given a single fuck.

If the quick shift of the diva's mood could actually give her a whiplash, Quinn was sure she would have passed out because of it. One moment the singer was staring at her with utmost reverence and that was, for further emphasis, after kissing the former cheerleader with so much want. Then the next thing Quinn knew, Rachel was foaming in the mouth and panting like a beast ready to jump in for the kill.

Quinn had her fair share of throwdowns. Some were even directed at and shared with this girl. Being the Head Bitch In Charge during her high school days, she never backed down to anybody. She may not be as vicious and conniving as Santana but the confidence and icy exterior exuding from her was enough to make anybody cower. However, that changed, although unconsciously, when the brunette became a significant part of her life. The diminutive girl thawed the glacial façade and shattered the stone walls the blonde created in order to protect her heart. And so, the way the diva was now eyeing her with much contempt had Quinn trembling.

But the lawyer could not blame Rachel for being mad. Quinn knew she sucked big time when she decided to abruptly cut the brunette off her life. She did not consider how her actions would affect her best friend. No matter how much Rachel hurt her, Quinn recognized the fact that the former did not deserve the treatment the latter had given her. And even without careful scrutiny, the blonde could see the physical evidence of how painful the past month was for the other girl. There were obvious dark circles surrounding her eyes. The weight loss was so apparent. The normally graceful posture was replaced by a slumping of the shoulders. The overall appearance and demeanor of Rachel sent heavy guilt feelings straight to the blonde's chest.

Even when she knew she was the one who had caused Rachel all of these, Quinn could not help but reach out to the girl. She lifted her hand and was about to touch the singer's cheek when the latter dodged it, leaving Quinn's hand hanging in mid-air.

Storming out of the hallway into the open door of Quinn's hotel room, Rachel stomped her foot and could not care any less when she brusquely brushed passed the blonde, hitting the other girl's shoulder with her own. As soon as she was inside, she started pacing around the living room, frequently furiously brushing her hair with her hands. Her anger could not be contained and was being dealt with by the smaller girl through such ridiculous pacing. She was huffing and puffing all her pent-up frustrations towards the blonde, leaving her breathless as she came face to face with the source of her anxiety.

When her best friend avoided her touch and gruffly pushed her way inside the room, Quinn was stunned and her lifted hand remained in the air for few seconds thereafter. Realizing that she was now alone in the empty hallway, the blonde, with slumped shoulders, prepared herself for what she knew a well-deserved reprimand for her recent actions. She turned around and followed the diva inside, gently closing the door behind her. Rachel was currently treading the small living room and constantly letting out deep breaths. The other girl was oblivious to her presence. The lawyer watched the diva for a few moments more before deciding to finally intervene. She slowly walked towards the diva who has yet to be aware of her presence. Once in front of the girl, Quinn hesitantly and carefully place her hands on Rachel's shoulder to still the movements of the latter. She tried so hard to maintain a straight face as dark orbs met her hazel ones. This needed to happen. It was long overdue. No matter how messy it had the tendency to be, this needed to happen now.

"Rachel…please stop pacing. You're making me dizzy," the taller girl calmly stated, trying to ease the tension feeling up the room.

To this, Rachel snorted. She quickly shrugged off the hands keeping her from moving and stepped away from the blonde. Looking Quinn directly in the eye, Rachel huffed, "Like I owe you anything. You have the nerve to ask me to stop when this," she made a circling gesture, "is all your fault! You have no right to ask anything from me, Quinn Fabray!"

She would have laughed really hard if she did not know how serious the diva was. Quinn should not have found any of these amusing but she did. Even when Rachel was at present resembling a raging bull, she was still the most stunning girl Quinn had ever laid eyes on. It was insane, her whole feelings for the brunette, but she had long accepted such fact. So, the blonde was fixed there, not moving, not saying a word. Wrong move. A very wrong move.

The livid girl was losing patience over the other by the minute. And the silence emitting from the blonde was not helping the situation. With one hand on her hip and the other scratch a non-existent itch on her forehead, Rachel impatiently said, "You won't even speak to me? Do you plan on standing there and not giving me even some lame excuse why you just disappeared on me like that? I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!" Her voice was raising an octave higher with every sentence. "GOD, QUINN! YOU ARE INFRURIATING! SPEAK UP!"

This ended the trance Quinn was in. She immediately scurried for any words that may placate Rachel but Quinn was only able to open and close her mouth. She knew she had to utter something so as not to anger the diva any more. She took a deep breath and said, "Why are you here, Rachel?" _Uh-oh…of all the things to say…I should have just shut my goddamn mouth and run far, far away_, Quinn thought regretfully.

"WHAT? Did you just ask me why I'm here?" as expected, Quinn's words only caught the ire of her visitor. "AGAIN, I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU!" Rachel turned her back to Quinn. She could not stand looking at the lawyer anymore without wanting to physically assault her. She was irrationally furious and cannot be blamed for whatever action she may decide to undertake. Pinching the bridge of her nose, she tried to contain her anger.

"What I meant was, why did you have to go here in LA when you could have just called me?" _Oh fuck…wrong thing to say again…why can't I just suddenly go mute?_

Upon hearing this, Rachel abruptly turned around to face the blonde. She could not believe the words coming out from Quinn's mouth. It was like she had no idea what she did. It was like, for Quinn there was nothing wrong with leaving without any explanation. The diva was flabbergasted, to say the least. It took her a while to formulate a sentence. "You aren't serious, are you? You expect me to call when you had successfully dodged, ignored my calls, my text messages and my emails for the past 30 days? I reached out to you everyfuckingday you were away. But you conveniently chose to disregard every single attempt I made. And now you're gonna ask me why I flew here just to talk to you instead of calling you up? I cannot fucking believe this," Rachel's voice was softer now as she was utterly dumbfounded. She was shaking her head in disbelief.

Quinn knew she had to get her shit together if she still wanted to fix things with Rachel. "Rach, please listen," she started, holding up one hand when the smaller girl tried to interrupt her. "I know I've got a lot of explaining to do. But I was just passing time, you know? We've been best friends for more than 10 years now and I thought you will have much faith in me than this. You should have known that I won't totally abandon you forever. I was just clearing my head, Rach."

"Clearing your head of what exactly, Quinn? Because that's the thing. I had no idea what it was that made you leave without any proper goodbye. You simply packed your bags and left. For a month, I was racking my head, trying to think of anything I did to make you leave the way you did. For a month, I saw myself not being able to function because I thoroughly consumed all my strength in thinking about you, how lost I felt with you not being around. For a month, I was like on auto-pilot just trying to go with life's routine. For a month, when you abandoned me, I abandoned everything in my life as well," Rachel was no longer in control of her feelings and the words containing all the frustrations accumulated over the previous days and weeks seemed to pour out from her heart. "And to think your last words to me was a promise that you will come back to me as soon as you can. I held on to that promise, Quinn. Even when I should have resented you, I know in the back of my head I was still holding on to your promise because that's the way it has always been between us. I hold on to every word you say to me. I hold on to it and when times get tough for me, those words were like lifesavers that keep me afloat and make me believe I can do anything because no matter what happens you will be there. So, now tell me, Quinn. Does it really surprise you that I left everything behind to fly all the way here just so I can finally have the answers to my questions?"

They were just standing there. Staring at each other intensely as if they were both afraid to blink and realize that this conversation was not happening. They both knew that it was now or never. They both knew they have to say everything they kept hidden.

But still, the words coming out of Rachel's mouth took Quinn by surprise. She wanted to interpret what the other girl was trying to tell her as something very positive. But Quinn learned from experience not to read too much into what her best friend said or do. She had been mistaken far too many times. She had hoped on more than one occasion and was let down every time. "What are trying to say, Rachel?"

"What? What do you mean? Have you not been listening the whole time, Quinn?" the blonde's question left the brunette confused and even more frustrated.

"With everything you confessed about how much my actions affected you, what are you trying to tell me, Rach?" Quinn never dropped her gaze from the diva's as she stepped closer to the other girl.

"Uhmm…" the diva was now speechless because now she understood the meaning behind Quinn's question. The taller girl was making her say it. The blonde wanted to know what made her react the way she did just because she left. And Rachel knew she had to face the music and confront the confusion that was bugging her ever since Amanda inquired about her true feelings towards Quinn. "I need you. I need you more than I care to admit. You remember the night we had that special dinner?" Quinn nodded. "That was the first time I was left baffled as to why we never became more than friends considering the bond that we shared. But even then I convinced myself that with our history during high school, I should just be grateful that you deemed me worthy to be called your friend. I was only ready to admit that I have wanted to become your friend since we were kids. There was always something about you that I admire so much. Your grace. Your confidence. Your long blonde hair. The way you excel in everything you put your mind into. When I was much younger, I cannot help but feel a little bit jealous of you because everybody wanted to be you. You were so admired. That was why when I thought hell had frozen over because you finally took the time to respond to my usual greeting on that first day of our senior year, I was just so happy. And I said to myself that I'm so lucky that you finally accepted my offer of friendship. I was just so happy to have this deep platonic relationship with you, Quinn."

Quinn tried to grasp and comprehend every word uttered by Rachel. She did not want to miss anything. "Has anything changed since that dinner, Rachel?" She again took another step closer to the brunette. She had not lifted her eyes from the diva's face. However, since she started to explain her reaction to Quinn, Rachel could no longer maintain eye contact with the blonde.

Rachel gave a very barely there nod which Quinn had not missed. The lawyer then lifted the diva's chin so their eyes met once again. "What changed?" Quinn could never be impatient and would do every available means if it meant that Rachel would finally give her the answers she had been waiting for so long.

Staring at the hazel eyes she had been familiar with, Rachel searched behind them. She saw openness. She saw the support her best friend had always given her. She saw the love that only now she realized had always been there. A love so unconditional, it survived many years of pure torture and rejection. A love she now realized she shared and return. There was no reason to hide and deny what she truly felt when the purest of love was staring back at her. And so, Rachel spoke with much conviction and confidence, "After that dinner, I was left so confused. That confusion never left even when I was trying so hard to shove it at the back of my mind. But then you left. I felt so many things I have never experienced before. But you leaving erased the confusion. I am no longer confused because I know what I feel about you now."

The blonde's hands were trembling now. She held her breath. She wanted to ask the brunette to clarify what she meant but she did not want to interrupt her. So, she just waited.

Then for once, Quinn did not have to wait for so long.

"I love you, Quinn."


	14. Chapter 14

_"I love you, Quinn."_

Upon hearing such words, words she had waited for so long to hear, Quinn was left gaping. She was still holding Rachel's hands but tighter now. The trembles that were shooting up from inside her could not be contained. She was sure the other girl could feel it. Her mind was suddenly blank and words evaded her. How do you react to this? You have waited for 10 long years for something you had lost hope for. You have waited and just recently decided to finally give up. For 10 years, you had not wished for anything but for this wonderful, perfect girl to somehow return your feelings. Waiting was tiring and consuming. Waiting was something you had perfected over the years. Waiting was hell especially if you come to realize you were doing it for nothing. But now, it was there for you to grab, waiting for you to take it. But could you?

Her silence was deafening. Your previous anxiety and doubt slowly crept back. Yes, she kissed you with so much passion that left you breathless. Yes, you saw something akin to hunger and lust when your eyes met for the first time in a month. But her non-reaction to what you had just declared was greatly unsettling. She was still staring at you with much intensity. But somewhere in those hazel orbs you could see a hint of uncertainty on her part. Was "love" such a strong statement? But you have known each other for so long and it was not surprising to skip shallower feelings and jump to a fierce and intense kind, right? Still, she remained unmoving but trembling. All Rachel could do was wait…

"There are so many things you don't know," Quinn started so softly.

Rachel nearly missed the words uttered barely above a whisper. But she heard it. Among all the things she was expecting to hear from the other girl, this was not one of them. Quinn had been her best friend for a long time now. They were each other's confidantes. So, Rachel could not fathom why the blonde would make such statement. It made her nervous. What could have Quinn been hiding from her all this time? "There are?" it was all she could manage to say.

This was it. She had waited for this second chance to come her way. She may not have expected this nor planned it to happen today but the chance was now right in front of her. But for some strange reason, a big part of her was unsure if she should grab this opportunity. She may not be at present as religious as she was in her teenage years but still, attempting to gather some strength and guidance from whatever higher power listening now, she lifted her face to the ceiling and, with closed eyes, took a deep breath before meeting the inquisitive dark brown eyes. "I don't know where to start," she squeezed the hands she was still holding when the diva tried to interrupt her, telling the latter to let her finish. "Maybe it would be best to begin with a confession…for 10 years now, Rachel, I have been lying to you."

This time, there was no stopping the diva from reacting to such words. She abruptly let go of the blonde's hands and took a few steps back. She was suddenly on the verge of tears, lips trembling. She wrapped her own arms around her. She refused to meet the blonde's eyes.

Quinn knew the singer immediately took what she said badly. She felt terrible for causing the diva pain, though not meaning to do so. She took careful steps towards the girl who made no move to avoid her. The blonde gingerly took one of the brunette's hands and slowly place it on top of the lawyer's chest. "I lied. I intentionally lied to make you happy. I purposely lied because I do not want to complicate your life. I lied knowingly but it was not what I wanted but what you needed. For ten years, I opened up myself to you. You are the only person with whom I shared my innermost thoughts, my worst fears, my greatest dreams. You are the single most important person in my life. You are my best friend."

With the last statement, Rachel let the tears she was holding back flow. This was what she was dreading. Quinn did not feel the same way. For the former cheerleader, Rachel would always be just a friend and the latter never imagined that such fact would hurt her this much. She was starting to really regret chasing after Quinn. She was beginning to feel terrible for hurting her wife for nothing.

Seeing the tears shed by the smaller girl, Quinn lightly brushed them away with her thumb, while her other hand still gripped Rachel's above her chest. "You are my best friend. But it was not all that I wanted from you. I lied because I want to be much, much more, Rachel." Quinn saw Rachel lift her head, blurry eyes widening. The confessor let a small smile appear on her face. "Have you not really felt it, Rach? You may not have given me your heart, but you have held mine for ten years now. I may not have been your world, but my everything revolves around you. Senior year. I still cannot give you any reason why I allowed myself to finally accept your offer of friendship but I cannot regret doing so because it ended up with me seeing you for what you are. I won't say that I have always been in love with you but every day that passed by that last year of high school made me realize how much I needed you in my life. I chose New York not only because it meant I am assured to have some company there but because I cannot see myself without you. I wanted to be there as you try to reach your dreams. I wanted you to be there for me as I attempt to make something of myself. That day my mother and I went to New York for a weekend, I did not want to leave. Even then I cannot picture a day without you. I tried to convince my mom to cut our trip short so that I can spend time with you. I was so excited to come back home to you. What I didn't know then was that my misery over that weekend could never compare for what's to come. I knew something inside me was changing but even before I can fully comprehend it, something inside you likewise changed and it wasn't because of me."

Rachel could not believe what she was hearing. It was like seeing things that happened over ten years ago in a new light. She felt foolish for being so oblivious. She was about to apologize to Quinn for not failing to see what was right in front of her then but the latter shook her head, indicating that she was not yet finished.

"I missed you so much even if I was just away for 3 days. I could not wait to get back to where we were before I left. But you were suddenly distant. I was baffled and worried. Then you told me what transpired between you and her. How you felt about her. How you guys kissed. It was the most ironic feeling; realizing how in love I am with you while my heart was being shattered in a million pieces," Quinn gave the girl a crooked smile, trying to hide her discomfort in relieving one of the painful experiences she suffered for loving Rachel. The diva was looking at her with sympathetic eyes. "Hey, it's okay. Well, back then, it wasn't. It sucked, actually. But I still stayed, didn't I? I constantly had the urge to punch walls because it hurt like a bitch but leaving you was never an option. There were far too many times when I had almost kicked her ass for hurting you. I wanted to yell at her and tell her to treat you right because you only deserve the best. Then you ended it. I shouldn't have been happy but I was. Sorry," she said the last part with a chuckle.

Rachel's heart was being assaulted with so much adoration for the woman standing in front of her. It would be a fat understatement to say she was flattered with everything Quinn was admitting to her. She would have kissed the blonde senseless were it not for the equally strong need to hear all the latter had to say. So, the diva contented herself with leaning her forehead to Quinn's. Needing to be closer to her.

Before continuing with her confession, Quinn first enjoyed the diva's proximity, smelling her hair and brushing her lips lightly on the top of the latter's head. "I then said to myself, I have to do something. I resolved to confess how I feel on the night of the prom. I told myself that I needed to give you time to heal the wounds caused by her. I want to make sure that you're ready to take another chance at love before I reveal how I feel. But obviously things didn't work out the way I planned." She didn't mean to but tears escaped from her eyes as she recounted the day she lost her chance to be with the other girl. Rachel wiped the tears away from Quinn's face with the back of her hand before cupping the latter's cheek. "I know I lost my chance to say how I truly felt about you when I saw how you looked at her. I could not force myself to hate her. How could I when there was no denying how much she felt about you too. I know despite what happened I still cannot afford to lose you. You are my best friend. You are the love of my life. I will go through whatever just to see you happy even if the source of your happiness comes from someone else."

The brunette was also crying at this point. She cried for all the pain she now knew her best friend went through for her. She cried for all those wasted times. She cried because she was torn between regretting everything that happened and feeling guilty for regretting it. She cried because no words can ever mend the damages created in reaching this point. "I'm sorry, Quinn. I am truly, deeply sorry for causing you so much pain. I didn't know. Please believe me. I really didn't know you felt that way."

Quinn enveloped Rachel in a tight hug as she rubbed soothing circles on the latter's back. "Sssh, Rach. It doesn't matter now. And you never forced me to love you. Like you said you didn't know. I blamed myself everyday for being such a fuckin' coward. I blamed myself for not having enough courage to tell you that I am ready for you," the taller woman gently pulled away to look at the other in the eyes. "I continued to shower you with my love and devotion because you are the most important person in my life. But I'm not gonna lie. Part of me stayed and endured everything hoping you'll see that I am the better choice than her. I want to be there just in case things don't work out between the two of you. I am not always noble, Rach."

"Nonsense. I have always considered you as my knight in shining armor. You always saved me when the going gets rough. You were always there making me feel like I can do anything. You always made feel loved, Quinn. And for that, you will always remain noble in my books," Rachel whispered to her before placing a soft kiss at the tip of her nose.

"Even when you decided to marry her, I was pathetic enough to still hope that you will see me. See me and realize that I am the one for you. I am far from noble, Rach. You have time and again asked me why I don't commit myself to someone instead of collecting a vast number of one-night stands. It was mainly because I know I can never be over you. I will never find another person like you. Everybody else would fail in comparison with you. But most especially, Rach, I settled for finding physical intimacy with other girls who don't necessarily interest me because I was still reserving any emotional investment that I can give for you."

With every word Quinn was uttering, Rachel could feel herself falling more in love with the other girl. This beautiful woman who had always been admired for her beauty, intelligence and confidence by many was currently professing her love for her. Rachel's heart was overflowing with so much love. But a thought suddenly entered her mind. She reluctantly pulled away. "If you love me that much then why did you leave me? You promised me that you'll come back to me as soon as you can. And you have never broken any promise you've given me in the past."

As much as she wanted to recapture the shorter woman in a tight hug, Quinn reminded herself that being honest meant she had to tell even the not so nice feelings she had. "I came back, Rachel. I was at your doorsteps less than 5 hours after I talked to you over the phone," the brunette could only give a confused look. "I was about to ring the bell when I saw you and her through your window. You were sitting at her lap. Both of your eyes were closed as her arms were securely wrapped around you. That was when it hit me. You already belonged to somebody else, somebody you love and who love you in return. I have to save my sanity. I need to regroup and put myself back together. I need time away from you."

The words were like knives cutting her deep. This whole conversation was similar to a rollercoaster ride for Rachel. One moment they were kissing. The next thing she knew her blood was boiling due to the frustrations caused to her by Quinn. Then Quinn was finally admitting to her her feelings. And now, the blonde was telling her that she wanted to stay away from her. "You don't want me here, Quinn?" she asked the lawyer, feeling her insecurities slowly building up inside her.

"What? No!" the pale girl instantly panicked. "I wanted to be indifferent with you. But the moment I saw your face, I knew I can't stay mad at you. You are my savior and my kryptonite at the same time." Both of them giggled at this.

Rachel took two quick steps towards the blonde and wrapped her arms around Quinn's waist. The diva took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts and enough courage for what she was about to say, "I don't know what will happen now but what I know is I won't allow you to stay away from me for another day more. We'll work this out, Quinn. We'll find a way."

The lawyer was flabbergasted. She had waited for this for ten years. Her whole body was humming with excitement and love. She let out a small chuckle then she leaned in closer to the tiny beauty until their lips were only few centimeters apart. Quinn could already taste the other girl even without actually kissing her. Their eyes closed almost simultaneously in anticipation of the kiss.

_BUZZ!_

Both girls jumped apart. "Fuck!" Quinn hissed while clutching her chest. "Who can it be now?"

"We won't know until you open the door, Quinn," Rachel patted the other woman's butt as she pushed her gently towards the door.

Quinn was too pissed because of the intrusion to even bother peeking through the peephole. She brusquely opened the door only to get an armful of the unidentified intruder.

"Surprise!" the hugger giddily shouted before peppering the blonde with kisses all over her face. "I miss you so much, hon…"

In the corner of the room, a poor woman's heart was breaking at the scene unfolding before her. The visitor then noticed the broken soul and lifted her head from Quinn's shoulder. "Rachel?"

The diva attempted to mask her pain but was betrayed by the cracking of her voice as she replied, "Amanda…"

xxx


	15. Chapter 15

1 week ago

It was a beautiful Saturday morning. She was currently waiting in line to get her daily caffeine fix before she goes for a walk in central park, a recently-acquired routine she shared with her. Although it had been 3 weeks since she last saw her, she still could not ignore the yearning for the answers to the questions that had been bugging her all this time, for the same person who alone could give her just that.

After she was dropped off by Quinn at her house, Amanda never heard from the blonde again. She was tempted so many times to call or message her girlfriend but her pride got in the way. Why should she be the one to first reach out when she was the one who was once again taken for granted? Thus, although she terribly missed the girl, she pushed the craving at the back of her mind and forced herself not to succumb to the need bubbling inside her to go after the latter.

She won't lie. She was left baffled when after being dropped off at her house, she did not hear anymore from her lover except from a text message saying "_Hey, I'm sorry I can't personally say goodbye to you. Something came up and I have to be in LA indefinitely. I know there are things left to be discussed between us. We'll talk soon. Take care._" It didn't go unnoticed to her that the blonde set no time when they will have said _talk_ and no promise was made to communicate with her was given. To say that she was hurt would be a big understatement. She couldn't find it in her heart to respond. She was not ignorant enough to believe that something else happened that made Quinn ran away…it was because of her job, it was not even because of her…

The one reason she was avoiding to consider was further strengthened when she learned from Santana that Rachel and her was informed by Quinn of her sudden relocation through a mere text message as well. She was aware of the close relationship the blonde had with her longtime friends. So, it was baffling why even with them Quinn chose to make a hasty exit out of the State. Especially when it came to Rachel.

It hurt to admit how Quinn failed or even refused to hide her special treatment of the diva. But Amanda learned early on in her relationship with the lawyer not to question this and instead just to cope and adjust to the situation. How can she complain when Rachel's own wife seemed to have accepted the fact that there was a bond shared by the two way beyond reach of any person outside of it?

Her thoughts were momentarily broken when the barista called out her name. But as soon as she left the coffee shop, her mind almost automatically drifted back to Quinn. There was no use in denying that she was tempted everyday to send even a simple message to the blonde. She badly missed her but in the end she would also realize that it may be for the best that she gives Quinn her space for a while. Maybe soon she would need to have a closure but not now.

As she was about to turn in a corner, due to being pre-occupied with her musing, she was not aware of her surroundings until she collided with another solid body causing her drink to spill.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" Amanda quickly offered an apology even without looking at the other person. She was immediately rummaging through the contents of her bag in search of a napkin.

"Amanda?"

Upon hearing the voice, Amanda halted her actions. She knew that voice. She was reluctant to raise her head and see if she was correct in her assumption. Although she would readily admit to missing the girl so badly, she wasn't sure if she could handle seeing her so soon. She remained unmoving with her head still ducked and her eyes closed.

"Hey," the voice was soft. Amanda then felt a finger lifting her chin and when she finally opened her eyes, she found herself staring at those familiar hazel orbs.

"Hey," Quinn repeated with a smile which faltered when the woman in front of her maintained a blank expression on her face. "We gotta stop meeting like this?" the blonde chuckled, trying to lighten the tension.

Amanda shook her head in an attempt to escape the stupor she was currently in. Meeting the same set of eyes once again, she pushed herself to speak, "Quinn?"

"Yeah, for a while there I thought you've already forgotten who I am," the blonde teased.

"I…uhmm…how long have you been back in New York, Quinn?" Amanda had already cleared her head and was now reminded how shitty Quinn had treated her.

Fully knowing she had so wronged the brunette, Quinn was overwhelmed by guilt and knew making light of the situation would only worsen the same. "Uhmm…I just got back and not for good yet. There are some things I need to handle here. I'm flying back to LA tomorrow night." She could no longer maintain eye contact with the other girl. Try as she might, even a lame idea as to how repair things with Amanda won't enter her mind.

"Oh okay," Amanda could not stop the bitterness seeping through her emotions at the moment. If they hadn't met accidentally today, would Quinn even try to contact her? She could feel the signs of tears appearing from her eyes. She could not allow the blonde to see her crumble. She would not give her the satisfaction of seeing how affected she was of her abandonment. "So, maybe I'll see you around then. And I really apologize for ruining another shirt of yours. Goodbye, Quinn," with that, she moved to continue her path towards the park. But before she could take a few more steps, she felt a hand gripping her wrist.

"Amanda, wait," there was sense of urgency in Quinn's voice. The brunette stopped but did not turn around to face her. The blonde stepped forward, placing herself in front of the brunette. "Uhmm…I was thinking if maybe we can talk even for a while? I believe there are things to say," Quinn tightened her hold on Amanda, hoping the latter could see the sincerity in her voice.

She hated herself for what she was about to do. She did not plan to make it easy for Quinn. She wanted the blonde to work for her forgiveness. But she could not help but utter, "Yah, there are."

xxx

Present day

She fluffed her pillow for the nth time that night. She had been tossing and turning, trying to find a comfortable position to sleep in but it was as if sleep had also been evading her. She let out a loud sigh, frustrated that she could not even get the respite a sleep can offer her. She just wanted to escape this reality. She hoped that once slumber had taken over her mind and body, she would be lucky enough to have a dream wherein all was good in her life and she would have her wife back in her arms, loving her again. But luck was definitely not on her side at the moment.

_Rachel_, she whispered in the dark. She turned to face her wife's side of the bed. She stretched her arm to feel the cold empty sheets. Sheets that still smells of Rachel. She traced the empty space with her hand, imagining the days where she could just drape her arm around the smaller girl's waist and be the bigger spoon. If she just close her eyes, she could pretend to see gorgeous dark hair splayed on the pillow and an expanse of smooth tan skin. She could pretend to nuzzled with her nose the crook of Rachel's neck and enjoy a scent uniquely her. She could pretend to place kisses on her shoulders, her neck, her throat until the girl turns to face her. She could pretend…

She turned on her back. Covering her already closed eyes with one hand, the Latina felt sobs wracking her body without meaning to. She was tired of crying her eyes out. She just wanted all of these to stop. She wanted to be in that life she had a month ago. She wanted her loving wife back. She wanted to regain their love which all of a sudden was in limbo, its future uncertain.

She loves Rachel. She loves her with all her heart. She thought she was one of the lucky few who had found their partner in life early in life and were lucky enough to enjoy the same far much longer than many others. After their high school prom, she encountered obstacles that made her unsure of what life was to offer her but one thing remained constant and she was confident in…Rachel. Because of her wife, the usual skepticism she had was forgotten and she learned to be more optimistic and positive. But look at where it landed her now. Had she been more guarded and suspicious like her old self, she might have seen this thing coming. But the past month full of Rachel sulking did not alarm her as she had always been secure of her wife's love for her. Yeah sure, there were times when she would get jealous but Rachel would always find a way to assure her and make her feel silly about questioning the strength of their relationship. She should have seen the signs and not just ignored them.

_I'm sorry but I have to do this. Not only for me and her. But especially, for us. _

Was Rachel really doing this for them? And what did that mean? Did Rachel just want to go see her to confirm her feelings towards her so that she pack her bags, file for a divorce and ultimately leave her completely? What if she realized that indeed she love her best friend more than her wife? Would it really be just that easy for Rachel to turn her back from their marriage?

She felt her stomach turning and the bile in her mouth forming due to that last thought. She quickly pushed herself off the bed, ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. After emptying the contents of her stomach, she leaned against the tiled walls and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

She loved Rachel. She loved her with all her heart. She is Santana Fucking Lopez. And hell would have to freeze over before she let her wife walk away from their marriage like it was not even worth anything. She is Santana Fucking Lopez. And she would not give up her wife without a fight!

Quickly standing from her crouched position on the bathroom floor, she brushed her teeth and cleaned her face, looking at her own reflection in the mirror with a newly recharged vigor and determination. She then moved towards the bed and got hold of her cellphone.

Calling her was not an option as the Latina knew that Rachel would argue against what she was about to say. So, Santana decided to just send her wife a brief but concise text message just like the note the latter left her before leaving for LA.

_Stay there in LA. I am part of this marriage too. You don't get to decide on your own when it involves my life as well. I will call/text you as soon as I land at LAX._

Before pressing the send button, she allowed herself to weight the pro's and con's of following her wife in LA and the necessity of finally having the _talk_ with all the parties concerned. Was she ready for what she was about to bring to herself? Was she ready for whatever decision Rachel might reach in the end? Would it better to fly to LA and risk having her heart broken sooner than when she just wait her in New York?

Staring at the composed message, one thought was running through her mind… _to send or not to send_?

xxx

**A/N: Ok, this is like a filler chapter as some of you seemed confused why Amanda was suddenly in the picture again. Also, let's not forget the issue that Rachel is still very much married to Santana. There are many scenarios in my head on how things would happen. I am really undecided at the moment.**

**With that said, may I ask for your suggestions once again on how you want the meeting of Amanda and Rachel to transpire? Also, **_**to send or not to send**_**, what do you guys think?**

**Thank you very much for reading and reviewing!**


	16. Chapter 16

"_Amanda…"_

Rachel could not believe how things abruptly changed. One moment she and Quinn finally had the courage to admit their feelings for each other but the next thing she knew her heart was quickly breaking into pieces as she watched the latter being enveloped in a tight embrace by another woman. She had to shake her head a few times just so she could tell whether what transpired a few minutes ago was real or not. She raised her head once again, shifting her gaze between the two women. The other brunette was eyeing her warily while the blonde was seemingly silently pleading her to let her explain. Rachel was not certain how to react but her mind had other ideas as she was not able to stop the tears that escaped her eyes.

As soon as she saw Rachel's tears, Quinn saw no other option but to rush to her best friend's side, ignoring the questioning glare she got from Amanda. She stood in front of the diva, cupped her face and lifted her head in order for their eyes to meet. With just one look at the brown orbs she loved so much, Quinn knew Rachel was hurt with the sudden appearance of Amanda. She needed to straighten things out; otherwise, she will lose the thing she had craved, wanted and wished for for so long and was now within her grasp. Hoping against hope that Rachel would trust her, Quinn held eye contact with the girl intensely. "This is _not_ something I cannot explain but for now you just have to trust me, okay? What happened earlier was real. All of the things I told you are true. I won't take anything back. God, I will never ever take anything back. All I'm asking you right now is to have faith in me," she assured Rachel softly, pouring all the sincerity and earnest pleading she could muster. She shut her eyes tightly as she waited for the diva's reply, praying to the high heavens that this was not the beginning of the end for them.

Even when the blonde decided to end their eye contact, Rachel remained focused on Quinn. She raised her hands to rest them atop the taller girl's. Gripping the soft hands, she brushed away any doubt from her mind and resolved to grant the plea. "I trust you. I've always trusted you. You have always taken care of me…of my heart. But I think I still have to ask you not to break it. I have faith in you. I have faith in us. Please, I am begging you. Don't break me," Rachel likewise pleaded to Quinn.

She could not believe what she just heard. It was more than she could ask for. There was no other meaning that could be inferred to the words Rachel just uttered. Her dream of her best friend finally returning the love she had cherished for 10 years now was coming true and the latter was not holding back. On the contrary, Quinn felt that Rachel was laying her cards as well without any regrets or second thoughts. Rachel loved her. Quinn knew this now and hell would have to freeze over if she won't do anything to make sure that she keeps it that way. She shifted her hands to cup the diva's neck. She was aware of a third person's presence in the room so she fought the urge to capture the other girl's lips once again. Instead, she lightly brushed her thumbs on the soft skin and looked at the gorgeous eyes, "You have always had my heart. And now, I have yours, I promise you that I will take good care of it and would never dream of ever causing you any pain. Thank you for trusting me,"

She did not have to say anything back. It was clear. The love they share was intense and pure. That was all she needed to hear to give Quinn her complete faith and trust. So, Rachel simply smiled before placing a soft peck on the blonde's cheek. She moved away from Quinn and stepped towards the door, passed Amanda. She did not even bother giving the other brunette a look.

_Did that actually happen_, she questioned herself. Amanda wanted to put a stop to it but she was so bewildered that she could not move from where she was standing. It was like the two had no care whether she was there or not. She was trembling from feeling so disrespected. She could not discern what she ever did to Quinn for the latter to treat her so badly. The way the blonde hastily rushed to the singer's side would be forever engraved in Amanda's mind. It meant only one thing…she would never be that girl for Quinn, it would always be Rachel. _Why did she have to win me back? I did not force myself on her, she asked me to give her another chance. THAT WAS JUST A WEEK AGO! Why is Rachel even here in LA?_ Amanda was uncertain to whom to pass the blame. She wanted to hate Quinn for breaking her heart once again. She wanted to get mad at Rachel for being so selfish, for wanting everything for herself. She wanted to blame herself for being so gullible and believing that this time it would work out between Quinn and her. She went here to surprise Quinn and assure the blonde that she would do her part in making things better between them. But now, she just felt so stupid.

Rachel passed by her and made her way towards the door. Quinn remained standing and unmoving, her back facing Amanda. When she heard the shutting of the door, something inside her snapped. She may not be a bitch but she was also definitely not somebody who would let people walk all over her. She did not wait for her girlfriend to turn around. She cleared her throat and with a stern voice and firm conviction she said, "You said your piece to her. Now let me have mine."

xxx

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Upon hearing the accusatory question, Rachel halted her steps but did not turn around to face the other person. She sensed her accuser getting nearer. Still, the diva did not bother to look at her. Without any malice, Rachel simply replied, "You saw what you saw. You heard what you heard. I don't think I still have to explain myself."

"That's it? You don't care that you're ruining something? And do I need to remind you that you are a married woman attempting to seduce another who is also in a committed relationship? Have you no care at all, Rachel? Are you that selfish?" Amanda did not have to add venom in her voice. Her mere words were scathing enough that the smaller brunette had no choice but to face her.

The words uttered were true but they still stung nevertheless. She could not say that she had forgotten all about her wife, her wife who must be currently suffering because of her actions. Rachel was well aware of the possible consequences and casualties that might arise out openly admitting her love for Quinn. She might have been surprised with the sudden realization that the blonde was in a relationship with Amanda but it did not change anything. One thing she was sure though. Whatever it may cost her, Quinn would be worth it. And who was this girl to lay her claim on Quinn? Rachel then felt her blood boiling. _Oh, it is so on!_

"I believe my marriage is not any of your business, Amanda? Regarding your so-called "committed"," she even used air quotes for this, "relationship with Quinn that is between the two of you. Again, you heard what you heard and saw what you saw. I did not push her into anything. If you want to make things clearer for you, you have to ask her not me."

"I won't let her go that easily. You had 10 years to see her for what she truly is. You had your chances but you chose to be blind. And don't give me that bullshit excuse that you never saw her for more than just a friend. You have always known that she's in love with you. Yet you chose to ignore it for reasons only you could explain. But the truth remains, you have always been aware of her feelings for you. I, on the other hand, would never take her for granted. I would fight for her. I would be brave enough to accept what she can and cannot give to me. Be that as it may, I will fight you. No matter how much she loves you. Regardless of the fact that I know she would always choose you. I would fight for her. Because I deserve her. I. Deserve. Her."

Before she could even react to what the other girl said, Rachel saw Amanda turning around to re-enter the hotel room and face and maybe convince the girl they were fighting over that she was the better choice.

xxx

When she entered the room, Amanda saw her girlfriend had remained where she left her. Although now the blonde was sitting on the coffee table with her head in her hands. Quinn did not even bother to look up when the brunette shut the door. Amanda took the time to study the blonde. Her girlfriend was obviously conflicted. She did not move toward the blonde. Instead she positioned herself against the wall directly facing the troubled girl. Clearing her throat, she decided that it was now or never. "I will fight for you."

Quinn heard the door open and shut. But she did not have the heart to look at the girl whose heart she was about to break once again. When words were uttered with much conviction, the lawyer was baffled. After all the hurt she had inflicted upon this girl, the latter still chose to be with her. The guilt she was nursing since she was left alone in the room grew stronger. But if there was one thing she learned from the past 10 years, hope was the cruelest torture one could give to a person who has nothing to expect. It was now or never. "Please don't."

xxx

She hailed a cab. She could have gotten a room in the same hotel where Quinn was staying but she decided against it. Everything Amanda said to her was now slowly seeping in her mind. She loved Quinn. There was no denying it now. But she was in fact still very much married.

_Santana_.

She loved the latina. There was also no denying it. Her wife had given her everything. Ever since their prom night when Santana admitted her feelings to her in front of the whole Mckinley population, the former had spent each day showing Rachel the extent of her love. She had time and again proven to the diva that she had changed. Prior to the realization of her true feelings for her best friend, Rachel had felt loved and content with her life with the latina. Could she really shatter the heart of the person who had given 10 wonderful years full of love, patience and trust? Before she could find the answer to the question, she felt her phone vibrate.

_Stay there in LA. I am part of this marriage too. You don't get to decide on your own when it involves my life as well. I will call/text you as soon as I land at LAX._

She released a deep breath. It was now or never.


	17. Chapter 17

"We. Need. To. Talk."

"I have nothing to say."

"Well, I do. A lot, actually."

"As much as I want to apologize, I won't."

"I don't need any apology from you. Or any lame excuse for that matter. What I need from you is for you to get the hell away from her and our life."

"That's not for you OR me to decide."

"You see that's where you're wrong, though. It is OUR life you're fucking up. Not only hers but mine as well!"

"But you see if she doesn't think I'm indeed "fucking up" her life, I don't see any reason for us to talk. Like I said, it's her decision. She won't be with me if she _does_ think you and her are working out, would she?"

"What is happening with our life is not, AND I WILL REPEAT IT TIME AND AGAIN UNTIL THAT PEA BRAIN OF YOURS ABSORBS IT, NOT any of your goddamn business! I've let you meddle for far too long but I am stopping that now. STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM MY WIFE!"

The Latina was seething now. She was up at Quinn's face, eyes filled with so much contempt for the woman attempting to destroy her marriage. And the fact that the blonde was not backing down had her blood boiling more. Quinn was matching her anger with equal intensity, keeping their eye contact unblinking.

Santana decided to nip the problem in the bud. Well, she may admit that she may be nearly a little too late but she just hope that nothing had been resolved yet between Quinn and Rachel which may be detrimental to her and their marriage. All throughout the 6 hour flight from New York to LA, she had been contemplating how she would handle the situation. She missed her wife. Santana knew they had to settle things between them, regardless of how they would do so. But she also could not deny the fact that she wanted to see Rachel. No matter how much the diva's recent actions infuriated her, Santana still loved her so fucking much and there's a small part in her which hated herself for it.

However, she also knew that there was a strong possibility that the moment she saw her, all the pain and anger she suffered these past couple of days would melt in an instant. Talking or rather battling it out with the source of all the troubles confounding her life would be the better choice. If she could get the blonde to stay away from them, and she would make damn sure she would, the entirety of the pressing issue would be gone. The mere thought of seeing the person she had treated as both her and her wife's confidante who turned out to be a traitor had Santana got so livid at one point she was not able to stop herself from punching the back of the seat in front of her, causing curses to fly from the occupant of said seat.

Quinn Fabray. Santana had known the lawyer since they were 6. Theirs was never a friendship built on trust. They had always been competing against each other. More often than not, they would try to take advantage of the secrets they had gathered from each other and used them to crush the other. But still, they had considered one another as friends. During Quinn's pregnancy, the Latina felt pity towards the other girl. However, this did not stop her from using that opportunity to take over the spot of top dog of McKinley. In order to finally snatch the coveted title of Head Cheerio, Santana did not extend any help to Quinn and instead she turned her back to her and their friendship.

On the other hand, after giving birth and regaining back her figure, Quinn had thoroughly planned the whole summer of 2010 how she would be able to return to the Cheerios and ultimately be the HBIC once again. Step one was decided to be trying out and confronting Sue Sylvester. She had rehearsed one too many times what she was going to say to convince or otherwise manipulate the cheerleading coach to allow her to come back to the squad. When that time came, Quinn was even surprised to realize how easy for her to get into the head of the devil-reincarnate coach. And she did not find anything wrong in admitting that it felt so good. It was just like before she was impregnated by the man-whore Puckerman. But most importantly, being a Fabray, the blonde would not just stop there. She had to take back everything she had lost and that included her snatching the title of Head Cheerleader from Santana at all cost. One day during the summer, she called the Lopez's residence to invite the brunette to jog and maybe possibly reconnect. It was not a noble plan. Quinn knew she had to have Santana on her side if she wanted to regain her status at the top of the social hierarchy at McKinley. She was informed by Mrs. Lopez that her daughter was visiting his uncle in LA. Quinn then called up Brittany instead. Because Brittany could not save her herself if she had to lie, she let it slip that Santana was in LA for a boob job. It was an honest mistake on the part of the dancer as she did not find anything wrong with such operation. Quinn, however, found a reason to topple down Santana and make a well-deserved revenge against her. Not even an ounce of guilt was felt by her as she spilled the secret to Sylvester. All she felt then was elation when she was informed that she was returning to the squad as the Head Cheerio.

Santana would never admit it then but she really felt guilty for hitting Quinn and throwing insult about the blonde's pregnancy in front of the whole school. But she was a self-proclaimed badass and she had a reputation to protect. Still, even after what happened and without any apology from either girl, they went back to being at one another's side because they both knew that they needed each other to be able to run the school and they went back to feeding from the other's weaknesses.

Until a small brunette diva came into their lives.

They may still bicker from time to time but Rachel was always there to meddle and restore peace. The Latina hated to admit but before the past month had happened somehow Quinn had been a pretty big part of their marriage and in a good way. Although there were times when she could not help but get jealous of the significance of Quinn in her wife's life, the blonde had also been there for Santana whenever she needed her. Despite being so utterly in love with her wife, there were times when the Latina found Rachel overbearing and high maintenance. And when that happens, she would almost always seek the help of Quinn. Also, there were times she could not understand the issues behind her wife's sudden tantrums and walk-outs. But the blonde seemed to have no problem pinpointing what those issues were and would easily find solutions in order to pacify the diva.

But now, looking at the face she had known for so long, Santana found herself battling with her own emotions. She wanted to hurl curses to the blonde. She wanted to punch her in the face. She wanted to hurt Quinn the way she's hurting now. On the other hand, Santana could not help but to see a longtime friend in front of her. She wanted to set aside her own feelings because she could perfectly see in those hazel eyes that their owner was hurting as well. She wanted to console her and ask her how she was feeling. She wanted to be the kind of friend she failed to be in the past.

How did they come to this point? All three of them. How? Santana's heart was breaking because of the mere thought that her marriage was in jeopardy. She could readily see that Quinn was hurting as well perhaps because she knew that she was the cause of the conflict between the two spouses. And because they had been together for 10 years, Santana knew that Rachel was struggling. As much as she wanted to focus on her own pain, she couldn't. Everything that happened the past month that led to this day rapidly built up in her chest until she could not avoid it anymore, Santana burst into sobs.

xxx

Quinn was not surprised to find Santana waiting for her at her office. She was not surprised when the brunette stood up, walked towards her and got straight to the point. The threats were also expected. The rage mixed with hurt reflected in the dark eyes was justified. The blonde was just waiting for a repeat of their throw down that happened back in high school. She was anticipating it because she knew the other girl had the tendency to get physical when her emotions are on overdrive whether it be due to happiness, lust or wrath. She won't stop her. No. This needed to happen.

For Quinn, what happened last night was a dream come true. However, a small part of her felt bad for having to hurt other people in the process. Just a few hours ago, the blonde could only watch the devastation rush through Amanda's face. She did not even let the other brunette speak. Quinn had learned from experience that hope was the biggest torture of all. So, without further ado, she informed Amanda of what transpired before she knocked on Quinn's door that evening. She profusely apologized for hurting her again but assured the girl that someone better was out there for her, someone who would consider her the way Quinn considers Rachel. The slap brought to her cheek was out of nowhere albeit for a good reason.

And now the other casualty was standing in front of her with several emotions crossing her face. There were many times when she felt intimidated by the mere presence of the Latina. Added to that was that she had already knew the physical strength of the girl. She never stood a chance during their brawl. But at present, even when Santana was simply too close for comfort, her stance was more than enough to make anybody else cower. Except, Quinn was determined to fight for Rachel. 10 long years of waiting and now that she finally got the answer she was hoping for, the blonde would do anything to keep the love Rachel had proclaimed last night.

She took in the appearance of the girl staring intensely at her. She quickly concluded that Santana had not gotten any rest as of lately. There were obvious dark circles surrounding her eyes. Although her poise remained intimidating, the Latina's usual fire was no longer there. Quinn could acknowledge that since getting back together with Rachel during their prom night Santana had been a better person as she promised the diva. The brunette would still throw insulting remarks, comment with a bite and refuse to show any vulnerability to other people but, in general, she shed off the bitchy side of her in order to prove to Rachel that she was indeed ready for her. The blonde could even concede that if the singer cannot return her feelings, Quinn would not want any other person to end up with Rachel. To conclude, Santana showed that she was in fact deserving of Rachel.

Amidst the silence enveloping the two girls, the lawyer constantly reminded herself of what was waiting for her when all of this is done and over with. Despite being the weaker one physically, Quinn tried to summon the long before discarded HBIC self in her. She knew if she looked back unto this day she would not be proud of herself. Nobody needed to remind her that she was the one inflicting pain and possible destruction, to another.

She was getting impatient although she admits that she had no right to be. So she just settled on maintaining eye contact with the girl. The girl who was at the moment exhibiting different emotions in her eyes. Quinn was about to open her mouth and tell Santana that the only thing she regrets about the whole situation they were all currently in was hurting her friend but the latter suddenly broke into sobs.

There was no hesitation on Quinn's part when she immediately gathered the broken girl in her arms. There was no question. At that moment, Santana was her friend. A friend of hers who was in need of comforting. The blonde then led the Latina to the couch where the latter settled her head in the former's lap. Quinn did not utter a word. She let the girl pour all the pain she was suffering. Pain Quinn knew she inflicted. Instead, with her one hand she rubbed soothing circles on the brunette's back while the other run through the girl's hair.

The Latina was openly wailing now without care whether she was heard by people outside the room. She cried because she was hurting so bad. She cried because there was a possibility that she's going to lose her wife to her friend. She cried because she felt so betrayed. She cried because she knew she had given Rachel everything she could but still it seemed not enough. She cried because for the past 10 years she was sure of her wife's love for her. She cried because she had always known that Quinn loved Rachel. She cried because she knew Quinn would be good for Rachel. She cried because she did not want to let go. She cried because she could not do anything but wait. Wait for Quinn to finally admit her true feelings for Rachel. Wait for Rachel to finally admit her true feelings for Quinn. Wait for Rachel to finally admit if Santana still had anything to expect from her. Santana cried.

Seeing the _Santana Badass Lopez_ break down and show her utmost vulnerability was truly unsettling. If only she could forget Rachel, Quinn would. If only she could forget that first day of the senior year, Quinn would. If only she could forget all about the girl she had felt everything for, Quinn would. But she knew she couldn't. She could try but she knew in the end Rachel would be the girl she would always long for.

They remained that way for a period of time they were not aware of until…

"I should hate you, you know."

"You really should."

"If she leaves me for you, I don't think I can ever forgive you."

"You won't and I understand."

"I gave her everything but still it wasn't enough. I should have seen this coming. I was never enough for her. She always needed you even though I was there. Damn you and your perfect self. I hate you." No venom was mixed with these words.

"Hmph. I hated you for 10 years. I think that makes us even. You just swept in with your charming badass with a mild damsel in distress persona and took the girl away. Up to this date I cannot fathom how you got your way by singing about Rachel being your little punching bag. So don't worry. I take no offense because I hate you too." Likewise, the harshness of the words that should have been there was lacking.

"Ha! You're just bitter because you were too much of a coward then. And just to set things straight, she told me she wouldn't choose any other song."

"I was not a coward, idiot. I was going to confess my feelings for her that night as well but you just seem to have the talent of being at the right place, at the right time."

"You say talent, I say fate."

"You say fate, I say luck."

Silence. Both girls digesting whatever the other had said.

"For the record, this has nothing to do with me outdoing you. I know that we have always been in competition for whatever. But this is not that. Rachel is not something I'd risk losing."

"It has not been like that to me either."

"I love her, Q. More than what I ever felt for B."

"I know."

"I tried to be better, to be deserving of her."

"And you are."

"But it seems not enough."

"You have given your best, your everything for her. For me, that would be enough. Never doubt that."

"That is why I goddamn hate you so much right now."

"You have every right. But know that nothing is settled until you guys talk."

Silence.

"I have always known that you love her."

"And yet you never talked to me about it."

"I guess I was sort of a coward too. Perhaps I was afraid to confront you. Perhaps I was afraid to face it. Perhaps I was afraid that once you admit it you will have the guts to act on it. Perhaps I was afraid that if it came down to it, she will realize that she wanted you more. Funny thing is I am now finding myself in that situation I have successfully avoided for 10 years."

"Again, I'll say that nothing is settled. Yet. Until you guys sit down and talk, nothing is settled."

"But you're not nervous about me talking to her. I should tell you now. When I get to talk to her about this, I will fight for our marriage. I will not give her up that easily. She is still my wife, need I remind you."

"There's no need to remind me. I have been there to witness everything between you two. I was her maid of honor, need I remind you."

"Yet you have no qualms in stealing her from me."

"God knows how much I wanted to steal her away from you. But you have to believe me that it was never my intention. Yes, no day has passed that I wished that she'll love me back. But I consider you my friend, Santana. I don't want to be the cause of your break up. I won't, however, lie that if she chooses to be with me, I won't even think twice in accepting her with open arms. It's complicated. But you have to believe me, I never intentionally taken a single step in breaking your marriage. I was there for her. Loving her from a distance. Convincing myself that I'd be happy if she's happy. I won't deny that everytime you kiss her, everytime you hug her, everytime she says she loves you, I'd settle to imagining it was me in your place. You are one lucky bastard, I hope you know that."

Silence.

"I love you, Q. I hate you because you love my wife. But you are my friend and I love you."

"I love you, S. I hate you because you had her for 10 years. But you are my friend and I love you."

"But I gotta be honest. In case she chooses me, I'd ask you to back out. I can't handle you being near her again."

"I understand."

"If she chooses you, I'd totes hate you for a long time but I'll try to respect it."

"That would be hard for you. I'd understand if you'd hate me. I deserve that and much more. I won't even ask you to respect it. But thanks anyway, S."

"How did we end up being this mature?"

"Don't ask me. This is all surreal to me."

"The old Santana would have cut a bitch on you now. If the old Santana saw this future me, I bet she WOULD cut a bitch on me."

"There's no doubt it my mind. I was expecting a repeat of our throw down back in junior year. And you going all Lima Heights on me."

Silence.

"Talk to her, S."

"Getting impatient of your impending victory, Q?"

"It's not like that."

"I know, I know. I was just kidding."

"We both know her. We both know that she's a mess right now. She always tries to do the right thing."

"She hates hurting people. She has the biggest heart."

"Although she's known for being a self-centered diva, when it comes to the people who mattered the most to her, she is always willing to sacrifice her own happiness for them."

"She is the best thing that ever happened to me."

"She is worth every pain and frustration."

"I will never regret a single day I had spent with her."

"She will always be that girl for me."

"If things ended up between us, I'd hate you but I can never hate her."

"There were so many times she had been the cause of my pain but I never hated her. I never regretted loving her."

"I love her but she's a one lucky bitch to be loved by two awesome badasses, don't you think?"

"A ONE LUCKY LITTLE BITCH."

"A bitch I do anything for."

"A bitch I would willingly go through all of the pain I experienced these past 10 years for."

Silence.

"I gotta go talk to her."

"Yeah, you do that."

"Wish me luck?"

"Believe me I want to but sorry I won't."

"I understand. Don't ask me to throw in a few good words for you because that won't happen. I may even badmouth you a little. Hope you understand."

"I understand."

"Ok. As long as we're clear about that."

"Clear. Really clear."

"Bye, Q."

"Bye, S."


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Okay, we are nearing the end. One or two chapters more. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**xxx**

As Rachel lay down on the hotel bed, she could not help but feel dread to what she knew was to come. She had been waiting the whole day for her wife. The last text message she got from Santana was when she landed at LAX and asked her what hotel she was staying in, that was hours ago. She was so anxious of what was about to go down though everything was still uncertain.

All of her confessions to Quinn last night were true and she would not take a single thing back. However, when it comes to their repercussions, Rachel realized that a part of her was not ready to deal with them. It was not the first time she acted solely on her impulses. She usually wore her heart on her sleeve; thus, even if she did not admit her love for Quinn, she was sure her facial expressions and body language would give her away. Not to mention, she kissed Quinn back rather passionately and for several minutes. The difference this time was that the consequences of her action would be the most life altering so far.

Rachel did not want to regret anything that she had said and done last night. She meant all of it. She did not even want to think that it never happened, it was far too amazing. But after leaving the hotel and receiving the text message from her wife, she could no longer ignore the implications and effects of what had transpired between her and Quinn. She was still a married woman. She was still married to this wonderful woman who had deliberately changed drastically for her. A woman who supported her in every endeavor she decided to undertake whether big or small. A wife who formerly wanted so much to be in the spotlight only to take the backseat to cheer her on later in life. She could not hurt her. She had been so good to her. Santana deserved to have her happy ending as well. But was Rachel her happy ending? Does a happy ending include someone who feels so much for another person?

Rachel knew the answers. She loved Santana too much to let the latter settle for anybody less than what she deserved. And right now, Rachel was not what she deserved. There was a point in their lives when she was confident enough to say that they both deserved each other. They were happy and content. They have gone through so much together. After the prom night in senior year, not everybody was accepting of their relationship, Karofsky in particular. Santana explained to Rachel that the boy felt betrayed when Santana found the courage to come out of the closet in a pretty big way. It was just then Rachel learned of Karofsky's true reason behind his bullying of Kurt. She was afraid that her girlfriend then would regret ever revealing her feelings for her but Santana pushed through. She even fought multiple times with the homophobes for the remaining period of the school year. And how could she forget the way Santana stood her ground when her family gave her an ultimatum to break it off with Rachel otherwise she would be disowned. Although Rachel could see how much it hurt her then girlfriend to not be in touch with her family, the latter still chose to be with her. Rachel was just grateful that after years of ignoring Santana, the Lopez's found in their hearts to accept the love between the two and attend their wedding.

Santana had been the perfect girlfriend, partner and wife. That is why Rachel found herself baffled as to how she could love another person than Santana. But Quinn was not just any person. Quinn was her best friend. Quinn had loved and supported her once they had forged a friendship. She had always felt safe around her. She had never felt the need to hide who she really is when it came to Quinn. She had always been so sure of Quinn's love for her, even when she had thought of it as mere platonic one. She would even admit that if she had not found love, she would still feel content and happy just because she had Quinn. And now, everything had been said. There was no gray area anymore. She was in love with Quinn. Quinn was in love with her. If only things were as easy as they were supposed to be. Being in love for her had always meant to be full of happiness, simplicity, rainbows and sunshine. But it was just not the case at present.

Even after a day of mulling over her current predicament, Rachel was left more confused than before. She took her phone from the bedside table to check if there were new text messages. There was none. Quinn had not contacted her since they parted last night. However, neither did Rachel. Perhaps they were both giving each other space after all there was nothing left to say and do. Feeling anxious to the inevitable ending of her day, Rachel got up and put on a white shirt and a pair of jeans before leaving the room to head out to the hotel bar down the lobby. She needed a drink.

xxx

After her talk with Quinn, Santana knew it was time to confront her wife. But she was still unresolved as to what she was going to say to Rachel. So, she wasted a few hours driving around town, clearing her mind and, maybe just maybe, stretching out the time she could still say that Rachel was her wife.

When she could not escape time anymore, Santana decided to proceed to the hotel. Santana took a deep breath as soon as she stepped in the hotel lobby. She was heading towards the elevators when she saw her wife entering a bar. Santana followed her but did not attempt to come near Rachel. She saw a stage in front and an idea popped into her head. She immediately formulated a plan before taking a step in accomplishing the same. She walked towards the D.J.'s booth, careful not to get noticed by Rachel.

xxx

She settled to sitting by the bar. Rachel called upon the bartender and ordered a dirty martini. She was not planning on getting drunk, just not too sober for the talk she was about to engage in with her wife. As the sting of the liquor hit her throat, the first few notes of the piano reverberated through the walls of the room. She was far too occupied by her thoughts to even give a glance at the stage until a voice joined in.

_Everybody sees it's you__  
__I'm the one that lost the view_

There was no doubt that she knew that voice so very well. Turning her head for confirmation, Rachel's eyes could not have gotten any wider as the sight of her wife standing on the stage filled her vision. If she had not been so surprised she would have recognized the song within the first few notes but she was utterly astonished by the event unfolding before her that she just had to rely on listening to the words Santana was trying to convey.

_Everybody says we're through__  
__I hope you haven't said it too_

_So where__  
__Do we go from here__  
__With all this fear in our eyes__  
__And where__  
__Can love take us now__  
__We've been so far down__  
__We can still touch the sky_

_If we crawl__  
__Till we can walk again__  
__Then we'll run__  
__Until we're strong enough to jump__  
__Then we'll fly__  
__Until there is no end__  
__So let's crawl, crawl, crawl__  
__Back to love, Yeah__  
__Back to love, Yeah__  
_

She could not believe what she was hearing. After all the pain and hurt she had caused her, Santana was still willing to work things out. She was even begging Rachel to give their marriage another chance. Instead of feeling any better, Rachel felt more guilt boiling up inside her chest. She then realized that it would have been better if her wife just threw curses at her and tell her that she was making the biggest mistake in even thinking about leaving her than asking her to give their marriage another go and patch things up. Was there even a chance that they will survive this whole trouble she alone had caused?

_Why did I change the pace__  
__Hearts were never meant to race__  
__I always felt the need for space__  
__But now I can't reach your face__  
__So where__  
__Are you standing now__  
__Are you in the crowd of my faults__  
__Love, can you see my hand?__  
__I need one more chance__  
__We can still have it all__  
_

Could they really still have it all? All this confusion brought about by the situation they found themselves in had Rachel tearing up shamelessly but she never once took her eyes of the stage, specifically her wife's eyes which were staring back intensely at her since the beginning of the song. Those eyes had been nothing but pleading. Pleading silently to Rachel to reconsider. Pleading silently to Rachel not to give up on them. Pleading silently for another shot to a happy ending.

_If we crawl(if we crawl)__  
__Till we can walk again__  
__Then we'll run (then we'll run)__  
__Until we're strong enough to jump__  
__Then we'll fly__  
__Until there is no end__  
__So let's crawl, crawl, crawl__  
__Back to love, Yeah__  
__Back to love, yeaaah__  
_

She did not know what to do anymore. She did not have the heart to break her wonderful wife's heart. She just could not be that evil. Could she?

xxx

Throughout the entire song Santana willed herself not to cry. She directed herself to be the most convincing she had ever been. It was now or never.

When Rachel recognized her voice and looked over the stage, Santana immediately went for their eyes to connect and held it until the end. She nearly broke when she saw the first sign that Rachel was on the verge of tears. She swallowed the painful lump settling on her throat. As much as she wanted to see affirmative answers through Rachel's eyes, all Santana saw were guilt and uncertainty. It cut like a knife straight to her chest to see all emotions but the love she had known appear on her wife's face.

She decided to sing to Rachel just like she did during prom. It had been the perfect way to get Rachel to listen. And just like the Pink song she sang then, she meant every word of this song. Santana could acknowledge that for some reason only Rachel knew the latter found something lacking in their relationship for her love to falter. It would only add more stress to Rachel if Santana forced her to fix their problem immediately. That was why she chose this song. She would not ask for a quick solution. She was willing to take it one step at a time. She was willing to start anew if that meant she could still have her wife. She would not rush Rachel. She would wait for her. She would work so damn much to gain her wife's love back.

As the song faded, Santana took careful steps towards her wife, still not breaking eye contact. Once in front of the other girl, Santana took the glass from Rachel's hand and set it on the bar. With a half-smile, she started, "Alcohol had never been good to your voice. You should know that." Just like old times, she paid for the drink. And just like old times, Rachel let her.

No words were exchanged. They were content in studying each other's face. After several minutes of silence, Santana took Rachel's hand before softly uttering, "Let's go?"

Rachel still could not find words to say so she simply nodded her assent. She stood from the bar stool and let Santana lead her towards the elevator. They held hands without looking at each other. They silently waited for the elevator door to open. Santana did not want to disturb the peace they were in. She needed to prolong this as much as she could. She could not face the music yet. Rachel, on the other hand, did not want to rock the boat. She decided to let Santana set the pace.

Inside the elevator, Santana suddenly said, "I'm hungry. Haven't eaten anything since landing here. You fine with just calling room service, babe?"

Despite being surprised as to the even tone of Santana's voice, Rachel simply replied, "Sure."

They held hands until they entered the hotel room. Santana set down her bag in the closet before informing Rachel, "I'd like to take a shower first. I feel filthy. Order for me?" She gave Rachel one of her adorable smiles and squeezing and kissing her hand before heading to the bathroom. She did not bother closing the door.

Rachel was a little bewildered as to how calm her wife was. Some part of her wanted to scream for Santana to just explode and hurl curses at her. But she knew she had no right to ask for anything at the moment. She should just wait and see and learn how to deal everything her wife would throw at her. So, she opted to open Santana's luggage and pick out clothes for her wife to wear just like she always does and placed them in the bed. She sat on the bed, grabbed the phone receiver and dialed for room service. One glance on the menu she already knew what Santana would order for herself. This brought a smile to Rachel's face. She knew her wife so well as did Santana to her. They have given their marriage the best they could, leaving no room for holding back.

Meanwhile, Santana seized the moment while she was in the shower to let out the tears that had been building up since seeing Rachel for the first time in days. She loved her. God, she loved her wife so fucking much. The mere thought of not seeing her was mind-shattering. She had no idea how to start picking up the pieces if Rachel decided to leave her. She could literally feel parts of her heart breaking. She gripped her chest in an attempt to put the pieces back together. She needed to get herself together if she wanted to spend a sane night with her wife even if it was for the last time.

Taking a deep breath and shaking her head to remove all worries and fears, Santana continued with her shower without any tears. She wrapped a towel around her and dried her hair before walking out of the bathroom. The first thing she noticed was her clothes laid down on the bed just like old times. Rachel had always been very attentive to her needs. For 10 years, Rachel had taken care of her. Santana swallowed the lump in her throat. She needed this night to be normal. She wanted to escape the looming storms even for one night only. She unwrapped herself of the towel and changed in front of her wife who for a moment looked uncomfortable but abruptly returned her gaze on Santana and walked towards her to take the shorts and helped her wife get dress.

"I ordered Tomato Spinach Lasagna for you. It will be here in thirty."

Santana could not help the big smile forming on her lips. Simple things like this reminded her why she and Rachel lasted this long. They knew each other. They loved each other. It made letting go so damn harder. She leant down and lightly brushed her lips on her Rachel's lips and whispered, "Thanks, babe." She then moved to lie on the bed. Once she was settled on her back on the mattress, she noticed Rachel remained unmoving and was still standing near the foot of the bed. Santana tapped the other side of the bed indicating for Rachel to join her which the latter did.

Rachel's heart was pounding in her chest. This was it. They were going to have the talk. If it was up to her, she wanted to do this with much distance from Santana because she knew she could not handle the proximity while seeing her wife hurt. But as she had decided a while ago, she would let Santana set the pace. She owed her at least that. So, she climbed on the bed, crawled towards Santana's waiting arms and snuggled at her side. She closed her eyes and nuzzled her wife's neck. As the familiar scent akin to a fresh citrus-musk overwhelmed her senses, she could not hold back the tears even if she tried. She let it out. She let it out with abandon. "I am so sorry, Santana. I am –"

Santana had to cut this off. If she let Rachel cry, all her resolve would fly out of the window. She enveloped her wife in a tight hug and rested her head atop Rachel's while she cradled her before pleading, "Not now, Rachel. Just…not now. Let me have this tonight. Even for tonight only. Just let me…let me hold you. Please. This is the last thing I would ask of you. For now, just let me hold you." She gripped Rachel's body tighter.

How could she refuse her? She could not. So, Rachel let her wife hold her the entire night, not letting go.

xxx


	19. Chapter 19

_Good afternoon passengers. This is the pre-boarding announcement for flight Delta 216 to New York. We are now inviting those passengers with small children, and any passengers requiring special assistance, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you._

Almost immediately, the two women gathered their bags in preparation for their flight. This should not be awkward. Instead, after securing their respective bags, both of them stood still, not really knowing what to do next. The other girl had an extra bag. Normally, the non-owner would easily decide to pick the bag up to lessen the burden of the other. But now was a moment neither of them had been through. In the end, the non-owner still decided to sling the bag to her shoulder while the other girl was taken by surprise by the action. Slightly uncomfortable, the owner attempted to retrieve said bag but she was refused to do so.

They walked towards the gate. The smaller of the two was accidentally bumped by another passenger, causing her to stumble and lean on the other girl. An arm was quickly wrapped around her waist to steady her footing. Eyes locked. Mouths agape. "I got you," was whispered added by an even softer, "always have." A simple "I know" was uttered. The one leaning was the first to pull away.

They were about to enter the gate when the taller woman stopped and turned to the other. Not caring about the traffic they caused for the other passengers behind them, she just stared at dark orbs, seemingly memorizing every feature of her face.

"Are you sure about this?"

"Yes. I owe this to you."

"You don't owe me anything, Rach."

"In my heart I know I owe this to you no matter how much you deny it."

"What about her?"

"You are my priority. I cannot do otherwise to you. I love you so much. Please…just let me do this for you, Santana."

xxx

_The chill of the early morning breeze caused Rachel to snuggle tighter to the sheets. She rolled over in order to get closer to the warm body sleeping beside her. But when she attempted to put her arm around the body that was supposed to be there, she found the space empty. She immediately opened her eyes to confirm her suspicion. The other side of the bed was empty. She searched the room and found the door to the terrace slightly open. Rachel gingerly got off the bed and slowly walked her way towards the terrace._

_ Santana barely slept the whole night. Her body and mind were tired but she refused to succumb to sleep. She wanted to take it all in. She wanted to remember this night. She wanted to memorize everything about the girl she was holding. Her scent. The way their bodies meld together. The shallow inhale and exhale she makes while sleeping. The way her brows would furrow indicating something was bothering her in her dreams. The way she would oftentimes sigh in her sleep followed by her snuggling closer to Santana. The way she would hold tighter to Santana, seemingly not content in their closeness. For 10 years, Santana was the only one who got to be with this wonderful and adorable person. She still could not believe this might be the last time she'd get to enjoy this moment. When she could no longer control her labored breathing caused by the inner turmoil she was experiencing, she carefully detached herself from her wife and got up from the bed. Standing now, she took time in observing Rachel for a few moments more before proceeding to the terrace of the hotel room. It was still dark outside and only a hint of the impending sunrise could be seen. She leaned on the railing and took a deep breath. She could never explain the calmness that she had exhibited during her talk with Quinn and Rachel. Upon deciding to follow her wife here in California, Santana readied herself for war. She would do anything to hold onto Rachel. But nothing went according to plan for Santana. Was this calmness an indication that she had already conceded to the idea that Rachel would pick Quinn over her. How to pick up the pieces, Santana had no idea. She would be a mess for a very long time that's for sure. But would it lead to her getting over her wife. We are talking about ten years here after all. Santana then decided to sit on one of the chairs outside. _

xxx

It was a five hour flight. A long five hour flight. Rachel was becoming restless every minute, shifting from one position to another on her seat. She tried to be discreet at first but she just could not find the perfect position she could settle in. Santana was well aware of what the other girl was doing. When thirty minutes had passed and Rachel had yet to stop fidgeting, Santana reached out and put one arm around Rachel's shoulder before whispering at her ear, "Hey, could you just stop moving? You're making me dizzy." She uttered this with a smile and placed a soft kiss on the girl's temple. It was the perfect solution as Rachel stayed still and rested her head on Santana's shoulder.

Taking a deep breath, Rachel replied, "Sorry." She then wrapped her arms around her wife's waist.

"Hmmm…Let's just sleep, okay?"

"Okay."

xxx

_With only a peep on the door of the terrace, Rachel found her wife curled up on a chair. If Santana noticed her presence, she did not show it. Instead, Santana kept her eyes closed, head tilted upwards towards the sky, seemingly letting the morning air engulfed her face. The sight warmed Rachel's heart. Santana looked so peaceful until Rachel saw her wife's brows furrowed before opening her eyes and looking at her._

_ "Hey," Rachel greeted her softly._

_ She did not receive any greeting in return and she let it be that way. She leaned on the door frame not meeting Santana's eyes. It was cold outside. Rachel circled her arms around her torso to keep her warm and avoid being assaulted by the cool breeze brought by the morning. Several minutes had passed, the silence enveloping the two women. It was Santana who caved in first._

_ "Even after everything that happened, I still want to make myself believe that you really did love me."_

_ "That's because I did. I still do."_

_ "Please don't lie to me, Rachel."_

_ "I'm not. I love you so much. God, I love you so damn much. I hate myself as much for what I am making you feel right now."_

_ "Then why did you do it?"_

_ "Do what exactly?"_

_ "Love somebody else."_

_ "I always loved her—"_

_ "That did not help in __**any way**__ in proving that you indeed loved me."_

_ "Can I ask you to just let me finish explaining myself?"_

_ "Sure."_

_ "I have always loved her. I could not, in good conscience, deny that fact. But you have to believe me, up until she left, I only saw her as my best friend. Nothing else. I married you for fuck's sake! Of course I love you. I know I don't deserve to feel any kind of pain right now but you accusing me of not loving you at all is just baseless and hurtful."_

_ "We've been together for ten years. She left you for a month and it turned our world upside down. Can you honestly tell me that there's not an ounce of reason for me to believe that you did not love me?"_

_ "You're making it seem like I have made my mind up already."_

_ "Well…have you?"_

_ "No."_

xxx

They did not sleep. They could not sleep. Both of them lost on their own respective thoughts.

xxx

Quinn was eyeing her phone warily since last night. Rachel had not made any move to contact her. No call, no text messages. Quinn had constantly berated herself for expecting any call or text message from the other girl. She knew she had to let the girl be for a while to settle things with Santana but she just badly wanted any sort of assurance from the girl. Assurance that what happened was real. Assurance that Rachel had not changed her mind. Assurance that everything she told and made Quinn feel were real. But up to now, nothing.

xxx

_"No?"_

_ "No."_

_ "So, what do we do now?"_

_ "We go back to New York."_

_ "And?"_

_ "Talk things through, I guess."_

_ "Yeah…"_

_ "Yeah?"_

_ "Yeah, that's not gonna happen, Rach. Whatever you plan to say in New York, you can say here in California."_

xxx

With her wife's head tucked under her chin, Santana was bombarded with the memories of her conversation with Rachel. She wanted to regret insisting that they have the talk right away instead of what Rachel had suggested. Now, she could only wait for what they had decided and resolved in California to unravel in New York.

xxx

_"You are my wife. She's my best friend. I can honestly and without any doubt look at you straight in the eye and tell you that since high school, I only saw her as a friend…my closest and dearest friend. I have never felt anything beyond platonic feelings towards her. You've been a witness to what she and I had been through prior our senior year. I was just so grateful that she had given me the time of the day to be a friend to her. I never entertained any romantic feelings for her. And besides, only months through our friendship, you came along and swept me off my feet."_

_ "Somewhere in that rambling I can smell a 'but'."_

_ "But then Amanda came along…"_

_ "Huh?"_

_ "Do you remember that night she came to our home and shared that special dinner with us?"_

_ "Yeah…but what does that have to do with anything?"_

_ "Well, she said some things or rather asked questions that got me thinking. Since that night those things had bugged me more than I would care to admit…"_

_ "What did she say, Rachel?"_

_ "She asked me why Quinn and I did not end up together."_

_ "And?"_

_ "I won't lie. It really did strike a nerve. I was left questioning myself. But I will still tell you what I told her because it is what I have always believed in. I never thought about having any romantic relation with her because, in the first place, being friends with her prior to our senior year was so unlikely to happen given that she had on so many instances manifested her hatred towards me. When the impossible transpired, I just took it and was grateful for it that I may have unconsciously refrained myself from expecting anything beyond platonic relations with her. Baby, you have to believe me that I have never cheated on you. There was always this clear line between what I feel for you and what I feel for my best friend."_

_ "Even just hearing you calling me that name hurts now. But I want to know. You claim that you have never cheated on me. But please be truthful. Until when did I have you completely?"_

_ "San…I don't know what you want from me."_

_ "What I want is simple, Rachel. I want, no, I need to know the truth. Have I really had you completely in the entire duration of our relationship?"_

_ Silence. Rachel did not need to answer. Santana already had them by her wife's silence. She stared aimlessly at the scenery in front of her. Just like a near death experience, memories of the days, months and years she shared with Rachel flashed before her eyes. They have been happy. There were bad times, yes, but still they pushed passed every single one of them together. They have given their best. Even despite all the hurt she was feeling now, Santana could not get herself to hate Rachel because the fact remains the girl had been the best thing that ever happened to her life. She had no idea how to mend the deep wounds that she would surely suffer from this. She knew that there was a possibility that she could never recover from this. She could not imagine herself loving another person the way she loved her wife. She entertained the idea that she would grow old alone because she had already given her all to this marriage. Yet, despite all of this, she could not hate the girl. Was it really possible to love this much? Santana had no doubt._

_ Brushing away traces of tears that had smeared her face, Santana got up from her seat and walked towards Rachel who had been crying silently. With her index finger, she lifted Rachel's head for their gaze to meet. Santana cupped her wife's face with both hands. Looking at the face she had found to be simply perfect, a bittersweet smile formed on Santana's lips. "God, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid my eyes on." She then proceeded to kiss Rachel's eyes, nose, cheeks and chin before claiming her lips with a soft kiss. "You will always have my heart, baby. I don't think I can ever get over you. I changed so much because of you. You made me want to be a better person. You brought so much happiness in my life and for that I will always be grateful to you. But you have to let me go." She barely had the strength to utter the last sentence. But she had to push through this while she had the will to do the right thing for both of them. She swallowed the lump in her throat before continuing, "I loved you and I still do with all my being. But I believe that I deserve to have somebody who loves me as much. And it really sucked for me to admit this but you are no longer that person, Rach – "_

_ "Santana…"_

_ "Shh…let me finish, Rach, and don't even try to deny that. I can see it in your eyes that you love me, yes, but not as much as you did a month ago. You love her. You may feel strongly for me but it is she you cannot live without. And she feels the same way about you. Don't stay with me because of the years we've shared. Don't stay with me because you don't want to hurt me. Stay with me for the right reasons. Out of simple respect, stay with me for the right reasons."_

_ "I don't know what to say anymore."_

_ "Then don't say anything. Just let me go."_

xxx

Even without looking at her wife, Rachel knew that Santana had been thinking so hard instead of sleeping as she had told her. She could feel her wife taking deep breaths and knew that she was willing herself not to cry. She very much wanted to lift her head from Santana's chest and comfort the girl she had considered a partner for 10 long years. But anybody could be that person for Santana at the moment except her as she was the one who caused the girl's world to crumble. Instead, Rachel snuggled closer to her soon-to-be ex-wife, memorizing the way their body fit together, the unique scent of the girl and the familiar beating of the heart she claimed as hers only to break it in the end.

xxx

"_Quinn, I know that I made a promise to you that I won't regret all of the things I have said and done. They are real. You know I am a terrible liar. When I told you I love you, I had never uttered truer words. I still have faith in us. But I can't be that cruel to just completely walk away from my marriage just like that. I have to settle some things in New York. After that, I am still uncertain how to move forward. Know that I will never regret the night we finally had the courage to be honest. Believe me that you have my heart. I may not be with you physically but proximity cannot overshadow destiny. I know in my heart that this is not the end for us. Please be patient with me, my love, as I promise you I will be."_

Quinn had been replaying that voicemail she received from Rachel earlier this morning. To say that she wasn't expecting Rachel's decision would be a big understatement. Of course, she knew in the back of her mind that there was still a possibility that Rachel would pick Santana and regret whatever she told Quinn. What left her confused by the voicemail was Rachel explicitly stated that she regretted nothing, that she loves her and that she believes they were meant to be. So the question now was…with Rachel leaving, where do they stand?

She loved Rachel so much that she knew there was no other option for her but to listen to the plea. She would be patient. She would wait until fate decides that it was finally their time. She would continue to love Rachel despite all the uncertainty. She would relish this bittersweet victory that was her second chance.

xxx

**A/N: Okay, I know many of you are waiting for that Faberry moment. One last chapter to go. I hope by now it's clear that this is indeed a Faberry fic just coated in all the angst. I want to do a smut chapter but I realized that I may need some help. If there are some of you who are willing to help with it, I would really appreciate it. Lol**

**Anyway, some of you have asked if this story is based on my own experience. Fortunately, this fic is a mere product of my imagination. But still I was very touched by your concern for me. Thank you very much.**

**Please review and tell me what you want to read in the last chapter and I'll try my best to grant them. **

**Again, thank you very much for your interest in this little story of mine.**


	20. Chapter 20

_Dearest Quinn,_

_ I know I have been remiss in informing you of my whereabouts these past few days. Although I already asked you in my last voicemail to be patient as there are a lot of things I need to settle here in New York and the future still looks uncertain for me, I feel I owe it to you to keep you informed of what's been going on as I don't want you to be worried about me._

_ Well, I finally moved out of the house despite San's vehement protests. I feel that it was just fair that I'd be the one to be left homeless even for a while. I already put her in so much misery and to allow her to be inconvenience by throwing her out on the streets would be plain brutal. I stayed for a while in the guest room. Yesterday I found this cozy apartment near the theater. It's a two-bedroom unit. A much smaller space than the town house of course but it is cozy and just enough for single occupant. I immediately signed the contract of lease and as of this morning I have already transferred all of my belongings here. _

_ We already signed the divorce papers and were told that it will take just a month or so to be finalized. I have to be honest with you. I know I was the one to break things up with her but I still cannot help but be devastated. And because of this, I realized that I did the right thing in keeping my distance from you for now. I cannot, without adding more to the guilt of hurting Santana, put you in a situation where I could hurt you too. I am far away from being capable of maintaining any sort of relationship with anyone right now. I have to fix myself. Alone. Please don't even for a second think that I am pushing you away. But I have to do this. So, I'll reiterate my plea to you. Have faith in me and be patient, please._

_ However, I will never take it against you if ever you decide to move on. I will understand, Quinn. You have every right to do so. All I can do is throw a prayer to the universe and hope that destiny would be so kind and lead me to you once I am ready to be deserving of you…of us._

_ Until then, know that you have my heart. You have never left my mind, Quinn. The one thought that keeps me going nowadays is that I am here in this situation because I finally figured out where my heart truly belongs and that is to you. I will every second of every day be patient and wait for our time._

_ Take good care of yourself._

_Loving you more each day that passes,_

_Your Rachel_

xxx

_My Rachel,_

_ I miss you. That's all I can say to surmise what I've been feeling ever since you left that voicemail._

_ I feel useless just thinking I can't do anything to alleviate the pain you're going through right now especially because I know I am the cause of it. But I do understand the reason behind your decision to stay away from me. You are entitled to wallow, you know. Just because you were the one who broke your marriage does not mean you could not mourn the ending of your relationship. I know you loved her and still do. Hell, I won't even be surprised if you will forever love her. She loves you and has done nothing but show you how much. I know what I am telling you now won't help the feeling of guilt you are possibly experiencing but we both know that is the truth. But I will also forever try to make you not regret loving me._

_ You have nothing to worry about. I will willingly wait for you. I have already waited ten years for you, remember? You are the love of my life, Rachel. You telling me you love me that one night is enough reason for me to be patient and do whatever is needed if it means I'll get to be with you one day. And when that day comes, I will not let you go._

_ Rachel, I cannot express through mere words what I feel for you. The love I have been keeping and nurturing for 10 years now is beyond any descriptive words men can ever come up with. This love has got me going even at times when the world was screaming at me to let go and move on. This love is my everything. I would wish for better circumstance for us. But if this is what it takes for me to finally have you, I would gladly take it. It might be hypocritical for me to say this but all I ever regret amidst all this is the fact that we hurt someone we both treasure and love. I would really wish for better circumstance but I won't take anything back. _

_ You have nothing to be worried of for I will be here waiting. Waiting for you, waiting for our time. I have faith in you and us. I won't give up because giving up would mean not living at all. I am just here, Rachel._

_ Take good care of yourself as well._

_Loving you through time and distance,_

_Your Quinn_

xxx

_Dearest Quinn,_

_ It's been a month now since I read your email. I deeply apologize for taking so long to respond. I have been preoccupied with a lot of things. Starting anew is taking over my life. For ten years, I have been half of a couple. I have yet to get used to waking up alone, eating most of my meals outside because having them home is just plain painful, and coming home to an empty and dark apartment with no one to greet me warmly and ask about my day. Until last week, I had been crying myself to sleep and waking up in the morning to cry some more. I've been seeing my therapist on a regular basis now, three times a week to be exact not counting those times I considered as emergency sessions. I can't even look at my own reflection in the mirror because all I see is a vicious woman who caused so much pain to an innocent, loving and wonderful person. My shrink told me that the first step to recovery is acceptance. However, I have long accepted the fact that I have hurt my own wife through my selfish act of infidelity. I may not have engaged in an adulterous affair with you but deep in my heart I know that I have not been emotionally faithful to her. I accepted this fact and still found myself far away from recovering. Instead, I feel that I am quickly purchasing ticket to the doom of insanity. I've been constantly asking myself "since when have I become this awful person?". I am gradually being convinced that I deserved nothing but sorrow for the rest of my life. How can I even dream of overcoming this situation when I know that I shattered the life of the woman who loved me immensely?_

_ I am sorry for this whole rambling. I am certain that nothing of any of this would make you happy. I am certain that I am hurting you with all of this. I don't deserve you. You deserve somebody as kind-hearted as you. You deserve somebody who has no history of hurting somebody else. You deserve to be happy. I don't deserve to be loved, not by you especially._

_ Please keep yourself safe. Be happy even if it would mean you moving on._

_Rachel_

xxx

_MY RACHEL,_

_ What was that all about? I have half the mind of purchasing a ticket to New York at this very moment. The only thing that is stopping me from doing so is the huge possibility that you're going to freak out even more when you see me. So I am left with no other option but to immediately respond to your email._

_ Rach, please stop thinking that you are a vicious and awful person. I know you are going through a very difficult time right now. I know that you think that you are so cruel for breaking up with her. But would it make you a better person if you stayed with and led her on pretending you don't love somebody else? You did not intend to hurt her, Rach. I've known you for so long and I have never seen you intentionally hurt people. I would not have been so in love with you if you are such a horrible person as you paint yourself to be. You are one most kind-hearted, well-meaning and loving person I know. And I am not just saying all of this just to convince you to not let go of us. I am saying this because it is the truth._

_ What we are feeling for each other was not planned. I did not plan to fall in love with you. I did not wish for myself to witness the love of my life loving somebody else. If I had any option, don't you think I would have just moved on and be with the next person who showed me love? On the same note, I have witnessed you giving your all to her. You are Rachel Barbra Berry and you never did anything half-baked. You poured your heart and soul to that marriage. You shared with me your dreams regarding your life with her and all I saw was sincerity in your eyes. You never planned to wake up one morning and feel something for me. If you consciously knew that you're in love with me, I don't think you would have stayed with her, you know why? It's because Rachel Barbra Berry always goes for whatever she wants. And you stayed with her and married her because you love her. As I have said in my last email, I wish for better circumstance for us but things happened the way they did. Maybe this is what your therapist is trying to tell you. Accept the fact that you are in this situation not on your own wishes but because it was the better option. Accept it and find a way to move forward._

_ Rachel, please stop blaming yourself. Please I am begging you, try your very best to feel better, to stay strong and to hang in there. I need you in my life. If only I can be there to assure you how good of a person you are, I would. Just tell me to be there and, I swear, I'll be there as fast as I can. _

_ I am begging you, please take care of yourself for me. Please._

_Loving you no matter what,_

_YOUR QUINN_

xxx

_MY RACHEL,_

_ ANSWER MY CALLS, EMAILS AND TEXTS! I AM HERE IN NEW YORK SINCE YESTERDAY MORNING. YOU NEVER TOLD ME WHERE YOU TRANSFERRED SO I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO LOOK FOR YOU. YOUR DIRECTOR TOLD ME YOU BOUGHT YOURSELF OUT OF THE CONTRACT. SANTANA'S FREAKING OUT TOO BECAUSE SHE, TOO, DOES NOT KNOW YOUR WHEREABOUTS. I CALLED YOUR DADS AND THEY ALSO DON'T KNOW WHERE YOUR ARE. WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?_

_ It has only been three days since your last email. Please, my love, tell me where you are. The mere thought of you being hurt is making me die inside. I am rapidly losing my sanity. I love you so damn much. I can't imagine a life without you. Please just tell me where you are._

_Loving you amidst all the uncertainty,_

_YOUR QUINN_

xxx

_Dearest Quinn,_

_ I am so sorry for making you all worry about me. I did not wish to cause any more pain and hurt to anybody. I just decided that it would be best if I detached myself from anything bearing semblance to the life I have broken. _

_ I am safe. Yes, I terminated my contract with the show. I don't think I can give my audience what they deserve when I am barely surviving every day of my life. So, before I destroy all the efforts I have put through all these years in my career, I decided to take a breather until I feel that I am myself again._

_ I am in London. After I read your email, I realized that everything you said is true. I need to find my way out of this mess I myself created. I need to find a way to accept that I am in this situation and find a way to rise above it. But in order to go there, I think I need to be far away from where I built a happy life which in the end I was also the one to ruin. _

_ This may seem to be a cowardly move but it is the only way I think I can mend the wounds I inflicted upon myself. I believe one more minute I stay in New York would be the death of my sanity. I am still uncertain as to how to lead my life but rest assured that I will gladly inform you of any decision I may make. _

_ I apologize for giving you hell because of my recent actions. Know that I love you so much and consider you as the light in the end of this dark, dark tunnel that is my life right now. I may still believe that I don't deserve you at the moment but I will get there. Someday and hope it would not take long, I will be deserving of you, of us. Until then, remember that what's left unbroken part of my heart and entire being is yours._

_ Take care of yourself, my love._

_With hope of loving you one day soon,_

_Rachel_

xxx

_Dearest Quinn,_

_ One week of living a life here in London, I can say that I made the right decision. My therapist has recommended a friend of hers who is practicing here and I started seeing her yesterday. Starting anew here feels like really starting my life anew. I met new people, experienced a different kind of life without the spotlight, and just breathing new air._

_ This morning I found myself having a nice, long chat with a man I just met in a café near the hotel I am staying in. I learned that he is a drama professor at LAMDA. He told me that he had seen my show for at least three times, he could not really remember. We spent a better part of our chat exchanging our respective experiences in the stage. He was a former actor before he became a director and eventually a member of the academe. He shared with me his discovery of his passion in teaching, telling me that there is a certain high in sharing valuable learning to people and etching his influence in others. Finally, after talking for at least three hours, he informed me that there is a vacancy in the faculty he is in. He encouraged me to apply. I was truly impressed with all the stories he shared with me and am now considering his offer. What do you think?_

_ This is it for now. I have some laundry to do and some places to see. I am really finding this experience exhilarating. One source of my melancholy is the fact that I just wish you are here to enjoy this new life with me._

_ Take care of yourself for me._

_Loving you more than anything I can ever experience,_

_Rachel_

xxx

_Dearest Quinn,_

_ I have applied for the position I told you in my last email. Guess what? I had been accepted this morning and expected to submit my lesson plan next week! I am so excited and nervous at the same time. Do you think I am adequately equipped to teach? I am feeling insecure at the moment. _

_ You have yet to respond to my emails. I understand. You are probably still pissed because of my last stunt. Although I understand, I still wish you can find in your heart to forgive me. I never meant to push you away or leave you in the dark. I was just very much troubled then. I felt that I deserved to be alone in my misery. I am truly sorry, Quinn. Please know that I will never intentionally cast you aside._

_ Please talk to me._

_ Take care of yourself for me._

_Loving you and waiting to be forgiven,_

_Your Rachel_

xxx

_My Rachel,_

_ Sorry for ignoring you this past couple of weeks. The truth is I was really angry at you for just leaving the country without telling me. I did not reply because I did not want to say anything to you that I will regret. You know that I still tend to lash out when I am mad. So, I let my anger die down for a week and then I received your email._

_ I apologize in advance to what I am about to write. I was irrationally jealous of that man you talked to in the café. I was so jealous because in a little amount of time he was able to convince you to take a huge step in moving on. He inspired you, as you said. And I was just so jealous. Maybe it was the distance and time that got the best of me. But I realized that I have promised you several times that I would wait for you no matter how long it takes. I promised you that I will have faith in us. And by being jealous of some random stranger, I failed you. Again, I am really, truly sorry. I'll try harder, Rach._

_ Anyway, I am so happy that you are having the time of your life there in London. I am so proud of you for getting accepted at LAMDA. And of course, without any doubt in my mind, I believe you are very much adequately equipped in handling the tasks given to you by the academe. I am really proud of you, my love. _

_ I share your regret that I am not there to share with you the life you are living there. I can feel your excitement in your emails and it brings tears of joy and giddy smiles to me. I am still praying that you find what you are searching for there. _

_ Looking forward to more stories from you._

_ Take care of yourself, my love._

_Loving you from the other side of the ocean,_

_Your Quinn_

xxx

_**One year of exchanged correspondence**_

She was late. The taxi she was riding broke in the middle of the street. Fortunately, only a few blocks were left for her to reach her destination. But it was still rather unfortunate that she had to run those few blocks while in stilettos. She pushed pass through the other pedestrians and received not so few death glares but she had not time to apologize or bitch about it. When she finally reached the building, she halted her steps to arrange her clothes and wipe the sweat off her face and neck. She could not afford to appear all sweaty in front of her class.

She opened the door to the classroom containing nearly 20 students. She immediately placed her brief case on top of the table and profusely apologized for her 15-minute tardiness. The topic for today was application of the methods she taught the class the previous session regarding acting improvisation.

"Alright class, as I have told you during our previous session, all of you are expected to apply the methods you have learned when it comes to improvisation. So, who wants to go first? The first scene I want you to improvise involves accidentally meeting someone you have not seen for a long time. It need not be a romantic encounter."

Almost all of the students raised their hands. This was one of the things Rachel loved about teaching acting classes. It was not unexpected for everybody to be as enthusiastic to show off their abilities and talents. They were aspiring performers after all.

The rest of the class was spent in students improvising their lines to each scenario given by Rachel. She was really impressed on the amount of talent displayed by her students and proud to be one of the people to impart her own experiences to them. By the time the class ended, Rachel was so thankful she climbed out of the broken taxi and ran the remaining blocks to the academy. She felt, like any other day, fulfilled.

She was busy gathering her things when a voice rang through the now empty room.

"As much as I have enjoyed listening to your students act out different scenarios, I would have loved it more if I have gotten the chance to see the teacher herself improvise the first scene."

Rachel need not look up to know who the stranger was. She had dreamt almost every day of hearing that voice again. At times she thought she had already forgotten how the person speak, the distinct accent and the way she would elucidate her words. But listening to it now, the familiarity of it brought shivers down her spine. Rachel still had her head down, not yet lifting her gaze to the person who she felt was slowly making her way towards her. A small smile grazed her face. "Oh well, that's a pity. If only you have voiced out your wish earlier on I would have gladly granted your request. But as you can probably see, the class is now finished for the day. Maybe some other time?"

"Why not now?" the voice was nearer now, approximately a good 5 feet away from where the teacher was standing.

"Well, for one, the scene you were referring to involves at least 2 persons. And it would be highly ridiculous for me to play double parts, don't you think?" Rachel's tone was teasing. She did not have to look at the other person's face to know that the latter was smiling at her, liking the playfulness of the conversation.

"Well, I may not be a professional actor but for this one it would be an honor to act out the other part, if you will allow me?"

With that, Rachel lifted her head and met the eyes of the one person that kept her sane throughout the whole ordeal she experienced the past year. She had to control herself from gasping out loud because of the beauty standing in front of her. It seemed that her memory never once succeeded in reflecting the absolute perfection of the girl. It was like seeing her for the first time and being one those who suffered from love at first sight. She had to use all of her strength not to reach out and touch the face she missed the most. But she had a role to play. "Sure. But you must know that I am not fond of fake acting. Notwithstanding the fact that you are not a professional actor, I still expect you to fully internalize your part and be sincere about everything you would do. Is that a fair condition to you?"

"Fair enough. So whose part am I playing?"

"You choose."

"Alrighty."

There was silence. Both of the girls maintaining eye contact until Rachel abruptly turned her back from her counterpart only to immediately face her again.

"Quinn!" she said with wide eyes and open mouth, her right hand on her chest.

For a moment, Quinn's face displayed a smirk before she acted out her part. She took a couple of steps towards the girl and spoke, "Rachel! Hey, it's been a long time! How have you been?"

"Quite alright."

"Only quite?"

"Yeah…how about you? I see time has been good to you. You look more exquisite than when I last saw you."

"Thank you. But from where I am standing I don't think I can even compare to you. I guess I've been quite alright, too."

"Only quite?"

"Yeah…I was missing my better half and felt so incomplete for so long."

"Oh…I see we are experiencing the same thing then. My days are just quite alright because I cannot seem to be completely happy even when my days were going well as my heart is not in the right place."

"That's unfortunate. Anything I can help you with?"

"You simply being here helps, if I am being honest."

"Is that so? Well I guess my decision to go here was right. I had spent the last two months deciding whether or not it's the proper time to see you."

"The last two months, huh? What made you decide then?"

"The fact that I cannot last another minute not being with you?"

"Is that a question?"

"I finally decided to fuck destiny and do something about my situation because I cannot last another minute not being with you." Quinn finally closed the gap between them, standing right in front of Rachel. "I know I promised you that I will wait for you. I am not here now because I am starting to lose patience but because I badly want to see you and just feel one more time how it is to be near you. If you tell me now that you're still not ready for us, I will accept it and return back to New York. I will continue to wait and be patient."

"I badly missed being near you as well. I craved to hear your voice, be intoxicated with your scent, touch your skin, hug with all my strength or just stand near you and be overwhelmed with your presence. I needed to see you. I was planning on going back to New York at the end of the semester. I planned to surprise you. I already had a design in my head of a grand romantic gesture to show you how ready I am for you. I-"

"You are ready for me? For us?"

Rachel reached out and placed a hand on Quinn's cheek, lightly caressing it. She took time studying every feature of the other woman's face. She then lightly brushed her thumb over the tempting lips, her eyes following the movement. She took a deep breath when she felt Quinn's breath hitched. "I cannot believe I have gone 10 years without even attempting to kiss these lips. I cannot believe I unconsciously led myself to feel nothing but platonic love for you for 10 long years. I cannot believe I was able to survive a year not being with you. Within just a few minutes, you made me realize what's been missing in my life, and I am not just referring to past year but my whole life."

"I still can't believe I am hearing these things from you. I wanted for as long as I can remember. But now that I am finally waking up to find to what I have dreamt for so long, I can't get myself to regret a single moment I spent loving you."

"I can't wait to finally experience being with you."

There is nothing left to say for Quinn. So, instead of using words to further express how she felt at the very moment, she carefully cupped Rachel's face with both hands. She stared at the brown orbs looking intensely back at her. Slowly but without any hesitation, she took the other girl's lips with her own. The kiss which was chaste at first quickly became heated until Rachel reluctantly pulled away, resting her forehead against Quinn's.

"I am ready, Quinn. I love you so much and I cannot wait to live a life with you, if you will still have me."

Quinn could not help but chuckle upon hearing this. "Do you really have to ask? I love you, my geek."

Rachel laughed at this. She missed their usual declaration of love to one another. But she knew this time it contained much more meaning and new promises for the both of them. "I love you too, my bitch."

**-THE END-**

**A/N: Thank you very much for taking time to read this first fiction I have published. Thank you very much for all the kind reviews and all the suggestions. Sorry for making some of you cry. Lol Sorry for making some of you pissed because of all the angsts. But really, thank you for having interest in this little story of mine.**


	21. Chapter 21

**Hey guys, the prequel/sequel to this story is now up. Hope you like it as much as BSC. Again thank you so much for reading and enjoying this first story I've written and published. **

**Please read and review!**


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